Diary of a Beauty Queen by Lawson H. Caldwell (c) 1998 Please note: The play takes place in a small southern town in 1964. It is imperative that the play has a mid-sixties feel. Before mod, hippies, the woman's movement. The characters are competing in the town beauty pageant. The contestants must have bouffant hair. They must wear one piece swim suits and stylist gowns (tasteful and from the period.). These girls have entered the pageant for various reasons, perhaps dated but significant for the time. During the early sixties in the South, pageants were a major event. Beauty Queens were town celebrities. For basic staging, the stage may be divided off as the Backstage and the Front of the stage. For more detailed staging, the stage may revolve so that half of the stage is the dressing room/backstage area and the other half is the front of the stage facing the audience. The Contestants Alice George- Is straight forward. She has entered the pageant because she wants to be someone. She has convinced her two best friends, Sarah and Gwen, to enter. She really wants to win the title. Sarah Phelps - Is mild. She has entered because Alice encouraged her. She is a good sport. Gwen Anderson - Is always in a good mood. She is very genuine and is very supportive of others. Joyce Watson - Is probably the most beautiful girl in town. She has already won two previous pageants and her two sisters have been previous winners. She is the one everyone is predicting to win. Sally Anne Simmons - Is the youngest contestant. She has not experienced college yet so her maturity is still young. The Other Sarah Phelps - Is very athletic. She is very tall and at times feels awkward about the pageant. Catherine Graham (The reigning Miss Clarksville) - Very beautiful but her personality is very bland. She acts as if holding the title was more of a job than an honor. MR. SOLE - Is only on the stage when noted. The rest of the time his voice is only heard. Act I. Scene 1. (Note: For the opening number, the contestants are dressed in suits, gloves and hats from the sixties. There is a dressing screen for the contestants to change behind in the dressing room.) (The lights come up. Alice and Gwen have arrived at the auditorium early so they can prepare before the other three contestants. Alice and Gwen are sitting at the dressing tables putting on makeup. Sarah walks in with a garment bag that holds her evening gown.) SARAH Sorry. I was delayed at the cleaners. ALICE There you are. I thought we three were going to show up early so that we could be ready before the dressing room was full. SARAH Well, I tried. The cleaners worked on my gown all day. No one will be able to tell that ginger ale was spilt on the front. It's as white as the day I bought it for my debut. GWEN It is lovely, Sarah. You were the prettiest debutante last season. Just think how the audience is just going to awe when they see your lovely gown. The evening gown competition should just be handed over to you right now. ALICE Well, thank you, Best Friend. GWEN Oh, Alice. You are perfectly aware that the three of us do not have favorites and anyway, if I don't win this evening, well, I certainly would want one of you two to win. After all, what are best friends for if they can't root for one another? Besides, you might recall that I am not entering to win but to be emotionally supportive to my two best friends. May I also remind you that you had to talk me into entering? SARAH That's right, Alice. ALICE I remember. I'm just so nervous. (Looking around the dressing room.) Where are the others? You would think that they would want to get a head start the way we did. Especially, the other Sarah. SARAH Isn't it just the way. All during grade school Sarah Phelps and I were always in the same class. Not only does she have my first name but also my last name. It was always so confusing when the teachers would call on us in class. ALICE I would have thought it easy since she is almost six feet tall. GWEN Alice, she is not. ALICE She's five nine. She played as an alternate on the boy's Junior Varsity Basketball team. They wouldn't let her try out for the varsity when she was a senior because she's a girl. She's good though. Too bad high schools don't have girls basketball teams. GWEN They do at that northern schools, I bet. During the dress rehearsal. I thought that Sarah, the other Sarah, with her high heals and all, was at least six foot one. SARAH If that. GWEN But the name. Sarah, how will anyone figure out which one of you wins if they call the name Sarah Phelps over the microphone? SARAH You're nervous too, aren't you, Gwen. Otherwise you would remember from the dress rehearsal that Mr. Sole announces the Contestants number first and then their name. For example, The second runner-up is contestant number three, Sarah Phelps. I just have to remember to concentrate on the number. You two have it easy. You just have to listen for your name. ALICE Well, I think name to listen for is Joyce. She has a lot of pressure but I think she's going to rank well. She's had so much coaching. Both of her older sisters were Miss Clarksville and the oldest was a Maid of Cotton. And, she is the reining Miss Textile. And remember, being Miss Textile practically places you in the top three finalists anyway. SARAH Alice, that's not so. ALICE Catherine was Miss Textile and all she had to do last year was walk onto the stage. SARAH Alice, that is simply not the way it was at all. Catherine sang an aria from some opera and she is a very smart girl. She goes to Wake Forest. ALICE All I'm saying is that it doesn't hurt Joyce that she happens to be the reigning Miss Textile. She's had practice being a beauty queen. GWEN She was beautiful the night she won Miss Textile. Remember how Clay just swept her in his arms at the Textile Ball after the pageant. SARAH So romantic. ALICE It's not enough that she wears one of the biggest honors in this town, but does she also have to have the most handsomest boy in the world as her boyfriend?. GWEN He is wonderful, isn't he. And I am not saying that because he is a star football player and President of his class, both in high school and college. And he maintains a 4.0 average. ALICE I would have been happier if he had won Miss Textile. I would have liked to see him in a swimsuit. GWEN Alice! ALICE One of those that Frankie Avalon or Fabian wears in the movies. Not one of those baggy ones. GWEN Ya'll, really! (Pause.) Well, maybe one of those dark blue ones. (They all laugh.) SARAH But, back to Joyce. Can you imagine the pressure. After all, Miss Textile, both of her sisters are former Miss Clarksville's, and one being Maid of Cotton. GWEN Want to hear a funny story? Once I was talking with my summer camp friends from New York and I mentioned that a friend of mine's sister won a beauty pageant and I said that she won Maid of Cotton and they just sat there. They