"He Ain't Done Right, By George" A Melodrama in Four Acts by Tom Davis Copyright c 1987, 1988 by Tom Davis Author's Statement (for inclusion in the program if appropriate): The names of some of the characters in this play are taken from history. Maurice Van Bever, Dick Tyler, and Alphonse Citro, for example, actually were involved in white slavery -- coercing or tricking young women into lives of prostitution -- around the turn of the century. Edward McCann and Edwin Sims are also historic characters, active in the fight against this crime. They fought a wider fight, too: to overcome the attitude of their society that the victims of forced prostitution were just as guilty as its perpetrators. Their National Vigilance Association was active in both struggles. The play pokes gentle fun at all its characters -- heroes and villains alike. Nonetheless, Capt. McCann, Mr. Sims, and their friends in those days deserve our sincerest respect. It is sometimes hard today to understand how it was, that young women really were lured into "the life" and kept there, by force if necessary. Laugh with us tonight, by all means; but also keep in mind beneath the fun that this kind of situation is not totally fiction. Cast of Characters (In Order of Appearance) George Armbruster A man of about 25; he is the "hero" of the play. He is, however, thin and almost prettily feminine, and by no means cast in the heroic mold. Mrs. Armbruster A woman of about 70, George's mother; she is feeble in body, but still very sharp of mind. Daisy Lovelace A beautiful young woman of about 20; the heroine -- and not just as the hero's foil. She is smart and independent, and completely in charge of herself. Maurice Van Bever A man of about 40; a white slaver (in historical fact). He is a completely vile and despicable character -- the "villain". Dick Tyler A man of about 35; he is also a historical white slaver. Although by no means good, he is still not the complete villain that Van Bever is. Alphonse Citro A dark foreigner of about 45; he runs an ice cream shop that is used as a lure for the white slavers. He, also a character from history, is just in it for the money. Capt. Edward McCann A noble, but not altogether bright, police officer of about 40. He is another of our historical characters, an active opponent of white slavery. Maggie S. A pretty, but naive, girl of about 18, lost in the city. She is one of the thousands (really) who got lured into prostitution unawares. Dora Douglas A woman who has been a white slave for several years. Although only 35, she looks 50 because of the nature of her life. Edwin W. Sims A noble, virtuous, and rather pompous man of about 50. He was in history a founder of the National Vigilance Association, one of the societies to aid girls caught in white slavery. Judge Potter An old and rich, but somewhat vulgar man of about 55. He is a criminal court judge, and gay (but in the closet). Officer Duffy A policeman of about 25; there is nothing special about him. Settings The living room of the Armbruster home. A 1900s living room, modestly furnished, but in good taste. A framed "Home Sweet Home" stitchery piece is hung on the wall. The overall effect should be of sweetness and light, more feminine than masculine in its details. There are two doors, one on each side wall, opening to the outside and to the kitchen. There is a window by the door to the outside. The furniture includes at least a sofa, an overstuffed chair, a wooden rocking chair, and a coffee table. Alphonse Citro's ice cream parlor. This is from the same era, with at least three small tables with (if possible) wire chairs around them. There is a soda fountain bar at the back, with a mirror and implements for making ice cream delights on the wall behind it. A door to the outside is on one wall, with a window next to it (it can be painted onto the set) with "Alphonse Citro's Ice Cream Parlor" lettered onto it -- seen in reverse from the stage, of course. The door on the other wall leads to the ice cream parlor's back room. The office of Maurice Van Bever's house of ill repute. It is thoroughly functional, as though it were the headquarters of a far less flamboyant business. It has two doors (the same two openings as the other scenes), one to the other rooms in the house, and one (indirectly) to outside. There is a fairly substantial desk with a chair, and a couple of visitors' chairs in front of the desk; there is also a sofa to one side (consider, after all, where we are). The office of the National Vigilance Association. There is a smallish desk with its chair, and also several metal folding chairs scattered about. This is a place where money is spent on getting a job done, not