Bea's Birthday By Lawson H. Caldwell (c) 1998 (Synopsis.) Bea, her best friend Mrs. Seville, her daughter Kelly and her sister-in-law, Aunt K arrive in New York to stay with her other daughter Mary and husband Del. The occasion is Bea's birthday. Bea and Mrs. Seville recently returned from a lengthy trip to Europe. Mary senses that Kelly is up to something but can't figure out what. Mary and Del's daughter Laura arrives just as they are leaving for dinner. Later, around 3 AM, Kelly, Laura and Mary are sitting in the living room talking about Laura's boyfriend. Kelly is trying give her some pointers on training potential husbands. Del joins them because he can't sleep. Kelly begins to stir things up when she suggests that Bea and Mrs. Seville might just be more than best friends. She thinks they re lesbians. She brings up the fact that Bea and Mrs. Seville have known each other for sixty to seventy years, seem devoted to one another and are very happy when together. Bea, Aunt K. and Mrs. Seville come into the living room because they can not sleep. Everyone listens to Bea discuss the summer she and Mrs. Seville spent in New York trying to become actresses before they both married. Bea then explains to them that she and Mrs. Seville were fortunate to have loved as well as learned to have loved the men they married. Bea states, When Mrs. Seville, Aunt K and I came along, it was expected that we should marry while we were young. I was fortunate to fall in love with your father. I'm sure there were a lot of debutantes that year who were never truly happy in their marriages. Mary and Kelly decide to drop the idea of Bea and Mrs. Seville being lesbians until Aunt K blurts it out. Kelly and Mary try to explain to Bea that she seems so independent and happy because of Mrs. Seville. After further discussions, Bea decides not to answer the question. She explains to them, The enjoyment of another person's company is so important. Whether traveling to Europe or reading the newspaper on the screen porch. Full companionship with one another. Waking up each morning with anticipation of the other. Do you say lesbian because our friendship seems so intimate, therefore it must be much more than the usual friendship people enjoy. Surely, you don't define everything in you life based on whether people are intimate. If the only difference is intimacy, then I suppose I'll never answer your question. Characters: Del is very relaxed. He is a successful playwright. He and Mary live in a beautiful apartment in Manhattan. They have a daughter named Laura who lives in Washington, DC. Del and Mary are also best friends as well as husband and wife. Bea is an older woman. Very attractive and pleasant. She has begun to transform herself into more of an independent individual. Mary is a very sensitive person. She sometimes second guesses herself. Her main objective is for everyone to be happy. Del is very relaxed. He is a successful playwright. Del and Mary are best friends in addition to being man and wife. Kelly is the typical overbearing older sister. She and her husband Roger lead very individual lives. It was her idea to bring Bea to New York for her birthday. Kelly is always stirring up things when she can't control things. Aunt K (The letter K is for Catherine. It is a family thing.) is a character. She says what is on her mind. She is Bea's sister-in-law as well as an old friend. Aunt K loves to cause mischief. Mrs. Seville (Niace is her first name. It is pronounced Nice.) is very quiet and appears very stern and reserved. Her attitude around Bea is polite and friendly. Laura is a very modern woman. Though in her twenties, she is very mature and grounded. Location: New York City Time: Present Place: Del and Mary's apartment Act I. Scene 1. (The lights come up. Del is picking up items such a newspapers in an attempt to straighten the apartment.) DEL Mary, they'll be here any minute. Why are these things thrown around? Didn't Constance come this week? (No answer.) Mary, did you hear me? We pay this woman a great deal of money to clean our apartment and whenever people are coming, I find myself straightening up anyway. (Still no answer.) Mary! (Mary comes into the room) MARY I heard you. DEL Then why didn't you answer? MARY Everyone in the building probably heard you. DEL Do you see all of these papers? I thought Constance cleaned yesterday. MARY She did. DEL It amazes me the amount of money we pay her and I still find myself doing this.....and minutes before guests arrive. MARY Calm down Del. Constance does a very good job. You left those papers out around last night. Would you like for Constance to move in so she will be aware when papers are left laying around? DEL Mary, please. We have other things to do besides picking up papers just as guests are arriving. MARY Del, they're not supposed to be here for another hour. Besides, I really don't think we need to think of my mother as a guest. She's stayed here before. DEL Yes, but not with all of her friends. MARY (Chuckling) All of her friends? Del, Aunt K and Mrs. Seville are not all of her friends. Her closest friends maybe, but not all. It's not like twenty people are staying. Just three. DEL What about Kelly? I thought you said that she was staying here? MARY She is. I don't know why I keep forgetting that Kelly is coming. I suppose because she is basically in charge of the group. DEL I just want everything to be nice for Bea. I don't want all of us to feel crammed into this apartment. MARY Relax. As I mentioned to you before, it's all set. Mother and Mrs. Seville will stay in the guestroom. Aunt K is going to stay in Laura's room. DEL Why is you Mother staying in the same room with Mrs. Seville? MARY Because they travel well together. They stayed in the same room for over month in Europe and Mother mentioned that Mrs. Seville would feel more comfortable staying with her. DEL And Kelly? MARY Oh, Kelly. I don't know why I keep forgetting Kelly. Probably because Roger isn't coming with her. Just the girls. Umn.......... Kelly can stay in the den or with Aunt K. That's a sweet idea. Kelly can stay in the same room with her namesake. DEL Don't you think you're older sister will mind being in the same room with Aunt K.? MARY She won't mind a thing. All of this was her idea. She's the one who persuaded everyone that Mother should come to New York for her birthday. See some shows. Go to some wonderful famous restaurants. Visit her youngest daughter and her famous playwright husband. It was all her idea. Even if she does mind, she'll never show it other than an extra glass of wine at dinner. Besides, I think Kelly is up to something. She has been unusually rational lately. Something is up with her. DEL She always appears rational. (Laughing) At least she appears to have her act together. MARY Del, we're are in our forties. Getting your act together is something that evolves. Now, our daughter has her act together. Our generation is still evolving. Kelly might appear as if she has her act together but she is in the same emotional ballpark that the rest of our generation is located. The Baby Boom Ball Park. My mother and her two best friends are spending three days with us and, I might add, sounds pretty solid, if you want to talk about who has their act together. I mean, think about it all. Two forty year olds.......husband and wife....... spending the week end with three seventy-five year old women.......and my totally together Appears to have her act together sister . DEL So you're saying we'll enjoy the entire weekend. MARY I'm still making a point here. And......don't forget that I am the favorite. DEL (Walks over and hugs his wife.) You are certainly my favorite. MARY Just you watch. Aunt K will bring me those mint candies in a can that I haven't seen in stores in years. I honestly have no idea where she buys them. The cans look new but they still have the same logo and design they did when I was a child. DEL Maybe she won a contest years ago and they send her twenty cases every year? MARY It amazes me that I am the only one she sends the candy. I don't think she won a contest. I think she went out twenty years ago, saw them on sale, bought and froze hundreds of cans. I probably mentioned to her that I loved them when I was three and she hasn't forgotten. Kelly thinks it's