thought I said m a d e rather than m a id of cotton. (The other two just sit there and look at her. She looks at them and says.) Think about it. It's really funny if you really think about it. They thought is was a fabric company or something. They had no idea that it is quite an honor to win Maid of Cotton. When I explained to them that it was one of the highest honors any girl from the South could win, they just sat there. ALICE Her sister might have been Maid of Cotton, but in the Maid of Cotton Pageant, there is not a talent competition, and the winner does not win a crown. GWEN Why would anyone enter if they couldn't win a crown? ALICE Glad, someone has their priorities straight. (Addressing Sarah.) Did you remember the big rollers? SARAH (Taking the rollers out of her bag.) Right here. These are my favorite rollers. You can really achieve hair height with these. See how the edges are wearing. Honestly, I think that they don't sell them anymore. Just remember, as long as you achieve some volume, we can tease the rest. After all, you're on stage. No one will notice if the back is teased a little more than the front. ALICE Honestly, Sarah, you are so calm. I could never have entered this pageant if you hadn't. SARAH Oh, come on...... it's fun..... the three of us. I don't even consider us competing against each other for the title. I kind of think of it as a challenge. If one of us wins, well, we all win. GWEN Sarah, you're too nice. But I do agree. I don't think I ever would have had the nerve to enter if you two weren't here. I'm so glad we decided to wear our hair up. It makes us look more mature and I think that's what the judges are looking for in the winner. SARAH We are mature. After all, we're going to be sophomores. Sally Anne should have waited another year before she entered. She's so young. If she won, she would still be in high school. It would be awkward being the reigning Miss Clarksville and then running for Homecoming Queen. GWEN Oh she would never win Homecoming Queen after winning Miss Clarksville. ALICE Why? GWEN Because they would have to combine the float in the Christmas parade. SARAH Can you imagine the sign on the float if she did win both? Sally Anne Chambers, Miss Clarksville and..... and then it's only abbreviated because there's not enough space to spell it out on the sign....and then, Clarksville High's Homecoming Queen. ALICE Too much. She is so talented though. She should wait until she graduates. I think she entered because her mother wanted her to and she thinks the earlier the better. If she doesn't win this year, she can enter again. GWEN You mean enter twice? I've never heard of anyone entering twice. ALICE Exactly. Think about the Miss Textile Contest. Even though Miss Textile isn't Miss Clarksville, it's the second closest thing to a real beauty title in this town. That's why so many girls enter it every year. It is the training ground for Miss Clarksville. Well, I think Sally Anne's mother wants to go directly for the gold. SARAH None of us ran for Miss Textile Queen. ALICE That's because we knew Joyce would win. Which she did. And with flying colors. GWEN Well, we were in the Homecoming Court and really didn't need to enter the Miss Textile Queen Contest. Even though it would have been fun wearing the crown and sash......and the cape. The Homecoming Crown and flowers would have been just enough. It's funny, but with the football team evolved, it makes it easier. ALICE Why, because it has to do with sports? If that was the case then Sarah, the other Sarah, should have won. She's so athletic. I'm surprised her talent isn't kicking a football or dribbling a basketball or something. GWEN (Ignoring Alice.) The team voted on the queen. You must admit, that it is easier. There's no talent competition, no swimsuit competition, and no evening gown. You just wear a nice suit and they announce a queen and there you are, wearing the suit, holding a bouquet of roses, and wearing a crown. It doesn't seem to matter how you are elected, you are elected and you are the queen..... whether Homecoming Queen, Miss Textile Queen, or Miss Clarksville, you're one of the town's queens and that allows you to ride in the Christmas parade with the sash and the crown and you're somebody in this town, ALICE It was just another stepping stone for Joyce. GWEN Many thought she won Homecoming Queen because Clay was such a star football player. I, of course, thought she won on her own merits. SARAH That Joyce is something. She is the smartest and one of the prettiest girls in town. She does havethe most handsome boyfriend. GWEN The night of our debut, I stood in awe when Joyce walked out and Clay walked over to her and they walked down the ballroom floor. They looked like they were a bride and groom rather than a debutante and her marshall. ALICE Aren't we here to make sure that we are rooting for each other tonight? I don't think that playing the wonderful fantasy world of Joyce and Clay is going to make my talent routine any better. GWEN Alice, we were just talking. But you are right. (Jokingly) Let's feed each other's egos so that when the other girls arrive, our heads will be so big that they will have to dress in the hallway. (They laugh.) (Voices are heard off stage.) SARAH Shhhhh! Listen. The other's are arriving. (The other contestants begin to enter the back stage area.) (They all say hello at the same time.) JOYCE Hi, ya'll. Ya'll are early.....You're already here? I'm surprised you're here already. SARAH We just thought we would arrive early so we could get out of everyone's way. JOYCE (Sarcastic tone.) How thoughtful. ALICE (Sarcastic tone.) We thought we were trying to be thoughtful. SARAH Now you two. It's hard to win Miss Congeniality with a tone like that. (The other girls begin to open make-up bags and cloths bags. Gwen notices Joyce taking out her gown.) GWEN Joyce, I thought your gown was white? Did you change your mind? JOYCE Ya'll, I did decide to wear another gown. You're gonna be so surprised. The color is called Ice Blue. Can you believe that I am wearing a colored evening gown? It's close to white. Anyway, it's satin. I thought that if I was going to wear the gown that was another color, the fabric is the next consideration. Satin is wonderful, so I thought blue was the next best color. My debutante gown, which I was planning to wear, is white but I thought it would be more fun to wear a light blue.....an Ice Blue one. GWEN Joyce, how wonderful. You're right. You're going to be simply stunning in the blue gown. JOYCE Thank you, Gwen. Ice blue, though, not just blue. THE OTHER SARAH Where did you buy such a lovely gown? It is truly lovely. JOYCE Thank you. My sister wore this gown in the Cotton Bowl Parade. GWEN She certainly took very good care of the gown. It looks brand new. JOYCE My sister also wore this very same gown to her rehearsal dinner. Not a thread