on appearances. There could be posters on some of the walls about the white slavery problem. There is a door to one side leading to the street, and a door on the other leading into an inner room where women are given temporary shelter. ACT I -- Scene 1 -- (The curtain rises on the Armbruster living room on a summer afternoon. George Armbruster is sitting in a overstuffed chair, talking to his mother, who is in a wooden rocker. Sunlight streams through the window.) George: Oh, mother! How happy and contented are my days spent here with you. Were I to be given nothing else in the world, my heart would still be glad for the wealth of love in this home. Mrs. Armbruster: And I, my son, have been contented and at peace here with you. Since your father ... departed this earth, you have been my only joy. George: Ah, how happy it makes me to hear you say that! Those words of praise, coming from your lips, mean more to me than the wealth of the Rockefellers. Mrs. Armbruster: Have you, then, no desire to attain even a modest degree of that wealth for yourself -- and for your moth... ah, family? George: What need have I for the riches of the world, when this home and she who dwells within it are the complete fulfillment of my every desire? Mrs. Armbruster: No, son, the world is yours. A more devoted child no mother could have, but you need to be out, striving to take your rightful place in it. George: My place is here, at your side, mother. Mrs. Armbruster: But with your wit, your talent, your drive, the world would fall at your feet. The accountant's profession is an honorable one, to be sure, but your destiny lies far higher. George: Mother, I ply my trade for but one reason: to gain the necessary (hawk; spit) money to see to our support. If it were but possible, I would never leave this home, nor your side. Mrs. Armbruster: (Somewhat disappointed:) George, don't you ever get even the least bit horny? George: (Does a double-take at Mrs. A; aside:) Whatever does she mean? (To Mrs. A:) Whatever do you mean? Mrs. Armbruster: Surely, George, you cannot believe me so naive as not to have noticed your attentions toward a certain, ah, member of my sex? George: Mother! If you mean Miss Lovelace ... ?! Mrs. Armbruster: I do. George: Then I must tell you that I do feel affection toward her; she is an undeniable example of what is purest and most noble in womanhood. But to even intimate that my feelings for her should transcend the bounds of honor and decency is .... (Jack Benny style:) Well! Mrs. Armbruster: (To audience:) Damn fool, my son. (To George:) George, I spoke of nothing but the holy desire of spirit for kindred spirit, of the chaste and pure need of persons, during their sojourn on this earth, for one another. I shall not remain much longer in this vale of tears, and .... George: (Down onto his knees before her:) Oh, say not so, mother! Mrs. Armbruster: The Lord will call me in His own good time, whatever we mortals say or do. It is for us but to accept His will, in this as in all things. George: Such wisdom lies in that old gray head! Mrs. Armbruster: (Under her breath:) Thanks a bunch. George: What, Mother? Mrs. Armbruster: I said, ah, the time approaches for our lunch. And I hope that you remember that we have a guest coming to dine with us today. George: Why, the very lady of whom we were speaking! Mrs. Armbruster: Indeed -- and here she is now. (She turns her head to the door. Then a knock is heard.) George: (Rising:) I'll answer it. (To audience, on the way to the door:) How did she do that? (Opens door.) Ah, my dear Miss Lovelace; how do you do? Daisy: (Entering:) Someday you will have to come over and discover for yourself how I ... do. (Big wink at Mrs. A.) George: (Not noticing any innuendo:) My mother and I would be delighted to accept your invitation; (Mrs. A. shrugs at Daisy) when would you propose? Daisy: When will you propose? George: (Still not noticing:) How about a week from Wednesday? Daisy: (To no one in particular:) Ah, if it were only so! George: (Aside:) She acts ... peculiarly today. Daisy: (Aside:) Such purity. Such nobility. Such a dunce. Mrs. Armbruster: (Rising:) Pray pardon me, children; I must go to see to the preparation of our lunch. George: Allow me to assist you, mother. Mrs. Armbruster: George, our guest -- a gentleman does not allow a lady to sit alone in his living room. George: You are right, mother. (Mrs A. exits to the kitchen.) Will you not take a seat, Miss Lovelace? Daisy: Thank you, George. (She sits on the sofa; George then sits in the overstuffed chair.) George, I need to talk to you. George: My attention is entirely yours. Daisy: (A bit irritated:) Privately. George: Pri...? Oh! Yes, indeed. (He