funny. Last Christmas Aunt K sent Roger and Kelly a hand carved mahogany backgammon set. We were sent a pound and a half of assorted mint candies. DEL I thought you just said you are the favorite. MARY Exactly. Those mints mean more to Aunt K than a carved backgammon set. Of course, Kelly doesn't see it that way. To her the backgammon set out weighs a can of mints by far. DEL Mary, dear, you need to let that go. Now, refresh my memory. Why isn't Roger coming? MARY Because it is Mother's birthday and it's just the girls. DEL Then, why am I not off with Roger on a golf course somewhere? MARY Because you don't play golf and besides, you're the main man. DEL Because why? Main man? When did you become so hip? (In a thick northern accent) Main man? MARY Because I need you here. You're my emotional support. Since Laura couldn't come this week end, you were elected. DEL You mean, since our twenty-three year old daughter can't be here for your Girl's Week End , I am the second runner-up. Why don't you call Nancy Friday? MARY Del, please, you are not the second runner-up. You sound like you're Miss Alabama or something. I'm just saying that Laura and I have a very good Mother/Daughter relationship and since she is not here to share my Mother/Best Friend's weekend, then you're the one. And I mean the one, the partner, the person who shares every aspect of my everyday life and................who can more than appreciate that this is something I want to enjoy with my husband. Besides, Aunt K loves you and Mrs. Seville tolerates you just as much as she tolerates the rest of us. DEL Thank you, I think. Now, where should we set up the cocktails? MARY Del. That was for Father. We don't set the cocktails for Mother. Remember? DEL Sometimes, Bea has one. I just thought I would set up. MARY Only for a special occasion. We always set up for Father. I suppose, though, Aunt K will have one........and Kelly.........I forget about Mrs. Seville. Go ahead and set up. Mother will go along. (Del starts setting up for cocktails. Mary goes into the kitchen. The buzzer buzzes. Mary runs out of the kitchen and presses the button for the telephone buzzer.) MARY Thank you, John. They're early. Why can't they ever be late or on time, even? (She presses the button and holds the receiver of the phone.) Yes? Thank you. Send them up. (She looks at Del.) They're here. They're early, as usual. DEL Everything looks fine, except for all the things Constance did not pick up. Besides, like you said, they're family. MARY (Jokingly) Aren't you the sweetest. (She walks over and kisses him. She turns to go into the kitchen again.) I'll see about the appetizers. (Del walks over to the front door and looks through the peephole. He then looks at his watch. He addresses Mary but in a whisper.) DEL (Looking through the peep hole again) I hear the elevator. They're getting off. What is with that hat Aunt K is wearing? (He jumps back into the living room and stands there until the doorbell rings. He then walks over and opens the door.) Ladies, welcome. (He hugs each one. The doorman is also standing in the doorway holding several of the suitcases.) Mother, you look wonderful. Aunt K, the same. Kelly, we're so happy you joined everyone. (Addressing Mrs. Seville) Mrs. Seville. BEA Del, you're sweet. DEL Here, let me take your bags and coats. Thanks John, just put them in the hallway. We'll put them away. Thank you. (The ladies walk into the apartment.) (Mary comes out of the kitchen.) MARY Hi, everyone. Mother. (She kisses Bea and hugs the others.) KELLY Mary, Del, the apartment looks wonderful. It looks bigger. MARY We replaced the sofa. It's amazing how much room the old one took. DEL Aunt K, don't you look smart in that hat. AUNT K Thank you. You must wear it sometime. BEA Mary, you have done so much to this apartment. MARY Thank you, Mother. BEA (Walking over to the window) The view......I don't remember the view being so spectacular. It's amazing. MARY It's the same view as before. DEL Well, we did move the new sofa to the right. BEA It's so incredible. Don't you think so everyone? EVERYONE Yes, it's amazing. Spectacular. MARY Mother, I'm so glad you're impressed. It's the same view as the other visits. I suppose you're just looking at it differently. BEA I suppose I am. KELLY Mary, did you notice Mother's new hair style? It's lovely, don't you think? DEL Very attractive, Bea. MARY Of course. Mother, it's very different. But, then you used to wear your hair down when we were children. Remember? BEA I did. And for years I put it up every day. The first thing in the morning. One day my hairdresser said, Mrs. Watson, you have great hair and I think you need a new look. So he trimmed my hair and I love the way it feels. For so long, I suppose it was just maintenance. It sounds silly, I suppose, but now, I enjoy my hair. (Mary pulls Kelly aside and whispers.) MARY Maintenance? When did Mother start using the word maintenance ? KELLY Welcome to Bea's Birthday. DEL Ladies, why don't we get everyone settled. I'll show everyone to their room. Bea, you and Mrs. Seville are in the guest room. Kelly, you and Aunt K are in Laura's room. Don't worry, there's plenty of room. AUNT K Who's worried? BEA Mary, you're sure we're not crowding you too much? We could have stayed in a hotel you know? It was what I had originally planned. MARY Of course not, Mother. I want you to stay. All of you. It will be much more fun than staying in a hotel. Besides, this way we are able to spend more time with you during your visit. DEL That's right Bea. It's the first time you've ever stayed with us and all of you are welcome. Just make yourself at home. This will be much more fun than a hotel. AUNT K So when I ask for room service in the middle of the night, you'll fix me a ham and cheese sandwich? MARY Room service closes at ten, Aunt K. AUNT K Very funny. Don't forget, I can figure out where the kitchen is. DEL Ladies, this way. (He leads Bea, Mrs. Seville and Aunt K to the hallway to the other rooms. Kelly and Mary are standing in the living room.) MARY Mother looks great. That hairstyle makes her look ten years younger. I kind of miss it up though. KELLY She does look great. Thanks for having us as house guests, Mary. MARY Oh, it will be fun. Besides, this is the first time Mother has stayed in our apartment. She and Father always use to stay in a hotel. Of course, it would be simpler if it was just you and Mother. Don't misunderstand. I love the fact that she wanted her two best friends to join her on her birthday with all of us. It just would have been nice if it was just us. KELLY It would.' MARY But if it makes Mother happy, then that's all that matters. KELLY I feel the same way. MARY I just wish Laura could have come home. After all, she's just in Washington. The shuttle runs every hour. KELLY She still loves being in the political scene? MARY She does. It's funny. When we were her age, we were traveling through Europe and dating tennis pros. Here she is, my daughter, living and working in Washington for the most respected consumer group since Ralph Nader. Her boyfriend is twenty-one and published. KELLY What does that mean, published? I've always wondered. MARY Oh, the definition depends on the person. Del is published because he is a playwright. Someone else can write a one page interview and call themselves published. It's all-relative. Besides, in Washington, everyone's published or they think so. KELLY Del's so sweet to stay and put up with all of this. Roger just simply could not spend the entire weekend with Aunt K much less Mrs. Seville. MARY Don't be silly. Aunt K and Mrs. Seville adore Roger. KELLY What floor is you're apartment on? It must be pretty high because the altitude it making you say strange and funny things. Aunt K messes with people's minds and Mrs. Seville doesn't like anyone. At least in all the time we've known her, which has been, what? Forty years? MARY She's just particular, that's all KELLY Mary, get some air. Open a window or take the elevator to ground level. The only person Mrs. Seville likes or has ever liked is Mother. And she was married to Mr. Seville for fifty some odd years. I suppose he stuck around because she makes the best pot roast. MARY Shhhhh. Kelly, she might hear you. She and Mr. Seville were very happy. He use to laugh at