has been altered. GWEN I can see that nothing has been changed. How sweet, JOYCE Tradition is so important. The swimsuit I'm wearing tonight was worn by both my sisters when they competed in the Miss Clarksville Pageant. (All of the girls look at one another as if Why should they bother completing.) SALLY ANNE Will both you're sisters be here tonight to see you compete? JOYCE Yes, they will. Earlier this evening they came by the house and let me try on each of their Miss Clarksville crowns for good luck. THE OTHER SARAH You did what? JOYCE I tried on each of their crowns. When my middle sister was competing for Miss Clarksville, my oldest sister asked her, Would you like to see how you will look as Miss Clarksville'? And my sister tried on the crown. It's just a sweet story. So tonight they both came over and brought each of their crowns. GWEN What a sweet gesture. JOYCE Tradition. ALICE Well, Marc... (Gwen and Sarah say at the same time Alice says.) That's Marc with a C. (Alices looks at the two of them.) Marc helped select my gown as well as Sarah's and Gwen's. He seems to have that sense of style. GWEN He's one of most talented boys from high school. He's a theatre major at Chapel Hill. SARAH He's been so helpful. He's sitting on the front row tonight. I'll bet you that if they let men enter a Mr. Clarksville contest, Marc would have entered and won. Too bad men can't enter these pageants. JOYCE Tradition. ALICE Well, Joyce, even if you don't win, you still have Miss Textile to fall back on. SARAH (To Alice.) Be nice. ALICE I am being nice. I apologize if I was rude to you Joyce. JOYCE That's all right. We're all a bit nervous. GWEN As nervous as I am, I would settle for Second Runner-up. EVERYONE Gwen! GWEN You all know what I mean. SALLY ANNE Ya'll, I'm so excited. I just want to say to each of you that I have really enjoyed being in the pageant with you and I also want to wish everyone good luck. THE OTHER SARAH Same here. GWEN I triple that. SARAH I quadruple that. JOYCE I fifth that or whatever it is supposed to be. ALICE (Alice looks at everyone.) Oh, for petes sake, let's get ready. (The lights dim closing Scene 1.) Scene 2. (The stage turns around so that the front of the stage is now facing the audience. The lights come up for the opening number. MR. SOLE, Mr. Sole, is dressed in a tux and is standing on-stage.) MR. SOLE'S VOICE Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the 1964 Miss Clarkville Pageant. Tonight, one of the six loveliest girls in our fair city will become the new Miss Clarksville. So, on with the show. Let's meet our enchanting contestants now. Contestant Number One, Miss Alice George. (Alice walks out on to the stage, smiles at the audience, and then walks over to the place where is supposed to stand. Each contestant does the same thing prior to the opening number.) Our second contestant is Miss Sarah Phelps. Contestant Number Three may look a bit familiar to you. She is the reigning Miss Textile, Miss Joyce Watson. (Large applause. The applause continues for a moment.) Contestant Number Four, Miss Sally Anne Simmons. Contestant Number Five stood on this very stage less than two years ago when she gave the Valedictory Speech for Clarksville High, Miss Gwen Anderson. How about a round of applause for our final contestant for tonight's competition, who is the tallest contestant ever to compete in the Miss Clarkesville Pageant. Contestant Number Six, the other Miss Sarah Phelps. (The music begins and the girls begin singing the opening number. The song is I Enjoy Being a Girl from Flower Drum Song. If the copyright is too much trouble, skip the song.) (When the number is completed, applause is heard. The lights dim. The girls run backstage. The stage revolves so that the backstage is facing the audience.) Scene 3. ALICE (Looking in the mirror.) Y'all, I mouthed the words to the opening number. I just kept staring out there seeing Marc and everyone else I've spoken to in nineteen years. GWEN You're just excited. Marc was applauding so we must have done well. Didn't all of you think the opening number was wonderful. We were wonderful. Just like television. SARAH Gwen, it was fine. But please, this is a local pageant. It's hard to compare us to anything else. THE OTHER SARAH I agree with Gwen. It was wonderful. I am so excited now. I am so happy that I entered this pageant. And all of you are the ones who are making it so much fun. (She hugs Gwen and then runs to put on her swimsuit.) ALICE Gwen, you just draw people, don't you? Now, the other Sarah thinks she is our best friend. GWEN You behave. I think it's wonderful that we're all caught up in the moment. The pageant, I mean. After all, there are six of us competing and, well, we do wish everyone well and good luck with the pageant. It's just naturally the thing to do, right? ALICE (Answers in a flat tone.) Right. SARAH (Addressing Alice.) Be nice. (Alice and Sarah run behind the dressing room screen to change into her swimsuit.) ALICE I hear you. (Joyce walks out already dressed in her swimsuit. She runs to the makeup table, looks in the mirror and freshens up her make-up.) JOYCE (Addressing Sally Anne.) Sally Anne, you don't think this swimsuit appears dated, do you? SALLY ANNE Of course not. It's lovely. JOYCE (Addressing Sarah.) Sarah, do you? SARAH (Looking over the dressing screen.) Not at all. That style of swimsuit never goes out of style. GWEN You're simply lovely. SARAH (Walks from behind the dressing screen. Looks admiringly at Joyce.) I think you are absolutely beautiful. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen. (Everyone pauses and looks at Sarah.) (Mr Sole's voice is heard.) MR. SOLE And now for our swimsuit competition which will count twenty-five percent in this evening's program. SARAH Alice, you're up. (Alice runs from behind the dressing screen.) ALICE My strap broke. The swimsuit won't stay up. GWEN Does anyone have a safety pin? We could put a safety pin right here and I don't think the audience would notice. ALICE Why didn't the strap break during dress rehearsal when it would have been just us. Now the entire town will know my actual measurements. (During this segment Sally Anne and The Other Sarah go behind the dressing screen and change.) SARAH Calm down. Here is a bobbie pin. It's the closest thing to a safety pin. (She snaps the bobbie pin on the strap just as they hear Mr. Sole's voice.) MR. SOLE Contestant Number One, Miss Alice George. ALICE Sarah. I can't walk out there. The bobbie pin didn't hold. SARAH You are going out there and you are going to be terrific. Remember, you can do it. (Sarah pushes Alice onto the stage. Alice hurries onto the stage holding her hand on her shoulder.) GWEN She looks as if she's pledging allegiance to the flag. JOYCE Shhhhh. She might hear you. Poor thing. GWEN Maybe no one will notice. JOYCE Trust me, they'll notice. GWEN At least