goes to the sofa and sits at the opposite end from her.) Daisy: Oh, much more privately than that! (She scoots down to right beside him.) George, I love you. George: And I ... I feel deeply for you, too. Daisy: Then why do we not marry? I want to spend the rest of my life as (Aside:) Dare I say it? (To George:) your wife. George: (Standing suddenly:) But, dearest Daisy! You know that my obligation to my dear widowed mother must be discharged. She depends on me for her very bread. And you know that my income is not sufficient to support three, let alone (shudder) more. Daisy: (Who has heard all this before:) George, I am not incompetent. I can use a typewriting machine with some skill, and our two incomes together could support three until the three ... become two. George: Oh, agony! Am I at every turn today to be confronted with my mother's ... departure? Must everyone I meet insist on forcing my awareness onto so odious a subject? Daisy: Forgive me, George; I knew not that this would upset you so. I merely meant that there need not be ... more ... until they can be adequately provided for. George: Daisy! Are you suggesting ... (Aside:) Oh, horror of horrors! (To Daisy:) ... birth control? Daisy: Oh, George! (To audience:) Actually, continence is more up George's line. George: Daisy, this topic is offensive. It is not to be discussed, except between husband and wife, and then only .... Daisy: (Brightly:) Then we are to become husband and wife? George: No! I mean ... yes! I mean ... I don't know what I mean! Daisy: George, you must make a decision: I must have -- today -- your formal promise to marry me, or .... George: Or ...? Daisy: Or I shall be forced to accept one of the numerous other proposals I have received. George: You mean ...? Daisy: Exactly. Engagement or disengagement. George: Then (falls to one knee; very grandly:) will you do me the honor of granting me your hand in marriage, (quickly:) at some later date? Daisy: (Just as formally:) I will. (Pulling him up:) Oh, George, when? George: Oh, my dear Miss .... Oh, Daisy, I have not told even my dear mother, but I have before me the prospect of considerable wealth. You see, .... Daisy: Money! Oh, George .... George: (His hand over her mouth:) Hush, woman! My dear mother is not to know. (Daisy nods; he lets go.) Daisy: But how -- when? George: That is not for you to know; I am pledged to utmost secrecy in this matter. I can tell you, though, that I am to attend a meeting, this very night, to advance my fortunes. Daisy: Come on, George! (Pulls him to the sofa:) Now that we're going to be rich -- ah, married, we can begin to taste the fruits of each other's company ... more fully. (She starts to unbutton his shirt.) George: (Rising quickly; yells toward the kitchen:) Mother! Surely by now you must need my help with lunch! (He exits to the kitchen. Daisy sits there, hand to forehead, shaking her head.) -- Scene 2 -- (This scene takes place in Alphonse Citro's ice cream parlor, on the evening of the same day as Scene 1. Citro is behind the bar, looking busy, but really listening to the conversation between Maurice Van Bever and Dick Tyler, who are sitting at a table.) Van Bever: Are you sure you have it right this time, Tyler? Tyler: Of course I do. Van Bever: You said that -- exactly -- last time, and she slipped through your fingers like quicksilver. Tyler: But I mean it this time! Van Bever: Nonetheless: we shall rehearse it yet again. (Pause.) Assume I am a young, innocent girl (Citro laughs, and Van Bever glares at him.) stopping in for a cooling refreshment after a long day at work. Approach me. Tyler: (Gets up and goes to bar, gets into character, and returns; smooth and oily:) I have throughout my life maintained that to force young and beautiful ladies to actually (shudder) work for their bread is among the most heinous of sins. My dear young lady, you look absolutely exhausted after your day in labor! Such beauty lies in that (to audience, mild disgust:) face, (to Van Bever:) only to be daily dimmed by the ravages of toil. Citro: (To audience:) Oh, gross! Tyler: (Un-interrupted:) Beauty such as (to audience, as before:) that (back to Van Bever:) should be cared for -- loved -- not forced to spend itself uselessly in drudgery. Surely you have a family to provide for your (glances up and down) physical self? Van Bever: (Affected, little-girl voice:) Oh no, sir; I am all alone, helpless, and friendless in this cold, cruel world. If only .... Tyler: (Out of oily character:) Oh, come on, Maurice; it won't be that easy. Van Bever: (Himself:) You're right; try this: (The girl again:) Sir, I do not know you. I shall have to ask you not to address me again. Tyler: (Back into oily