everything. Remember? KELLY When he and Father would come in from a day at the golf course, everyone would be laughing. Remember? Father loved spending time with Mr. Seville. Mr. Seville used to tickle us all the time, especially right before bedtime. Remember? MARY I remember. You weren't ticklish, so you didn't mind. I, on the other hand, used to pretend to faint so he would call Mother and I could go to sleep. He was fun though. (Del returns.) DEL Well, everyone is getting settled and they'll be out in a few minutes. Kelly, do you need to get settled? KELLY That's all I ever am is settled. I'm fine, thank you. DEL Well, in that case, can I fix you a drink? KELLY A glass of wine would be just fine. (Del walks over and pours her a glass of wine.) Mary, how in the world did you get the perfect husband? I mean look at him. MARY I'm looking. DEL Well, thank you Kelly. KELLY I mean look at him. Nice, considerate, polite, genuine....... and famous. DEL Hardly famous. KELLY Three hit plays in five years. I'd say that makes you famous. At least famous in New York. And that's chic famous. People in Utah might not know who you are but you walk into a restaurant in New York and people do. Famous and loyal. So sweet to stay this week end to celebrate Mother's birthday. MARY Kelly, Del is here this weekend because I begged him to stay. For emotional support. If he had his way he would be with Roger somewhere. DEL There goes my extra credit. MARY By the way where is Roger this weekend? KELLY (Ignoring the question.) Washing his car or something. I have always envied the fact that you two are such friends for one another. You don't see that very often in marriages. MARY Don't be silly. Most of our couple friends are just like Del and me. KELLY Well, Roger and I are strictly husband and wife. Most of our riends are that way also. Maybe, it's a New York thing. MARY It is not a New York thing. If anything, it is a Nineties thing. KELLY You and Matt...how did two out of three children happen to find their true soul mates? MARY Kelly, you just stop this nonsense. You and Roger are very happy. KELLY Of course we're happy. It's just that you and Del and Matt and Lawson enjoy spending time together. MARY Let's change the subject. KELLY Oh Mary, you're so sensitive about everything. Roger and I are very happy. In a very he does his thing, I do my thing way. We've raised three children and we are very happy. However, we are not soul mates. What I'm saying is that everything you tell Del in private, I tell my girlfriends. Roger has no idea that I play tennis on a league or have lunch with the tennis pro. MARY You do not have lunch with the tennis pro. KELLY But if I did, he would not have any idea. If you ever decided to have lunch with your tennis pro, Del would probably ask him for you. That's what friends do for one another. DEL Mary and I might be soul mates, Kelly, but I doubt that I would ask the tennis pro to go lunch with Mary. KELLY (Joking.) Oh, you would. The point is that you two share thoughts and whatever it is that you and your friends seem to share with their husbands and wives. To be able to be totally comfortable with one another. Roger and I are married and we act married. You two are married and act like best friends. DEL Well, thank you Kelly. That is quite a compliment. MARY I see your point, Kelly. Now let's change the subject before Aunt K comes out or we'll be talking about this the entire week end. KELLY It's Mrs. Seville that I'm wary about. It's like when you just get comfortable, she comes into the room. MARY Kelly, you're too much. (Voices are heard. Bea, Mrs. Seville and Aunt K walk into the room.) KELLY (Addressing Del.) What did I say? DEL You were saying too much. We love you anyway. KELLY Thank you wonderful brother in-law. (She kisses him on the cheek.) DEL (Smiles at Kelly and then addresses Aunt K.) Aunt K , would you like something to drink? AUNT K That would be nice. DEL What can I get you? AUNT K A vodka martini, straight up with olives. Three olives. The glass has to be chilled first. Better yet, let me do it so I won't complain or hurt you feelings later. Bea said that I must be on my best behavior this trip. DEL Certainly, everything is over there. Aunt K, you would be considered very high maintenance by today's standards. MARY That word again. Del, please. AUNT K I've always been high maintenance. Except for my hair. I was born with wonderful hair. As a child, I never combed my hair. Combs broke immediately. I always used brushes. Never combs. Soft smooth brushes. It kept the texture. People still comment on my thick and smooth hair. BEA K, really. AUNT K It's true. I never lie except to people I don't like. I would never lie to anyone in this room. KELLY Well, that's a relief. DEL (Addresses Mrs. Seville.) Mrs. Seville? What would you like to drink? MRS. SEVILLE (Looking at Bea.) Bea? BEA She and I will have a glass of wine. MARY Real wine, Mother? KELLY What other kind is there? MARY It's just that....well, Mother, you usually only have a glass of wine once a year at Christmas. BEA I suppose I acquired a taste for it while Mrs. Seville and I were in Europe. And, this is a special occasion. Here I am with my two lovely daughters, my two dearest friends and my wonderful son in-law. MARY And we're so glad you are all here as our guests. By the way Mother, just a side note, Laura just could not get away from her job this weekend. Perhaps we can plan a trip down to Washington for a visit. BEA That would be lovely. You're father and I used to visit Washington quite a bit. We even took you children several times. I'm so happy that Laura likes Washington. What a wonderful city. She's so smart. (Looking at Kelly and Del.) Of course, I'm proud of all my grandchildren. I would love for us to visit. Just make sure we can arrange our calendar. MARY Our ? Mother, you mean your calendar? BEA Our means my calendar and Mrs. Seville's. I can go anytime if it isn't already on the calendar. MRS. SEVILLE That's if, it is all right for me to come along? MARY (Somewhat surprised.) Of course. The trip would not be complete if you did not come. (Mary walks over and Kelly hands her a glass of wine.) KELLY (Whispering to Mary.) You are such a fantastic actress. MARY (Ignoring Kelly.) You two just look at your calendars and we'll plan something. KELLY Aunt K. I hope you don't feel left out? AUNT K If I felt left out, I would already be on that vacation. I don't think I have ever been left out of anything. Ever. KELLY That is quite an accomplishment, Aunt K. AUNT K That's because I adapt. I'm very adaptable. DEL A wonderful quality, Aunt K. AUNT K I would have been a wonderful wife of a governor. BEA For goodness sakes, K. Sometimes your mind detours. AUNT K I would have entertained the famous. Brought them to our state and made an impression on our fair state. DEL (Addressing Kelly.) What is she talking about? KELLY Uncle Seth ran for governor in the early sixties. He ran on the Democrat ticket but for some reason he did not win. DEL (Addressing Mary.) You never mentioned that story to me. MARY I guess I've heard it for so long that I just thought you had heard it before. Remember how she's always comparing herself to Lady Bird. DEL (Addressing Aunt K.) How come he didn't win, Aunt K? AUNT K Unions or something. We would have been an incredible team. I would have been an incredible First Lady. DEL You would have been spectacular. AUNT K (Somewhat laughing.) If anything, the martini's would have been. DEL You would have used the letter K rather than spelling out K-A-Y-E? AUNT K I have never spelled my name. It has always been the letter K. Well, since first grade anyway. My first day of school the L. teacher asked me to introduce myself to the class. I said, M. My name is Katherine but I prefer to be called K like in the N. alphabet. Keep it simple. That's what I say. BEA (Laughing.) K, for goodness sakes. You are a bird. Wonderful Aunt K. At least you were invited to John Kennedy's Inauguration. DEL (Hands the glasses of wine to Bea and Mrs. Seville.) Here you go ladies. Cheers. To Bea's Birthday. Happy Birthday Bea. (Everyone toasts.) (Addressing Aunt K.) Must have been incredible going to Kennedy's Inaugural. AUNT K It was very cold. The weather was freezing. John Kennedy looked so handsome in his top hat and tails. They