she looks patriotic. SALLY ANNE Sarah, your up next. (Gwen walks behind the screen and changes into her swimsuit.) (Sarah rushes to the stage just as Mr. Sole says her name.) MR. SOLE Miss Sarah Phelps, Contestant Number Two. (Joyce goes over to the edge of the stage and prepares to walk out onto the stage.) SALLY ANNE (Addressing Gwen and The Other Sarah.) Look at her. She is so cool. As if all of this comes naturally. MR. SOLE Contestant Number Three, Miss Joyce Watson. (Joyce hears her name announced and walks out onto the stage.) SALLY ANNE She's going to win. THE OTHER SARAH I've thought all along that she's got it in the bag. GWEN (Walks from behind the dressing screen.) Listen to you two. Both of you just might become the next Miss Clarksville. Just put your mind to it and you might surprise yourself. MR. SOLE Contestant Number Four, Miss Sally Anne Simmons. (Sally Anne hears her name announced and walks onto the stage.) SALLY ANNE I'm so excited. Here goes. (She walks onto the stage.) THE OTHER SARAH Gwen, you are always the thoughtful one. I voted for you for Miss Congeniality. Even though we are not supposed to say who we voted for, I thought I would go ahead and just tell you. GWEN Other Sarah, you are sweet. We'll keep it as our secret. Just ours. MR. SOLE Contestant Number Five, Miss Gwen Anderson. GWEN (Addressing The Other Sarah.) Just our secret. Very few people have ever seem me in a swimsuit. Not counting my family and pool parties. Now the entire town. (She walks out onto the stage.) THE OTHER SARAH (She looks in the mirror.) Coach always says that the only thing holding a person back is themselves. Maybe I'll be the tallest Miss Clarksville ever. MR. SOLE And Contestant Number Seven, The Other Sarah Phelps. (She hears her name announced. As she is walking to the stage she pauses and looks at Joyce's Ice Blue gown.) Or maybe the tallest contestant. (The lights dim.) Scene 5. (The stage turns around so that the front of the stage is facing the audience. The music is playing as the contestants line up for quarter turns. Alice is still holding her hand on her swimsuit strap. She looks as if she is pledging allegiance to the flag.) MR. SOLE (Music.) Ladies and gentlemen, your six lovely contestants in swimsuits. (Applause is heard.) Now, as part of the judging process, our six lovely contestants will stand and complete quarter turns for the judges. (The music is still playing.) Ladies, please make one quarter turn to the right. (The contestants make a quarter turn to the right. Sally Anne turns to her left and faces Gwen while the others have turned correctly. As they stand there, Gwen begins to giggle.) Ladies, please make another quarter turn to your right. (Sally Anne turns to her right and is facing the audience while the other contestants' backs are to the audience. Gwen begins to giggle harder. Sally Anne also begins to giggle and slowly makes two quarter turns so that her back is now facing the audience.) Ladies, please make another quarter turn to your right. (The contestants make another quarter turn. By this time Gwen and Sally Anne are laughing.) And, one more quarter turn, please. (The contestants are now facing the audience. By now Gwen and Sally Anne are laughing out loud. The other contestants are looking uncomfortable.) Ladies and gentlemen, that concludes tonight's swimsuit competition. Thank you ladies. (The contestants turn to their right and walk off stage.) And now, before we begin tonight's talent competition, our reigning Miss Clarksville will perform the aria that helped her capture the crown. Ladies and gentlemen, the reigning Miss Clarksville, Miss Catherine L. Graham. (Gwen and Sally Anne grab each other just as they are walking off stage and are laughing very loud. The stage turns so that the back stage is facing the audience.) ALICE Gwen, just what was so funny out there? GWEN (Gwen and Sally Anne are still laughing.) I don't exactly know. As I walked out on the runway, dressed in a bathing suit, wearing high heels. (She laughs louder.) I suddenly felt ridiculous. Didn't any of you feel that way? Then (Gwen continued...) when Sally Anne turned and we were standing there, just staring at one another and you pledging allegiance to the flag.....well, just couldn't help it. The whole thing seemed so funny. (She looks at everyone and then bursts out laughing again.) ALICE Well, I'm sure the pageant judges thought it was just as funny as you did. And Sally Anne. JOYCE Don't be hard on her, Alice. SARAH Please don't be so sensitive. You are just upset because your strap broke. ALICE I don't know whether to be upset or thank you for shifting the attention from my strap to your laughter. GWEN (Joking.) A simple thank you will do. SALLY ANNE At first I didn't think anyone would notice that I turned left rather than right. I don't know what I was thinking. Then, when Gwen started laughing, I just couldn't hold back. It was so funny. (Alice walks behind the dressing screen to change for her talent.) ALICE Well, all I can say that you two sure didn't knock the pageant judges out of there seats in the swimsuit competition. SARAH And your loyalty to the flag did? ALICE Oh, well, thank you Sarah. SARAH Relax Alice, you looked fine. THE OTHER SARAH Alice, Catherine is almost through with her number and then you're up for the talent. ALICE I wonder if Catherine knows any other songs besides that aria. She has sung it at every event this year and here she is singing the same song for her farewell talent. Really. JOYCE She should just record the song and play it as she walks down the runway. GWEN Alice, she's through. You're up next. (Alice walks around from the dressing screen and is dressed for her talent.) ALICE Why did I choose Porgy and Bess, anyway? (MR. SOLE's voice is heard introducing Alice.) MR. SOLE Ladies and gentlemen, contestant number one, singing Summertime, Miss Alice ....... (Alice walks out onto the stage as the music gets louder and she begins to sing. The singing and the music lowers as the dialogue continues back stage.) GWEN Sally Anne, I hope you don't think I was laughing at you. I would never. SALLY ANNE Of course not. I thought it was funny, too. SARAH Alice did have a point about the judges, though. GWEN Well, then they must not have a sense of humor. I thought Sally Anne's quarter turns were just fine even if they were in the wrong direction. (She starts laughing again.) SARAH Gwen, that is enough. (Sarah begins putting on her tap shoes.) GWEN Sarah, dear, what does it matter if I laughed. I'm enjoying myself. Remember, I just entered this pageant because you and Alice did. I certainly do not and have never entertained the idea that I would be chosen Miss Clarksville. JOYCE You didn't? GWEN Of course not. It has been fun though. More than I thought it would be. I never would have entered if Alice and Sarah hadn't. JOYCE And you don't want