character:) Ah! And such maidenly virtue and modesty! Beauty of the soul to accompany such (another look up and down) beauty of the flesh. Van Bever: Sir! I cannot countenance such improper references in my presence. Tyler: (Falling to one knee:) Oh, you are right. Pray forgive me! In my oafish way, an intended complement emerged transformed into an insult. I am not one of those fine-bred dandies who can seduce with words; I say but what I feel -- honestly, and from the heart. Van Bever: Well, if no offense was intended .... Tyler: None, dearest lady; none! Van Bever: (Girl's voice, but not inflections:) Then what the hell; (stands) kiss me, you mad, impetuous boy! Tyler: (Stands, embraces Van Bever before he realizes what he is doing; out of oily character:) Now wait just a damn minute! (Van Bever and Citro both start laughing at him.) You .... (Sees George out the window; breaks off urgently.) Quiet! Here he comes! Van Bever: Who? Tyler: That pansy I told you about; George ... Arm- buster, or something. Van Bever: (To Citro, pointing at bar:) Get over there! (Van Bever and Tyler again sit at their table, and start talking "business".) ... so the prospect looks excellent (George opens the door.) for a profit of over a thousand dollars ... (glances at George) per partner. Tyler: (Overacts seeing George; rises, goes to greet him.) Mr. Van Bever, this is the very man! (Checks his watch.) And punctual as always. Van Bever: Excellent! A man who is punctual is a man who is dependable. (Rises.) How do you do, sir? George: Quite well, thank you, sir. (They shake hands, after which George holds his hand in pain, and Van Bever shakes his as if to rid it of something unpleasant.) Van Bever: Mr. Tyler, I believe that Mr., ah .... George: Armbruster. Van Bever: Yes, Armbruster -- is everything you pictured him to be. (Aside:) And more! (Back to Tyler:) I can tell already that he will be the perfect person for the (rubs his hands together) business for which you have suggested him. George: Oh, thank you! Van Bever: He is, in fact, unbelievably well suited for it. (To George:) All that remains, Mr. ... ah, George, is to sign this contract. (Pulls it from his coat.) George: Must not a sum of money be deposited? Van Bever: None! I trust you: an honest and upright man, of such obvious moral character. Of course not! George: (Aside:) Would the Better Business Bureau approve of this? (To Van Bever:) Sir, may I read the contract? Van Bever: (Faked shock:) Read the ... Sir! Do you not trust me? George: Of course I do. It's just that my dear mother told me never .... Van Bever: Must a man, such as yourself, always give heed to the dictates laid down by his mother to guide his childhood? Tyler: Excuse me, Mr. Van Bever. George, the paper itself is not the contract upon which we are entering. If you will look at it, you will see it to contain nothing but legal phraseology, devoid of meaning to all but the cleverest solicitor -- uh, lawyer. (Takes contract.) For example, "The party of the first part hereby and forthwith totally and completely waives and abjures any and all claims and/or redresses pursuant to any violations ...." There! Can you understand that? George: No. Tyler: Nor can I. We hire lawyers to construct it and lawyers to read it; we must trust that the real contract -- that between you and I, which we have already discussed -- is reflected in that paper. George: You and me. Tyler: What? George: It should be, "between you and me." (Pause.) Yes; you are right. I shall sign it. Van Bever: (Putting it on the table:) There. (George signs it.) And the same place on each copy. (George signs the others; Van Bever sits, signs all copies, and puts all the copies back into his coat.) George: Do I not get a copy? Van Bever: Ah ... after I take it out to be notarized! George: Just so! Tyler: My dear George, this calls for a toast -- and not of ice cream. Shall we go? George: Certainly. Good-bye, Mr. Van Bever, and thank you. Van Bever: (Wickedly:) Thank you. Tyler: (To George, as he starts out the front door:) Just a minute, George. (Goes to to Van Bever; softly:) I'll slip him a Mickey, and he'll be at the house inside an hour. (Goes to George; they exit, chatting pleasantly.) Van Bever: (Rising; exultantly:) I did it! Judge -- ah, one of my patrons -- has been after me to get something like that for months now. Oh, the money that rosy pink ... boy is going to bring me! (To audience:) Aren't I absolutely vile? (All business; to Citro:) But enough of that. One cannot progress while resting on one's assets; to business. You heard us discussing this Maggie wench before? Citro: Now, you know .... Van Bever: Oh, drop it! Your ears are as big as Alfred E. Newman's