don't dress like that for Inaugurations anymore. Just the First Ladies. Not the men. They just wear suits now. It was something, though. I would have made your uncle wear tails for his inauguration. MARY (Sweetly.) I'm sure you two would have been something. AUNT K I would have been because I'm adaptable. (Changing the subject.) So where are we going for dinner this evening? MARY Well, we have nine o'clock reservations at The Crown Bistro and then I thought we might make a stop at Sardis. That's was always one of your favorites, right Mother. BEA Your Father and I loved Sardis. Of course, it's different today. Much more for the tourist today. MARY Mother, it's the same. As a matter of fact, it is becoming the place to be seen again. DEL That's right Bea. Sardi's is quite the place to go. It's quite trendy. The service is great and, Aunt K, you can still get the most fantastic martini. BEA Then we must go. AUNT K I suppose it would be rude to skip dinner? (Everyone looks at her.) (The buzzer rings.) MARY Who would ring the door bell? John didn't announce anyone. Were we supposed to feed someone's cat or something? (Del walks over to the front door and smiles. He turns to everyone.) DEL What a surprise. (He opens the door. Laura is standing in the doorway.) MARY (She runs over to hug Laura.) What in the world. LAURA Hi, everyone. Mother, hi. MARY Laura, what in the world are you doing here? LAURA Well, I got to thinking about this week end and I just thought that there was no way I was going to miss Grandma's birthday. Work can wait. MARY (Addressing Kelly and Del.) How in the world did I get such a wonderful daughter. DEL (Whispering to Kelly and Mary.) Does this mean I can go and find Roger? KELLY Good luck. LAURA Nice try Dad. MARY Stay where you are Del. (Laura walks over and hugs Bea.) BEA You are wonderful. This weekend is complete. Laura, dear, settle in and then join us for dinner. After all, it is my birthday. MARY Just let me get Laura settled and then we'll be off. LAURA Mother, I'm fine. I'll just put my things down and then we can go. DEL Did you take the train or the shuttle? LAURA The shuttle. DEL Laura, honey, there's plenty of time. Get settled, have a drink and then we'll be off. How's Armon? LAURA Confused, but what else is new? Everyone, excuse me for two seconds. I just want to put everything down and then we'll have a wonderful visit. MARY Laura, dear, you and Kelly will have decide who will share you're room with Aunt K. The den is also open. LAURA No problem. I'll stay with Aunt K. (Turning to Aunt K.) It will be fun. AUNT K Such a sweet daughter. LAURA I'll be right back. (Laura walks to her room.) AUNT K You take your time, sweety. BEA Laura, there's no hurry. LAURA (To Bea.) Thanks, Grand Ma. DEL (Addressing Mary.) So what about Armon? MARY Sounds as if they are at a cross road. KELLY Cross road. Yea, right. It sounds as if Armon can't make a commitment. MARY Kelly, please. BEA Mary, they're still very young. There's no need to become upset. After all, I can remember many a time I heard that same sentence from her mother. None of your boyfriends wanted to be serious. DEL (Joking. Addressing Mary.) You must remember how it was when all those boyfriends before me could not make up their minds. Good thing they didn't. I'm happy they didn't. MARY (Addressing Bea.) Mother, Laura is much more mature than I was at her age. It was a different time. Armon is very important to her. I will not dismiss it as a simple crush like mine were. It is not the David Cassidy or Bobby Sherman thing, Mother. Isn't it interesting that she is more together than we are? DEL You always think that. Why do you always think that? MARY Because, she is so together. Do you remember when she went off to camp? How controlled she was? You and I missed her so much that we drove to the camp to see her? And that was Day Camp. AUNT K David Cassidy is your age now, isn't he? BEA Sweetheart, I'm sure it's very important. I would never dismiss it in that way. And I never did with you. Laura has a good head on her shoulders. She's perceptive. She knows what she wants and she'll be fine. MARY (More intense.) As opposed to me at her age? KELLY (Addressing Mary.) Chill, dear sister. MARY No, I just wanted to ask Mother a question. I realize that I was more indecisive when I was my daughter's age. I just wanted to make sure Mother understood that I understand. DEL Mary, for the love of Woody Allen, we were just talking less than thirty minutes ago about how together our daughter is and now you want to psychoanalyze your childhood? MARY I'm just trying to make a point. BEA Mary, dear. I was just making a statement. Never would I compare you to your daughter. You, Kelly and Matt are everything to me. Please don't be upset. (Silence.) MARY Oh, Mother, I apologize. I am so sorry. I just get so uptight when it comes to Laura and her happiness. No matter how old she is. It amazes me that she is so mature. Much more mature than I was at her age. Every one, I'm sorry. I want you to know that I would never speak to Mother in a harmful way. BEA It just means that you are a wonderful mother and love Laura very much. You want what's best for her. Naturally.. MARY Thank you, Mother. (Del walks over and hugs Mary.) DEL You are incredible. You and Bea. AUNT K Well, I find it all refreshing. Everyone was being so polite with one another that I was getting bored. When people are that nice to one another, they must not care. Bea, I'm glad to see that you and your daughters still have the kind of relationship that allows for many of emotions to run through one conversation. Seth and I raised our sons to speak their minds. They still do and it irritates me to no end. (Laura walks into the room.) LAURA All settled. Aunt K, I brought some really neat CD's if you'd like to listen to then before you go to sleep. AUNT K Any Leona Horne? LAURA Two. AUNT K I brought my own CD player. LAURA Great. (Del hands her a glass of wine.) Thank you Daddy. (Addressing Mrs. Seville.) Mrs. Seville, how was your trip? MRS. SEVILLE Quite nice, Laura. Thank you for asking. LAURA I understand you and Grandma had a wonderful time in Europe. MRS. SEVILLE (Looking at Bea.) We traveled quite a bit. BEA We traveled to seven countries in one month. LAURA Not to sound too cliché, but what was your favorite? BEA (Addressing Mrs. Seville.) What do you think? Venice, Paris or Rome? MRS. SEVILLE All three were wonderful. KELLY (Addressing Mrs. Seville.) Are you planning to go again? MRS. SEVILLE I suppose we might. BEA I think our next trip will be to Ireland. I have always wanted to go. Your father thought it would be fun. We traveled to many places but never to Ireland. MARY Sounds like fun, Mother. DEL (Looking at his watch.) Last call before we go. Anyone? Our reservations are in forty minutes. By the time we get a cab and get to the restaurant it will be time for our table. We'll need two cabs. I'll buzz John to flag two. (Everyone answers that they are fine.) I'll get everyone's coats. (Everyone follows Del into the entrance hall except for Mary, Kelly and Bea.) MARY Mother, I m truly sorry for snapping at you. I would never do that. It's just that Laura really likes this Armon guy and I don't want her to be hurt. BEA Dear, it's all forgotten. It makes me proud that my daughter, (Looking at Kelly.)both my daughters are such loving mothers. (Del walks into the room. Addresses Mary.) DEL I'll go downstairs and see about the cabs. Laura, Aunt K, and Mrs. Seville can ride with me. Bea and Kelly can ride in your cab. That will give you three time to visit a little. (Del walks out of the room.) MARY Thank you dear. KELLY I'm telling you right here and now. That is one wonderful husband. If that was Roger, I'd be the one downstairs hailing a cab. MARY John, the doorman hails the cabs, Kelly. KELLY You're missing the point. BEA Goodness, Kelly, the way you go on about Roger sometimes. KELLY I love Roger very much. One of his most endearing qualities is his ability to ignore everyone around him. BEA (Laughing.) Kelly, really. (They walk out of the room.) SceneII. (Three o'clock in the morning. Everyone has gone to bed except or Mary, Laura and Kelly. They are sitting on the sofa talking. They are talking about Laura's boyfriend.) LAURA I don't know why it is so hard for Armon