to win? GWEN Not exactly. I mean it would be fun but I certainly would not lose any sleep over not winning. I would be happy if I made the top three finalist. Even if I won Second Runner-up, I would be pleased because I could tell my grandchildren that their grandmother was Second Runner-up to (Gwen continued...) Miss Clarksville. I would show them my trophy. And, if there is not a trophy because I didn't place, well, then I will just tell them the Sally Anne quarter turn story. (She smiles at Sally Anne.) THE OTHER SARAH Joyce, I never really thought I would win either. I just entered so that I might win a scholarship. JOYCE But don't you want to win the crown? THE OTHER SARAH It would only make me look taller. Besides, you girls act like beauty queens. I'm a basketball player. If there was scholarship program for girl basketball players like there is for the boys, then I would try for that. But all of the scholarships go to the boys. GWEN When you think about it, Miss Clarksville is really the only scholarship for girls outside of the academic ones. JOYCE Sarah, why did you enter? (Alice runs offstage having completed her talent.) ALICE How was I? (All of the contestants say....) You were wonderful. ALICE Thank you, all. Sarah, you're next. (Mr.. Sole introduces Sarah.) MR. SOLE Miss Sarh Phelps. The Other Sarah Phelps. (Just as she is walking to the stage she turns to Joyce.) SARAH I entered because Alice and Gwen did..... and because, I guess I've secretly always wanted to be a celebrity and this is as close to one as it gets in this town. (She stands just offstage. The music starts and she smiles and starts tapping on the stage.) SALLY ANNE (Walks from the side of the stage.) Joyce, the Stage Manager just handed me these flowers and a card. They must be from Clay. (Everyone exclaims how beautiful the flowers are.) JOYCE He did say he was going to send me a letter. He is so sweet. SALLY ANNE He must be the greatest guy. Flowers and a note during the pageant. I wish my boyfriend had thought of something like that. He's too busy talking about football. I had to talk him into coming to the pageant tonight. GWEN Joyce, you're up in a few minutes. Why don't you read the card now. For inspiration. ALICE (Aside.) Thank you Gwen. May I remind you that we are competing in the same contest? GWEN You seem to constantly remind my of what I should be doing. I thought that it might help Joyce with her song, to have read a love letter from her boyfriend right before she goes on stage. I happen to think it is romantic. ALICE Sorry, if I seem too competitive, but don't you think the rest of us would like the same support. GWEN Really, Alice. Sometimes you take this pageant just a little bit too far. (Looking toward Joyce.) Come on, Joyce, go ahead and read your love letter. Just think how wonderfully romantic your song will be after you have read a letter from Clay. JOYCE Well, I'm about to go on stage. (Opening the letter.) (Gwen turns to the stage.) GWEN Ya'll. The music stopped. Sarah's music stopped. (They all rush to the side of the dressing room where they can see the stage.) THE OTHER SARAH Look at her. What a trooper. She's tapping without the usic. (A spotlight comes up to the side of the stage. Sarah is facing the audience and she is tapping without any music.) ALICE (Looking the other way.) I can't look. Is she still smiling? SALLY ANNE In a kind of robot way. GWEN Poor dear. She's making up her routine. ALICE Nonsense. She could perform that tap routine in her sleep. GWEN Alice, I really think she is making it up. I've never seen her do that before. THE OTHER SARAH Didn't she just do that? (Alice joins the other contestants and looks onstage.) ALICE Is she humming? She is. She is humming the music. (Sarah begins humming loudly.) SALLY ANNE I think that's the speaker buzzing. GWEN Alice is right. Sarah is humming her routine. THE OTHER SARAH Everyone, out of the way. Here she comes. (Everyone backs up and Sarah comes running off the stage. Meanwhile, Joyce has been reading the note from Clay. Sarah runs to Gwen and they embrace.) SARAH My routine was awful. The music stopped and then I simply orgot my routine. Just like that. GWEN It was hardly noticeable. SARAH (Looking at Gwen.) Hardly? I tried to play the music in my head. ALICE It wasn't in your head, Sarah. You were humming. SARAH Humming? What do you mean by humming? THE OTHER SARAH Like this. (She starts to hum.) SALLY ANNE Joyce, you're up. (Joyce has been reading the letter. She looks at the other contestants and begins to cry. Mr. Sole's voice is heard introducing Joyce.) MR. SOLE And now singing As Long As He Needs Me from Oliver is Contestant Number Three, Miss Joyce Watson (Joyce looks at everyone, drops the letter, and then runs to the stage. The other contestants look at one another.) THE OTHER SARAH Wonder what Clay said? SALLY ANNE It must have been so romantic. Joyce left in tears. (Gwen picks up the card.) ALICE What does it say? GWEN I'm not going to read someone else's letter. ALICE (She grabs the card.) I'll read the card. Dear Joyce, Good luck in the pageant tonight. I hope you like the flowers. I will not be attending the pageant tonight because I don't think we should see each other any more. You are very nice but I have felt very smothered by you lately and think it would be better if we did not see each other any more. I am sending you this card during the pageant in hopes that you will renew your confidence after you win tonight. I hope we can still be friends because you are one of the friendliest girls I have ever dated and I think you would be a fun friend. Yours truly, Clay. (Everyone pauses.) What a complete jerk. Other than the fact that he is the handsomest man in town of Clarksville, he is a complete jerk. SARAH What a louse. GWEN Oh, that Joyce. Everyone listen. How is she doing on stage. (They all pause and hear Joyce singing As Long As He Needs Me with strain and tears.) He could have just waited until tomorrow after she had already won to send her the note. That Clay. He never was one for sensing other's feelings. ALICE Just a little while ago you were going on and on about how wonderful Joyce and Clay were at the Debutante Ball. GWEN Really, Alice. Don't you start. SALLY ANNE Gwen, you thought Joyce was going to win, also? ALICE What are you talking about? SALLY ANNE Well, the rest of us seem to think Joyce is a shoo-in to win Miss Clarksville. ALICE Well, the way this pageant is going tonight, there won't be a winner. They might as well draw a name out of a hat. That Clay. What a jerk. He's lucky to have someone like Joyce, with all her talent, to even give him the time of day. Just you wait. He'll realize that she wasn't smothering him and that it was just his ego. He'll come back to her and say that it was all a misunderstanding. SALLY ANNE And then they'll get back together? SARAH Bite your tongue. She