to feel close to me. After all, we share all our thoughts and aspirations. KELLY Thoughts and aspirations. Tell me, does he do the laundry? Does he cook? Does he listen? LAURA He cooks all the time. KELLY That doesn't mean a thing. That's a nineties thing. A throw back from the sixties. Men today love to cook. It's like their next power trip. Cooking in the kitchen. But who cleans up? Does Armon clean up after he cooks? LAURA Well, after all, he cooks. It's only fair that I clean the kitchen afterward. KELLY You are so much like your mother. Who established the rule that the one who cooks does not have to clean the kitchen? LAURA Aunt Kelly, it's only the polite thing to do. KELLY Polite? Polite and the word marriage do not belong in the same sentence. Let me just say this. If more people who loved to cook had to clean the kitchen after they cooked, they would think twice about cooking. Well, cooking with more than five ingredients anyway. And they would be a little more considerate of one another. Consideration is the key. LAURA You just asked if he cooked, Aunt Kelly. That is only one aspect of our relationship. KELLY All I'm saying is that today he assumes. Tomorrow, he will expect you to do all those things. MARY Kelly, you're going on again. It's three in the morning. You're not going to persuade Laura into leaving Armon this evening. Perhaps you should try again in the morning. For now, I'm going to say good night. KELLY Just because you have a wonderful husband who adores you doesn't mean that I can't give solid advice to your daughter who has just happened to have fallen in love with Roger's clone. Only twenty years younger. I am trying to save this dear girl years of trying to understand the person she marries. She should set rules in the beginning and not try to years later like I did. MARY Kelly, you and Roger are very happy. Please go on to bed. KELLY It takes a lot of design and planning to achieve the kind of marriage Roger and I have established. MARY Please, Kelly. You make it sound like you signed a peace treaty or something. You and Roger have a wonderful marriage. You've raised wonderful children. Now, please, go to bed. (Del walks into the room.) DEL You ladies are still up? Do you know it's three o'clock in the morning?' LAURA Sorry, Daddy. Did we wake you? DEL I saw the light on and heard voices. KELLY You are just in time. We were just trying to set your daughter's mind straight about men. MARY We. Notice how she says we. Kelly, you're incredible. DEL Just what does my perfect daughter need straightening out about men. I think she has excellent taste in men. LAURA Spoken like a true and loyal Dad. KELLY This is pointless. MARY Good. Now we can all go to bed. KELLY (Kelly pauses acknowledging that it's time to change the subject. Mary gets up and starts walking to her bedroom. Kelly sees this as a perfect opportunity to change the subject.) All right. Mary, you and Del are so sweet to include all of us this weekend. And with Laura surprising us all. What a house full. Honestly, it would not be a problem if I went to a hotel. I mentioned to Roger before the trip that if things were too much or too crowded, I would stay in a hotel and maybe Mother and I could share a room. DEL Kelly, we would not hear of you checking into a hotel. There's plenty of room here. MARY Oh, no you don't. You're all staying here. That was the setup. You're not taking Mother anywhere. How thoughtful of you. Aunt K and Mrs. Seville can just be our house guests while you and Mother enjoy bonding at the Carlyle. You're all staying right here. I'm glad that Laura showed up here tonight. We'll all camp here for the weekend. Besides, even in your wildest dreams of staying in a hotel with Mother, I doubt that Mrs. Seville would like the idea of Mother not being here with her. KELLY Del and Laura, I want you to understand that I do not have the competitive sister thing that obviously your wife and mother seems to constantly emphasize. Really, Mary, take a class in flower arranging or something. MARY I simply want the week end to remain as planned. Laura's arrival should not change anything. KELLY Well, it's interesting that you would just happen to mention Mrs. Seville. MARY Mrs. Seville? Why is that so interesting? KELLY (Kelly pauses again.) Well, I was going to chat with you in the morning about this but since we're all up and you have made such a candid statement about Mrs. Seville. I'll go ahead. What you just said is interesting because I think she would mind. DEL Who? Mind what? KELLY Mrs. Seville. DEL Why would Mrs. Seville mind? KELLY Funny we never refer to her by her first name. Have you ever noticed that? MARY Why would we? We've known her since we were children. I don't even know what her first name is. LAURA What is her first name? KELLY It's Niace. MARY What? KELLY Her first name is Niace. Spelled N I A C E, but pronounced like the word nice . Ironic, don't you think? MARY First of all, I think you're joking. LAURA (Laughing.) Mother. KELLY I would not make a thing like that up. MARY Anyway, why would we necessarily start calling her by her first name just because we're adults? KELLY I'm just saying that there is more to the story than..... well, you fill in the blanks. MARY Kelly, I have no idea what you're referring to. Why would I suddenly decide to refer to Mrs. Seville as anything other that Mrs. Seville? KELLY And I thought that you and Matt were the hip ones in the family. MARY What does our brother have to do with us..... or being hip? KELLY Remember how we use to think that Matt and Mother were just too close? Well, I love Lawson more than anyone, and remember how Mother and Matt bonded so quickly when he came out? Well, all I am saying is that I see a parallel. MARY What parallel? The only thing that seemed to surprise me was Lawson, this six foot two, former football quarterback, collects Barbie dolls. (Turns to Laura for agreement.) And, has quite a collection. LAURA He has been collecting them for years. Long before it became a segment on the Home Shopping Network. KELLY You are amazing. You and Del. And you, Laura, for that matter. I think it's because you live in New York. You all are so liberal here. Nothing seems to register. Nothing seems to bother any of you. MARY Oh, please. Nothing seems to bother us because our main concern during the day is just to deal with the city. Going to and from work. Thank goodness we live in Manhattan. The other stuff,... all the other stuff, like who is seeing who is a luxury. My point is, people who live in the city....and work in the city, don't want to spare the time to be bothered by other people's personal lives. Liberal? Yes, for several reasons. It is none of my business. And second, I am too busy doing my own thing and if what someone else does not bother my own daily thing, then I am fine. Liberal? Liberal is just a word. I raised my daughter to enjoy people and who they are and not to judge. Liberal? No, just the way it should be. I want the best for my daughter. Her education and everything else. If two guys are dating....well, what does that have to do with my daughter except that she has two wonderful uncles who live together. KELLY Nothing. That is fine with the world. Would you continue that attitude even if it meant that Bea and Mrs. Seville are two wonderful uncles who live together? MARY Kelly, I can only think that you need to spend more time with ther people and not watching Talk Shows or Day Time Dramas. KELLY I do not watch Day Time Dramas. And, just because I spend my time with my friends at the tennis club, you might think it simply social. Well, I happen to think that my husband and I are very hip people, thank you. We're just not as hip as most people. I'm the first to admit that I wear too much Ralph Lauren. LAURA Where in the world would you even think that Grand Ma and Mrs. Seville are a couple? KELLY Niance. Might as well start calling her by her first name. Do you not see the way Mrs. ......, I mean Niace looks at Mother. She glances over to her more than, well, I don't know what. And Mother seems so natural. Something, we've never seen. Ever. MARY Mother has always been natural. Formal, maybe, but always natural. DEL Kelly, you think this just because she went to Europe with Mrs. Seville and had such a wonderful time. I agree with Mary. You're imagination is working overtime. MARY Just because our mother decides that she is going to conquer the world with a good friend? And I might add a friend of Mother's for over seventy years. Kelly, things can't be that boring to make you invent such a notion. KELLY Mother has always been organized, regimented and a multi-tasker, even before that was a word. She always knew what to say. When to say the right thing. What appropriate Christmas gift to buy for the neighbors or for the executives at work, but, not until Father approved of them. Now she's traveling all over everywhere. Acting like she's a girl again and spending all, and I mean all, her spare time with Mrs. Niace. Haven't you noticed how they look at one another? When they are together, it's like no one else in the same room. They become their own world. They communicate without talking. Mrs. Seville raises her eyebrows and Mother nods in agreement. LAURA Perhaps they just know each other so well. KELLY Dear sweat Laura. Am I the crazy one here? I mean I really don't mind. I was thrilled when Matt came out. I just think Mother should fess up. That's all. DEL (Joking.) Fess up? Fess up? Kelly, watch your language. (Aunt K and Bea walk into the room.) AUNT K If you were planning an after party, you should have mentioned it during dinner. MARY Sorry, Aunt K. Did we wake you? BEA Mary, dear, you're talking to Aunt K. She was probably waiting up until all of you went to bed so she could fix a nice bourbon and watch the late show. AUNT K It's no longer called the late show, Bea. Everything now is referred to as late night. BEA K, Mary thought she was keeping you up and I was just trying to reassure her that nothing keeps you up. You keep yourself up. AUNT K I always have. I would have been an incredible First Lady. BEA (Laughing.) For goodness sakes, K.. (Addressing the others.) I had so much fun this evening. The dinner, Sardi's and that wonderful piano bar. MARY You sure knew all the words to the Cole Porter tunes. BEA I love all those songs. I hope we didn't keep everyone out too late. KELLY I never knew Mrs. Seville was such a night person. AUNT K She swings with the best of them. One thing about Mrs. Seville. She might not say very much but she's a sport. BEA It was a lovely evening. DEL Well, as long as everyone is up. Can I get anyone a glass of milk or something? AUNT K I'll join you in the kitchen and have a look. (Aunt K and Del walk into the kitchen.) BEA (Addressing Laura.) You having a nice visit with your mother? LAURA Yes. BEA What were you talking about? LAURA My boyfriend, Armon. Mostly. MARY Yes, Kelly was attempting to give Laura advice on how to train a husband. BEA (Laughing.) Kelly, you do go on sometimes. KELLY I do not. (Looking at Mary.) Well, when it's important. BEA (Smiling at Laura.) There's nothing wrong with being overloaded with knowledge and wisdom, dear. KELLY (Amused.) Thank you, Mother. (Del and Aunt K walk out of the kitchen carrying a tray of cookies and a pitcher of milk and glasses.) AUNT K Mid-night snack, everyone. KELLY That was quick. (Mrs. Seville comes out.) DEL Mrs. Seville, were we disturbing you? MRS. SEVILLE Of course not. I just wondered where Bea was. KELLY (Addressing Laura and Mary.) How sweet. AUNT K Del, is the cabinet still open. I should just have a small bourbon and branch since it is so late and we're all trying to have a good night's sleep. DEL Of course, Aunt K. It's open. As a matter of fact I think I'll join you. BEA It's so nice coming to New York this time of year. I love it when it's cold in New York. Perhaps it will snow. MARY I think you'll see some snow during this visit Mother. DEL You'll have to plan another trip during the early part of the summer before it gets too hot. The city's nice then. Everyone goes away for the week end and you never have to wait for a table in any restaurant. BEA Sounds interesting. (Addressing Niace.) Mrs. Seville, do you remember that summer we spent in New York? MRS. SEVILLE It was something. DEL Here you go Aunt K. AUNT K Thank you dear. How sweet. (She takes a sip.) Mary, dear, what is he doing? Trying to wean me. Bless your heart, Del, dear, but this is not the color of walnut. (Mary points to Del to please correct the drink order.) BEA It's seems like yesterday. It was a very fun time, wasn't it? Mrs. Seville (Laughing and opening up a bit.) Yes, it was. BEA (Addressing Mrs. Seville.) We actually went to that audition for chorus girls? (Addressing everyone.) It was after the Zeigfield Follies era, but chorus girls were big, very big in nightclubs. Especially in New York. It was a vehicle to Hollywood. MARY Mother, what audition? I thought you spent a summer studying here in New York. BEA That was what we were supposed to be doing. Both our families thought that we should study at a very prestigious social charm school the summer before our debuts. In between learning social etiquette, we were enrolled in various art classes, museum tours and searched for the perfect white gown for the coming out party. We spent most of the summer trying to become actresses. BEA (Continued) Remember, Mrs. Seville? (Mrs. Seville nods in agreement.) Oh, we went to plenty of museums and the theatre. But I thought I could be the next Garbo. And you, Mrs. Seville, thought you could be the next Katherine Hepburn. What a team we were. MARY (Whispers to Kelly. Don't say a word. BEA One afternoon, Mrs. Seville and I read an audition advertisement in the Sunday New York Times and for fun we went down to the theatre and auditioned. DEL Just like that? A cold call? BEA I wouldn't call it cold call. We read the advertisement in the paper and went down to the theatre. Back then.... well, we handed him some sheet music and the both of us sang and danced. I wish they had videos then so you could see how we performed. LAURA Why have I never heard this story before? KELLY I have never heard this story before. Mother, are you joking? BEA Kelly, dear, for goodness sakes. DEL (In an amusing tone.) So, I gather that the two of you did not hit it off with the director, otherwise we would be looking at two legendary Hollywood stars. MARY Mother, are you teasing us? BEA Of course not. Aunt K is the one who goes on about stories. I haven't thought about that audition or that summer for a very long time. That fall we made our debuts and I married you father the next summer. Everything changed after that. You children came along. There was very little time in between to think about that summer. DEL So how did you two do at the audition? BEA (looking at Mrs. Seville.) Well, one of us was good enough to receive a call back and an offer for a role in one of the shows. (Everyone looks at Mrs. Seville.) Why don't you finish the story, Mrs. Seville? MRS. SEVILLE You're all being ridiculous. What interest is it to any of you? It was such a long time ago. My goodness, Bea, we've raised seven children since then. MARY Why have I never heard this story before? Has anyone heard this story before? DEL Now you know how I felt about the Uncle Seth story. MARY That's not the same. AUNT K You're Uncle Seth would have made a wonderful governor. And I would have made an incredible first lady. BEA Really, K. AUNT K I have a right to remember too. Besides Mrs. Seville, if you don't tell the story, then I will and I will make up most of the story. BEA Oh, all right. I'll finish the story. The director offered Mrs. Seville a small part. He said it would lead to bigger parts and eventually to Hollywood. Well, we both knew that he was probably exaggerating a great deal. And, well, we did have our debuts coming up and our weddings. We were not going to be foolish. We, of course, had to do the right thing. Besides, Mrs. Seville would never have taken the part if I had not been offered one. And, of course, we were so young and it was like our last big hurrah before we became mature, married adults. Even if a part had been offered to me, there was no way that I would have taken the part because I was terribly in love with your father. He was waiting for me back home. KELLY Mother, that's so sweet. AUNT K Mrs. Seville, you should have taken the job. At least to see the look on everyone's face back home. MRS. SEVILLE Bea was the one with the talent. I just think the director favored my