better not. I would think she should do just the opposite. Marry some guy who's more handsome, bigger and with a mind. GWEN (Listening off stage.) Her notes. They are so off key. So high pitched. Every dog in Clarksville is going to run to this auditorium. It's like one of those Whistles. THE OTHER SARAH I know what you mean. Like one of those high pitches that can break glass. GWEN Poor Joyce. Her singing is worse than your humming, Sarah. SARAH Well, I feel much better now. GWEN Oh, Sarah. I certainly did not mean to insinuate that you talent was less than perfect. It was original. SARAH That's because I made it up as I went along. ALICE (In a serious tone.) Gwen, don't make us laugh. GWEN I'm not trying to. SARAH Shhh. She coming back stage. Is the audience applauding? ALICE If they don't applaud for Joyce then they won't applaud for anyone. GWEN I'm going to give her a big hug when she comes back stage. (Joyce runs from onstage. She stands for a moment at the edge of the dressing table.) GWEN Joyce? ALICE You were terrific. I think the talent competition is complete. You certainly won, hands down. (Joyce runs over and hugs Alice.) THE OTHER SARAH (Addressing Joyce.) Would you like to perform my talent number? (The lights dim. Mr. Sole's voice.) MR. SOLE Ladies and gentlemen, we will now take a fifteen minute intermission and when we return, the remainder of the talent competition, the evening gown competition and then the crowning of the new Miss Clarksville. Act II. Scene 1. (Alice, Sarah, and Joyce are already dressed in their evening gowns. Sally Anne is onstage. Gwen and The Other Sarah are preparing for their talent performances. Alice is looking onstage.) ALICE Why do you suppose Sally Anne chose to perform a monologue from Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf? I understand that it is very dramatic but let's talk about depressing. I mean how many beauty queens want to be remembered for such a depressing piece? SARAH Her mother talked her into doing that. Sally Anne said that her mother said people will take her seriously, and not for just being a beauty queen. She wants credibility. ALICE Who? Sally Anne or her mother? GWEN Her mother loves all of this. Remember, she was at every rehearsal? ALICE (Looking off stage.) I can see her in her seat. She's mouthing the words to the monologue. GWEN She rehearsed it with Sally Anne everyday. I'm sure she does know it by heart. ALICE But she's so exact. If I didn't know that Sally Anne was onstage, I would swear that her mother was throwing her voice to the stage like that guy on Ed Sullivan. THE OTHER SARAH I always like the guys who could twirl those plates on sticks on the Ed Sullivan Show. ALICE Her mother is good. She hasn't missed a beat. Maybe the judges will crown her. THE OTHER SARAH Maybe she could do my talent. GWEN Now, Other Sarah, you'll do just fine. (She walks over to Joyce who is looking at herself in the full length mirror.) GWEN Your gown is just lovely. How are you doing? JOYCE Fine, I guess. I suddenly feel very humble. I know this sounds mean, but I really was expecting to win this evening. I thought that it would be a wonderful evening and that Clay and I would dance at the ball afterward just like we did at the Debutante Ball. GWEN Ya'll were lovely. ALICE Gwen, don't start. JOYCE I thought I would, if I won, wear the crown as my head piece in my wedding. I would have Miss Brown over at Miss Brown's Dress Shop attach the veil right at the base of the crown. I was going to wear a hairpiece, a bun, in the crown. (She begins to cry.) It not only gives the illusion of more hair, but of royalty, also. I wanted that crown for so many reasons. ALICE (Looking at Joyce.) Sounds as if you really thought about this. JOYCE I used to dream about winning. GWEN You might still win. ALICE (Looking at Gwen.) You are amazing. GWEN And if you don't, there are other pageants. JOYCE Other than Miss Clarksville? SARAH Certainly. Besides, maybe the title isn't all that is cracked up to be. THE OTHER SARAH Why do you say that? SARAH Well, Catherine doesn't seem that happy. I mean she acts like she's sad to give up the title tonight, but somehow she just doesn't seem that sad. JOYCE I would be sad. ALICE You're sad now Joyce. We're all sad because this evening hasn't gone exactly like we thought it would. But remember, you were Miss Textile. GWEN Homecoming Queen and Miss Textile. You could use either of those crowns for your veil. JOYCE You're sweet. You're all sweet, but it wouldn't be the same. Besides, I don't have to worry about a wedding now anyway. THE OTHER SARAH (Staring at her baton.) Maybe I should have planned on twirling plates on sticks rather than twirling a baton. SARAH You'll be fine. You're lucky that your talent came up after mine. You've got that going for you. THE OTHER SARAH I should have done something I'm familiar with instead of twirling. I just learned how to twirl this summer. JOYCE This summer? THE OTHER SARAH Right after I entered the pageant. I took lessons. I only know seven basic twirling commands. GWEN You were wonderful during the dress rehearsal. THE OTHER SARAH I'm so nervous. I wish I could be as calm as Gwen. (Looking at Gwen.) You never seem nervous. ALICE Other Sarah is right. You aren't nervous, are you? GWEN Not really. ALICE (Walking over to Gwen.) Not even before you are about to go onstage in an auditorium filled with almost everyone in this town, to play a very complicated concerto? GWEN Not a bit. And the more you try to make me nervous, the more you will make everyone else. THE OTHER SARAH Here she comes. You're up Gwen. Good luck. GWEN Thank you. (Sally Anne runs off stage. Just as Gwen is about to go onstage, Alice walks over to her.) ALICE Earlier you reminded Sarah and me why we entered this pageant. I guess it seemed like I had forgotten but I haven't. We're here to root for one another. Good luck. (Gwen hugs Alice.) GWEN Thank you, Alice. (Gwen walks onstage.) SALLY ANNE What did you all think of my performance? ALICE You and your mother were perfect. SALLY ANNE (Laughing.) She does get carried away sometimes. Mother loves this. She said she thought about entering something like this pageant when she was a girl, but she was too shy. The closest she ever came was when she ran for May Queen at Duke but didn't win. ALICE She couldn't have been too shy if she ran Duke's May Queen. SALLY ANNE Oh, that's more academic than anything. Well, isn't she something now? All she has talked about since I started high school was Miss Clarksville. I entered this year so that I could go through my senior year without the pressure. I want to enjoy my senior year. SARAH So that's why you entered so early. But if you don't win, won't you enter again next year? ALICE Better yet, if you do win tonight you're entire senior year will be spent doing Miss Clarksville things rather than high school