costume more. BEA You were stunning as I recall. (Mary, Laura, Del and Kelly look at one another.) KELLY As long as we're all awake, got any more stories, Mother? BEA Maybe, tomorrow. It's late. We should all get some sleep. Although, I'm not very sleepy at the moment. Maybe I'll watch some late night. DEL Some of the cable channels here in New York might surprise you, Bea. BEA I don't think anything can surprise me. After all, I am the oldest in the room. AUNT K Bea, I'm the oldest. I've just been saying that I was younger all these years to make you feel better. BEA K, I've known you since the day I met their father. He told me the day I met you that you were a hand full. Goodness, you are still a hand full. MRS. SEVILLE Bea, I'm not very tired either. If you would like, I'll be glad to keep you company. BEA Of course, Mrs. Seville, that would be very nice. KELLY Speaking of nice. While we're all just sitting...and standing around tossing around old stories. I know I would like to hear how you started referring to Mrs. Seville as Mrs. Seville, Mother? After all, you two have been friends for over seventy years. MARY Really, Kelly. KELLY What? I think it's interesting. Mother, what did you call each other when you were children? BEA Seventy years. Mrs. Seville, is that right? Seventy? MRS. SEVILLE Well at least sixty something. We were around five or six when we met. . KELLY Then why do you refer to Mrs. Seville as Mrs. Seville? BEA Well. It's been so long. (Smiling.) The year after our New York summer we both married. I suppose it was a rite of passage for the both of us. From being young women to young married women. I suppose I did it to tease in a way but never to hurt. It was a game we played. That's all KELLY That's all? MARY Kelly, really. BEA Why is it of interest. We've always called Mrs. Seville by her married name. LAURA No reason, Grandma. Kelly is just being Kelly. KELLY Oh, now once again I'm the one. DEL We wouldn't have you any other way. KELLY That's so typical. Mother, everyone is just thinking that I am out of my mind. And may I remind everyone in this room that I am your oldest daughter so I should expect some respect when I ask you this. Did you love father? I mean, did you marry him because you truly loved him or did you love someone else? MARY That's enough, Kelly. BEA Mary, dear, it's all right. I don't understand the reason for the question but I have never avoided a question from my daughters. AUNT K I wouldn't answer a question like that, Bea. BEA Oh, yes you would, K. (Looking at Mary and Kelly.) I was in love your father the day I met him. From then on, everything was for him. For us. We grew together and it was wonderful. It was like being with a new best friend and lover. MARY Mother, you said lover. I've never heard your say the word lover before. Was Daddy really your lover? BEA And I thought my generation was hung up on words and phrases. Yes, pumpkin, he was. I suppose people did not use terms like that fifty years ago, but that was what it was like. Things were understood. People didn't talk as much as they do today. AUNT K That's the truth. People today make a living talking about things that were too personal fifty, forty, oh even thirty years ago. Just turn on your television any afternoon of the week. There are Talk Shows that are of no interest to anyone but the talk show host and that's because he or she is pulling in seven figures. Of course, I believe in speaking your mind as long as it's not offensive. BEA K, please. (Addressing Mary.) Your father was my world. That was what was expected back then. (Addressing Laura.) You have the world by the tail, dear. You can marry whenever you like. When Mrs. Seville, Aunt K and I came along, it was expected that we should marry while we were young. I was fortunate to fall in love with your father. I'm sure there were a lot of debutantes that year who were never truly happy in their marriages. Your father was a wonderful man. MARY You did truly love him though, didn't you? BEA Why, of course. Why in the world would you think otherwise? LAURA (Hugs Bea.) Oh, Grandma, you are wonderful. Kelly is just so into herself. KELLY Me, again. AUNT K Del, dear. I think something big is about to break, so would you mind? (She hands him her drink for a refill.) DEL Certainly, Aunt K. BEA Kelly, what is this all about. You have been acting in a certain way since we arrived in New York. Even before. What is going on? KELLY Mother, you seem so independent. You seem to appear, and I mean this in the most complimentary way. Your own person. Although you have always been your own person. Mother, it just seems odd, I don't mean odd. (Looking at Mary, the to Laura.) It just seems out of character for you to all of a sudden begin to travel all of the time, order wine at dinner, and stay out later than your children. It just seems different. BEA But, why is different so unusual. You girls grew up in a different era than I did. I grew up in a time when the woman of the house was the woman of the house. Your father was a wonderful man. Probably one of the most unique men of his time. He expected a great deal but in return he was amazing. Don't forget that our wedding took place two days after my twentieth birthday. Mary, remember the summers during and after college when you worked as a page in the Senate in Washington and then worked here in New York for that fashion designer? (Mary nods.) And Kelly, remember when you spent those summers working in St. Thomas? You had those before your weddings. You lived by yourself or with roommates. Kelly, with a dozen roommates. KELLY Some were better than others. BEA But you experienced whatever you needed to before you married. Wonderful experiences and memories. MARY Mother, do you remember when Kelly almost ran off with Stan? BEA The surfer? The one who always did your hair? KELLY I was madly in love. He was so big and strong. He did love my hair. AUNT K He really would have loved my hair. MARY He loves hair in general. It has to do with the fact that he and his lover, Frederick, have one of the renown hair salons on the East Coast. KELLY He was not gay then. AUNT K What? Did it dawn on him while he was plugging in the coffee maker? MARY Kelly, he was gay since the day he was born. But that had nothing to do with the fact that he did propose to you out of love. Not a husband and wife love but out of a , well, out of a I love her as a person, hair included, love . Maybe that's one reason you're so obsessed with. LAURA (Quietly to Mary.) Mother. DEL Girls. You both have wonderful hair. MARY Thank you, Del. (Addressing Kelly.) Del loves to brush my hair. KELLY Oh, you're such a husband. BEA You girls were lucky. You chose your partner. Your husband. MARY But you did also, Mother. BEA I was guided. I was lucky also. The man that I was guided to was wonderful, loving, and adored me. Back then, you found someone and learned to love him. Your father was the wealthy and progressive businessman and I was the young, beautiful debutante. I was fortunate. I loved your father very much. He was an easy person to love because he knew how to love. (Addressing Mary.) It was something that didn't just happen, the way you two fell in love. I learned and truly did love. Do you understand. Today, well it's a different kind of freedom. Your Father was a wonderful man. We raised three beautiful and successful children. AUNT K Get to the point, Bea. What is your point?' BEA (Laughing at Aunt K.) Now, it's my turn. I truly believe your father would have wanted me to act this way. Remember when Aunt K married Phil. You were probably too young. Well, for a widow to remarry at the age of fifty in those days was unheard of. Aunt K invited all of her closest friends to her house for a luncheon and announced that she still and would always love Uncle Seth, but that she was still young enough to enjoy life and she planned to marry Phil that very afternoon after the luncheon. LAURA I always thought you were cool, Aunt K. Outspoken for your time. AUNT K I just wanted to be happy. Not lonely but happy. There's not an age limit on happiness, you know. KELLY Mother, you and Father were happy, weren't you? BEA Of course we were. The happiest. MARY Think about all of those women who never fell in love with the men they were expected to