things. SALLY ANNE I promised my mother I would enter. I only intended to enter once. They never choose a girlwho is still in high school. Anyway, I really don't think I will win after Gwen and I laughed our way off stage during swimsuit. JOYCE Am I the only one who really wanted to win? ALICE I do. I mean I really meant what I said to Gwen just a minute ago. I am rooting for everyone, especially my two dearest friends. But, I'm the one who talked them into entering because I was too nervous to enter myself. I really would like to win. Everyone's always thought of me as such a tough person. Being Miss Clarksville would change all that. (Looking at Joyce.) I want people to think of me the way they do you. JOYCE In what way? ALICE Always pleasant, happy, popular, well rounded. Everyone in high school envied you. The beauty queen with the great boyfriend. SARAH Not so great after all. But, I understand what Alice means. You and your sisters have always come across so polished. ALICE For petes sake, your sister was Maid of Cotton. SARAH It's too bad that everyone can't win tonight. SALLY ANNE Not me. I want my senior year. THE OTHER SARAH (Looking at the stage.) Gwen is just playing away. Not one bit nervous. ALICE Maybe that will make up for the laughing. JOYCE Did anyone watch the Miss America Pageant last year? (Alice, Sally Anne, and Sarah answer.) Of course. THE OTHER SARAH Did anyone twirl a baton? ALICE Someone always does. Oh, sorry, Other Sarah. I didn't mean to say that. THE OTHER SARAH That's ok. JOYCE Well, the winner was Miss Arkansas, Donna Axum. I thought she would win for the simple reason that everyone enjoyed her talent so much. Talent is so important. She started out with this opera piece and then said, Enough of this Opera Jazz and started singing I Love Paris'. She captivated the audience. That's what I wanted to do this evening. You see, she won her audience over. She's beautiful, poised, smart, talented...... and funny. People love funny. Donna Axum is my idol. That's what Gwen has. She's not only sweet but she has an incredible sense of humor. Think about it. She makes everyone so comfortable. ALICE What are you saying? That you think Gwen might win even after she burst out laughing during swimsuit? JOYCE So far, she's way ahead. THE OTHER SARAH And she said she would be happy if she won Second Runner-up. SARAH I voted for her to win Miss Congeniality. THE OTHER SARAH I did too. ALICE (Looking at Sarah.) Well, thanks a lot. SARAH Oh, come on, Alice. You really didn't expect to win Miss Congeniality, did you? ALICE I'd like to win something. Right now, I would settle for Second Runner-up. SARAH Maybe if Gwen does win and you're nice, she'll hand the title to you. ALICE There's no need to be mean. SARAH Listen. None of us have really had a terrific evening. Other Sarah is the only one who really hasn't had a major flaw. THE OTHER SARAH (Looking at the state.) Wait until I walk onstage. Oh, she's bowing. She was wonderful. Listen to that applause. (Applause is heard.) SALLY ANNE Other Sarah, you're on. (Applause is heard. Gwen comes running off stage. The ther Sarah walks onstage.) GWEN I missed a note here and there, could you tell? (All of the contestants answer at the same time.) Not a bit. SARAH Other Sarah was so nervous. (They all walk to the edge of the stage to watch Other Sarah.) JOYCE At least she's smiling. ALICE Everyone duck. (They duck and the baton comes flying from the stage into their dressing room. The lights dim.) Scene 2. (The lights come up and the front of the stage if facing the audience. All of the contestants except for Gwen and The Other Sarah (Allowing time for them to change into their evening gowns.) are standing on stage dressed in their evening gowns. Sally Anne is turning for the judges while the other contestants are standing in a straight line. Mr. Sole introduces Gwen and then The Other Sarah.) MR. SOLE Ladies and gentlemen. Miss Sally Ann Simmons. (Sally Anne walks around on the stage and pauses, then turns and takes her place with the other contestants.) Continuing the evening gown competition. May I present Contestant Number Five, Miss Gwen Anderson. (Gwen walks onto the stage. Walks around.) Gwen is a graduate of Clarksville High where she was President of the Pep Club, Vice-President of the Student Body, and Senior Outstanding. Gwen is a rising sophomore at the University of North Carolina where she is a member of the Kappa Kappa Gamma Sorority. (Gwen turns for the judges.) Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Gwen Anderson. (Applause is heard.) (Gwen walks over and stands with the other contestants.) And Contestant Number Six, The Other Sarah Phelps. (Applause is heard.) Sarah also a graduate of Clarksville High where she played intramural basketball, softball, and tennis. She is currently a rising sophomore at Appalachian Teachers College where she is a member of the intramural basketball, softball, and tennis teams. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Sarah Phelps. (Applause is heard.) (The Other Sarah walks and stands with the other contestants.) In just a few moments we will announce the top three finalist who will go on to vie for the title of Miss Clarksville 1964. Now in order to give our wonderful panel of pageant judges time to complete their ballots, we are pleased to present the reigning Miss Clarksville, who in a few minutes will be giving up her title to her successor. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Clarksville 1963, Miss Catherine L. Graham. (Applause is heard.) (Catherine walks out on stage, dressed in a beautiful gown and wearing her crown. She waves to the audience and walks over to the microphone.) CATHERINE Good evening. Dear friends and fellow Clarkvillians. Thank you for allowing me the honor of wearing this crown (She points to the crown on her head.) during this past year. As I hand over my title this evening, I will treasure each wonderful moment I spent as your queen. It has been most enjoyable representing the city of Clarksville at the state Watermelon Festival, The Grape CATHERINE (Continued) Festival, The Rhododendron Festival, The Apple Festival, The Peach Festival, The Azalea Festival, The Pickle Festival, and serving as Official Hostess for the state Putt-Putt Tournament. Thank you all for making this one of the most memorable years of my youth. I now hand my crown over to one of these lovely young women and with the Miss Clarksville scholarship, I return to my studies at Wake Forest University. Thank you one and all. (Applause is heard.) (She walks and waves to the audience and then stands at the corner of the stage as MR. SOLE introduces the three finalists.) MR. SOLE Ladies and gentlemen, I have the envelop. I am going to introduce the three finalist who will step forward and answer a question from the pageant judges. Girls, are you ready? (The contestants