marry. KELLY Then all of this traveling. Finding your new persona. That's all it is? BEA What else could it be, Kelly? KELLY Nothing, Mother. I am very relieved. I mean happy. AUNT K She thinks you're a lesbian. BEA What? (Mary, Kelly, Del and Laura.) Aunt K! AUNT K Among my many talents, I also have wonderful hearing. I can eavesdrop from 100 yards. And you all thought I was asleep in the den. KELLY Aunt K, you are out of line. AUNT K You wanted an answer and I don't think Bea has given you one yet. Besides, things were getting boring. Husbands brushing their wife's hair. Please, it's three in the morning. As long as we're awake, let's keep it interesting. BEA K, what are you talking about? AUNT K Your daughters think you are a lesbian. And you too, Mrs. Seville. MARY Really, Aunt K. (Pausing.) Mother, it was Kelly. KELLY Me, again. MARY Mother, let me try to explain. We were just talking about your being so much your own person. Kelly brought up the fact that perhaps you and Mrs. Seville, well, might be more than friends. LAURA Grandma, I personally don't think it's anyone's business. BEA Mary, what in the world are you talking about? MARY Nothing. I just thought I would try to explain. Let's just forget Aunt K ever said anything. AUNT K Don't try to pin this one on me, dear. DEL No one meant to hurt your feelings Bea. BEA But my feeling aren't hurt. I was just wondering what all this mischief is about. AUNT K They think you and Mrs. Seville are a couple. Like Matt and Lawson. MRS. SEVILLE Oh dear. LAURA Mrs. Seville, they're just talking. Please don't take it personally. MRS. SEVILLE You're sweet, Laura. BEA Well, now I am really awake. (Addressing Mary and Kelly.) Would one of you two please explain this gossip? DEL (Addressing Mary.) I think you should let Kelly start. MARY Kelly? KELLY It's always up to me. (Pause.) Mother, it's just that you seem to have changed a great deal. I don't just mean your hairstyle. Your personality is different. You seem adventurous. You seem more exciting. Not that you weren't before but you seemed more reserved. Now you're constantly traveling. And everything BEA Kelly dear, I am still the same person. Perhaps I have come into my own. Many women around my age do. I traveled with you father a great deal. I don't think it would please him if I simply sat at home. Perhaps I have changed some. I do feel independent but that comes with the territory. People change at different stages in their lives. MARY Oh, Mother. BEA Where does the lesbian idea come from? AUNT K It's simple. Matt is gay and living very happily with Lawson. You do everything with Mrs. Seville. It's not the new math, Bea. (Addressing Mary and Kelly.) Am I correct? LAURA The new math was Mom and Dad's generation, Aunt K. DEL I never understood it anyway. KELLY You guys, come on. Mother, I just thought. Well, you do everything together. I realize that you two have known each other since you were children but each of you does not make a move without consulting with the other. It just seems a little much that's all. BEA I see. (Pause. Bea and Mrs. Seville look at one another and nod at the same time. Addressing Mrs. Seville.) Mrs. Seville, I am so sorry if all of this has embarrassed you. MRS. SEVILLE There're just wondering, Bea. After all they are your children. BEA It's interesting that all of this should matter to anyone. I think of Lawson the same way I do Roger and Del. They are my children's partners. They make each other happy. MRS. SEVILLE May I say something. LAURA Certainly, Mrs. Seville. MARY Of course, Mrs. Seville. MRS. SEVILLE I have known you girls since you were born. Though I don't show emotion as well as your mother, I do feel. My husband had all of the personality in our marriage. He was the one that made everyone laugh. In addition to my children, Bea is the most important person in my world.When the opportunity for a truly best friend comes along, one should grab that friendship and nurture it. Bea and I grew up together knowing each other so well. Over a course of sixty or seventy years, you learn more than you ever thought you could about another person. A person may have several best friends during a lifetime or perhaps just one. Its uniqueness is ever present because complete unconditional affection and enjoyment bind these friendships to one another. This is not to say that my husband was not everything to me. He was. He was just not my best friend. (Addressing Bea) Bea, you are very fortunate to have such a loving family that cares about you. MARY I've always considered Del my best friend. My true soul mate. LAURA Mother, that's sweet. AUNT K I was a lesbian once. BEA Really K, you are too much. When on earth do you think you were a lesbian? AUNT K During my college days. LAURA Aunt K, playing on the women's basketball team in the thirties does not make you a lesbian. AUNT K I would have been a good one though. DEL Without a doubt, Aunt K. KELLY Then what is this new found independence? If it isn't lesbianism, then what? LAURA Lesbianism. I never thought I would hear you say lesbianism, Aunt Kelly. KELLY I read. Mother, we just want you to be happy. BEA Mrs. Seville is right. The enjoyment of another person's company is so important. Whether traveling to Europe or reading the newspaper on the screen porch. Full companionship with one another. Waking up each morning with anticipation of the other. Do you say lesbian because our friendship seems so intimate therefore it must be much more than the usual friendship people enjoy. Surely, you don't define everything in you life based on whether people are intimate. If the only difference is intimacy, then I suppose I'll never answer your question. DEL Kelly started it. KELLY Del, that's not funny. MARY Of course it is. I'm just happy that Mother and Mrs. Seville have each other to enjoy doing things. It's wonderful. You do not have to expect my approval on anything. I just want you to be happy. BEA Thank you, Mary. AUNT K My I have a word here? (Silence.) (Aunt K, continued...) Well, I will anyway. A person's life is like a book that is continuously being written. I read that somewhere. Filled with chapters. When one chapter comes to a close, another is written. A person should not limit the number of chapters. I personally could care less if these two women are lesbians. They are my oldest friends. They have had wonderful marriages and raised wonderful children. No one should have to sit at home just to accommodate a role that was created for people years ago. I'm just curious as to way you didn't think I was a lesbian. Just because I've had two husbands? (Pause.) MARY Oh, Mother. I am so sorry about this. I hope this hasn't ruined you birthday. BEA Of course not, dear. It's actually made it quite memorable. (Addressing Mrs. Seville.) Mrs. Seville, as long as we're all wide awake. Why don't you and I go into the kitchen and make a sandwich? Peanut butter and jelly. That is if Mary and Del keep peanut butter and jelly. These New Yorkers eat out all the time, you know. DEL Of course we do, Bea. You two help yourselves. MRS. SEVILLE I'm not tired a bit. That sounds like a nice idea. (They walk into the kitchen.) KELLY (Looking at everyone.) Wait a minute. Nothing has been answered. I'm supposed to think that everything is the same. Matt and Lawson, you and Del, Mother and Mrs. Seville. I'm still the one in left field. What was all this about if they didn't answer the question? MARY Kelly, just leave everyone alone. Mother is happy. Do you really think it's important to go there? KELLY Oh, you. No one understands. You and Del. Laura, for that matter, will probably marry that guy Armon and be happy. Everyone. Happy. MARY Except you? KELLY It just seems amazing that you found someone so special. Matt and Lawson. So special. And now, after Mother and Father. Mother has found someone. I am married to Roger. We have a wonderful married life. I get to do whatever I like. But there's not a soul mate involved. (Mary walks over to Kelly and puts her arm around her.) MARY Kelly, dear. You have us. AUNT K And me, dear. KELLY Thanks. Where does one find a soul mate? MARY It just evolves, Kelly. You can't just invent one. KELLY Do you think I'll find a true soul mate? AUNT K It would probably be easier for you to become a lesbian. EVERYONE Aunt K! Curtain.