smile and answer.) Sure, yes, sure. MR. SOLE (Applause is heard after each finalist's name is announced.) Our first finalist is Contestant Number One, Miss Alice George. (Alice is very surprised. The other contestants hug her. She walks to the center of the stage. Our second finalist is Contestant Number Four, Miss Sally Anne Simmons. (Sally Anne is also surprised. The other contestants hug her and she walks over to Alice. They hug.) And our third finalist for this years Miss Clarksville is Contestant Number Five, Miss Gwen Anderson. (Gwen is surprised. The other contestants hug her. She walks over and hugs Alice and Sally Anne.) (MR. SOLE addresses the three finalists.) Now ladies, we are now at the moment where we ask each of you a question from our panel of pageant judges. We'll start with Contestant Number One, Miss George. (Alice walks over to Mr. Sole.) Congratulations, Alice. ALICE Thank you. MR. SOLE Have you been enjoying yourself these past few weeks as a contestant in the Miss Clarksville Pageant? ALICE Very much so. MR. SOLE Glad you have. Now Alice, your question this evening is, What qualities do you look for in the ideal boy Take your time. (Alice looks annoyingly at Mr. Sole and walks up to the microphone.) ALICE There are many qualities a girl looks for in a boy or a man. Often times, the same qualities one might look for in a boy are not the same as the qualities looked for in a man. The ideal qualities I would look for in a man are sensitivity, humor, and his respect for my qualities. I also believe that these are the same qualities that a man should look for in a woman. Thank you. (She walks over to the other two finalists.) (Applause is heard.) MR. SOLE Finalist Number two. Miss Sally Anne Simmons. (Sally Anne's Mother shouts Yea! from the back of the audience. The person can either be dressed in character or just a voice shouting from the back of the theatre. Everyone on the stage looks in that direction. Sally Anne walks over to MR. SOLE.) Sally Anne, you are one of the youngest contestants ever to enter the Miss Clarksville Pageant, isn't that correct? SALLY ANNE Yes, I am. MR. SOLE Your question, this evening, is, What qualities do you think people look for in Miss Clarksville? Remember to take you time. SALLY ANNE Lots. (She pauses for a moment.) For example, Miss Clarksville represents our fair city for one whole year. She must truly be a fun human being in order for her year to be fun. Thank you. (Applause is heard.) MR. SOLE Thank you, Sally Anne. And now our third finalist, Miss Gwen Anderson. (Gwen walks over to MR. SOLE.) Gwen, What qualities do you look for in a friend? Please remember to take you time. GWEN Thank you Mr. Sole. There are many qualities I look for in a friend but the one that stands out the most is the word comfortable. If a friend has the quality that makes you comfortable around them it allows you to be yourself in front of them. My two best friends are standing on this stage (Gwen continued...) tonight. I never would have entered this pageant if they had not. Because I can be myself around them has allowed me the ability to enter this pageant and to be true to myself. Thank you. (Applause is heard.) MR. SOLE Thank you Gwen. And now ladies and gentlemen, while our pageant judges are busy adding up the points for the new Miss Clarksville, I have the extreme honor of announcing this years Miss Congeniality award. This award is voted on be the contestants themselves. (Mr. Sole opens the envelope.) With this award goes a fifty dollar scholarship. This years Miss Congeniality award goes to Contestant Number Six, Miss Sarah Phelps. (Applause is heard.) (The Other Sarah is very surprised. All of the other contestants run over and hug her. The Other Sarah walks over to Mr. Sole. Mr. Sole hands her a trophy.) Sarah would you like to say a few words to the audience? (The Other Sarah walks over to the microphone.) THE OTHER SARAH Yes, would anyone like to buy a slightly used baton? I realize that you're not in the audience, Clay, The Louse, but you're going to have to answer to me, you louse. Thank you fellow contestants for this honor. I thought for sure that Gwen had won. Sorry you didn't Gwen. Thank you guys. (The other contestants laugh. The Other Sarah walks over and stands with the other contestants.) (Applause is heard.) MR. SOLE Ladies and gentlemen, I have the envelop with the runners-up and the new Miss Clarksville. I will announce the second runner-up, then the first runner-up, and then the new Miss Clarksville 1964 (A Drum Roll is heard as he announces each award. Applause is heard after each winner is announced.) This years' second runner-up is Miss Sally Anne Simmons. (Everyone applauds. Sally Anne is handed a trophy, walks over and stands beside the thrown. Alice and Gwen are holding hands and looking at each other and smiling. They seem very nervous.) Ladies and gentlemen, it's quite tense up here on the stage. The first runner-up is (Pause.) Miss Gwen Anderson and the new Miss Clarksville for 1964 is Miss Alice George. (Gwen hugs Alice, who is very surprised, and then is handed her trophy and stands on the other side of the thrown. Mr. Sole and Catherine hand Alice her trophy, scepter, crown, roses, sash with the title Miss Clarksville 1964, and a long red velvet robe. She walks to the edge of the stage, waves to the audience, walks to the thrown and sits down. The other contestants run over and hug her. The music becomes softer and Mr. Sole begins speaking. This segment is also the curtain call. He begins by announcing Alice, because she is Contestant Number One. Each contestant walks over and stands in their position on the stage when he announces their name and what they are doing today.) Ladies and gentlemen, Contestant Number One, Miss Alice George. Alice is a former First Lady of North Carolina currently resides with the former Governor in their mountain home near Asheville, North Carolina. Contestant Number Two, Miss Sarah Phelps. Sarah is a former Rockette and now oversees her twenty-three dancing schools with her lover and partner, Kate. Contestant Number Three, Miss Joyce Watson. Joyce is happily married to her sixth husband and is the CEO of one of the largest Entertainment Firms in the country. Contestant Number Four, Miss Sally Anne Simmons. Sally Anne is happily married and living in Southern California where she owns an Art Gallery is the author of several children's books. Contestant Number Five, Miss Gwen Anderson. Gwen is a leading talk show host in New York City. Gwen and her husband, Glen, are the proud parents of seven children and seven grandchildren. Contestant Number Six, The Other Sarah Phelps. After becoming the tallest Miss Clarksville three years later, The Other Sarah is presently one of the leading women's college basketball coaches in the country. Ladies and gentlemen, our six lovely contestants. (Curtain.)