when it comes to other people's business. (Glances around.) Dick is bringing her here tomorrow; she expects to meet a big theatrical producer. Citro: Which will be -- you? Van Bever: Precisely! Although my productions are on a smaller scale than she expects ... Citro: One on one, as it were. Van Bever: ... and the theater somewhat more ... intimate, (Citro laughs) you could call me a theatrical producer. Citro: You could call me a virgin, too! (laughs) Van Bever: My dear Alphonse! Never would I stoop to such an insult! (joins the laughter) -- Scene 3 -- (Mrs. Armbruster's living room again. Mrs. A. is in her rocking chair, and Capt. McCann is in the overstuffed chair, making notes on a pocket-sized pad of paper. It is the morning after Scene 2.) McCann: And you say you last saw him after supper? Mrs. Armbruster: Yes; he had been struggling, as if to contain a great secret, throughout the evening. (Temporarily loses control; Yiddish accent:) His own mother he can't tell! (Regains control:) I just don't know! McCann: Did he mention his destination when he left? Mrs. Armbruster: No, he told me nothing. It was my assumption that he was out to call on Miss Lovelace. McCann: Miss Daisy Lovelace? Mrs. Armbruster: Yes -- she had visited us yesterday, and upon her departure, told me that ... oh! McCann: What troubles you? Mrs. Armbruster: Her speech was to be kept in strictest confidence; I must not repeat to you what was said. McCann: But if you son's very life might be threatened? Mrs. Armbruster: Well ... I suppose .... Oh why does not the Church help us with these hideous ethical quandaries? McCann: (Aside:) Oh, why does not the old bat get on with it? Mrs. Armbruster: Rest yourself, Captain McCann; I am resolved. The situational ethic is the ethic of choice in this situation; it states that .... (McCann moans.) Mrs. Armbruster: You moaned, sir? McCann: Yes -- uh, no! I ... I .... What did Dai... uh, Miss Lovelace say? Mrs. Armbruster: Ah; a man who cuts right through the mustard, eh? I like that! McCann: (Boiling:) Mrs. Armbruster .... Mrs. Armbruster: (To audience:) Isn't this fun? (To McCann:) She said that George had proposed -- marriage -- to her. McCann: Is that all? Mrs. Armbruster: Is that all?! Consider a minute, sir. You know George. (Carefully:) George. Asked Daisy. To marry him? McCann: (Struck by inspiration; stands.) Ah! I see. Mrs. Armbruster: Indeed. McCann: So it was your conception that George was out to pay ... court to Miss Lovelace? Mrs. Armbruster: Son, I haven't had a conception in years. McCann: (Embarrassed:) But ... you thought that? Mrs. Armbruster: Yes, I thought that. McCann: (Stares at his notes:) Hmmmm. Mrs. Armbruster: You know, I may not get any conceptions any more, but I still give more than a thought every now and then. (Rises; crosses to McCann; feels his biceps.) What time do you (glances down) get up in the morning? McCann: (Backs away in utter confusion.) I ... I .... (Loud knocking on the door to outside.) (Simultaneously:) McCann: Who is it? Mrs. Armbruster: Oh, damn! Daisy: (As she enters:) It's Daisy, Mrs. Arm.... Oh! I see you are not alone. Should I discreetly withdraw, to return later? Mrs. Armbruster: (Looks sadly at McCann:) No; I guess not, dear. Come on in. Daisy: (In a dither:) Mrs. Armbruster! (Recognizes McCann:) And Captain McCann! The very two people I most need to see! McCann: (Aside:) It usually works that way in this kind of play. Mrs. Armbruster: (Returning to her rocker:) Yes, Daisy, dear? What is it? Daisy: I have just finished a conversation with someone who has seen George! McCann: When? Daisy: Just now! McCann: Then where is he? Daisy: No, no! I talked to her just now. She saw George last night. After supper. McCann: That is when he left here! Mrs. Armbruster: (To audience:) Sherlock Holmes, no less. Daisy: He told me yesterday that -- oh! McCann: What troubles you? Daisy: His speech was to be kept in strictest confidence; I must not repeat to you what was said. (Mrs. A. giggles; Capt. McCann groans.) What is it? McCann: Never mind! What did he say? Daisy: Well, that ... that he had a plan to ... advance his personal fortunes -- dramatically. Mrs. Armbruster: Why, that little son of a ... (Stops; makes an expression of "Oops! That's me.") McCann: (Not hearing Mrs. A.:) How? Daisy: He did not say at the time. McCann: Then what ... Daisy: But: I think I can deduce what happened, in light of what I learned just moments ago. McCann: (To audience:) Is there nobody in this play who can tell me even one thing straight out? (To Daisy; overly polite:) Miss Lovelace: can you please tell us what happened? Daisy: Be seated, sir, and I will tell all. (Both sit.) George was seen with (Aside:) Oh, shudder! (to McCann:) Maurice Van Bever and Dick Tyler. McCann: Oh, no! Daisy: Oh, yes! Mrs. Armbruster: Oh, what! is going on here? Who are Maurice the Beaver and Tyler the Dick? McCann: No, no, Mrs. Armbruster; Maurice Van Bever and Dick Tyler. Two of the most infamous ... (Aside:) Oh, dare I say it? (To Daisy:) Help? Daisy: Infamous ... con persons at large! Mrs. Armbruster: You mean crooks? McCann: Yes, Mrs. Armbruster; crooks. Mrs. Armbruster: But what would my son -- my son -- be doing in a den of crooks? Daisy: It's my theory that George -- whom we all know not to be among the most sophisticated of persons -- was deceived by those two pi ... ah, gentlemen into ... (To McCann:) Help? McCann: Into error! Mrs. Armbruster: (Very shrewd:) Now, wait a minute. You two know something I don't! What is it? Daisy: (Aside:) Her heart! McCann: (Aside:) How can I? Mrs. Armbruster: Oh, come off it! What in the (noise backstage) is going on?! Daisy: (Gently:) You'd better sit down, Mrs. Armbruster. Mrs. Armbruster: I am sitting down! Why don't you two sit down before you fall off the stage? (They sit.) Now: what is it that I do not know? McCann: (Looks at Daisy, and she at him.) Well, Van Bever and Tyler are crooks. And they are con ... persons. But they are (Aside:) Oh, perish the thought! (To Mrs. A.:) more! They are ... they are .... Daisy: They are ... seducers of innocent purity; traffickers in that most hideous of vices; in a word, they are .... Mrs. Armbruster: Pimps! Oh, is that all? Then maybe George was celebrating his engagement by getting just one last .... Daisy: Mrs. Armbruster! You are talking about the man I a committed to marry! And you are talking about ... George. Mrs. Armbruster: Oh. That's right. So why would he visit Van Bever and Tyler? McCann: (Jumping from his seat:) Oh, horrors! Mrs. Armbruster: Will you stop doing that? Daisy: (To McCann:) What is it? McCann: I received a report this morning, the import of which I only now perceive! Mrs. Armbruster: (To audience:) Sometimes I wish this play were in English. McCann: Tyler and Van Bever were seen, late last night, dragging a man -- a drunken friend, they said -- into their house of .... Mrs. Armbruster: And you think that might have been George? Whatever would persons such as those want with my son -- or with anyone of the male ... persuasion? Daisy: Indeed, Captain; what? McCann: I hardly know how to say this. (Pause.) There are, in this world of sin, persons -- men, and women I hear -- so foul, so perverted, so low, so base, so ... (Daisy clears her throat.) Ahm; yes So ... sinful as to actually desire, for companionship and for .. for ... their mate -- persons of the same sex! Daisy: (Shrugs her shoulders.) So? Mrs. Armbruster: (Beginning to be horrified:) And you -- you think .... McCann: I think that George has been sold into white slavery to satisfy the debased cravings of these ... creatures! Mrs. Armbruster: My son! My son! (Clutches her chest; surprised:) My heart! (Astonished:) My God! (Dies.) Daisy: (Runs to her:) Mrs. Armbruster! Mrs. Armbruster! (Takes her hand, holds it a second, then drops it in disgust.) Yeccht! Dead. McCann: Indeed; it was as I had feared. The strain of the somber news was too much for her ancient heart. Daisy: (Aside; bitter:) What he means is that the absolute delicacy of his phrasing overwhelmed her. McCann: I shall rescue George! I vow it, upon my own dear departed mother's grave. (Exits by outside door.) Daisy: You wouldn't want to (McCann slams the door on his way out.) help me (softer) with this, would you? No; leave the dirty work to the women, while you go out to chase fame, fortune, romance -- and a couple of pimps. (Curtain.) ACT II -- Scene 1 -- (This scene takes place in Citro's ice cream parlor, the evening of the same day as the previous scene. Citro is behind the counter, pretending to be busy. Van Bever is the only customer; he sits at a table with an ice cream float.) (McCann enters, full of righteous indignation, and goes straight to Citro, without seeing Van Bever.) McCann: Mr. Citro. (He pronounces it "Kite-ro" on purpose.) Citro: (Correcting him:) That's "Citro", officer. McCann: Citro, Shi... oops! Whatever you are, I know you to be a friend and confidant of one Maurice Van Bever. I must ascertain from you his whereabouts. (Van Bever looks at audience, signalling "blind". He then quietly gets up and crosses to just behind McCann.) Citro: You are wrong there, sir; he does not confide in me. Van Bever: (Behind McCann:) And I have no friends. McCann: (Jumps, turning:) Yipes! Van Bever: In my line of work, one cannot afford them. (Pause.) Friends, that is. I find everything else easily within the reach of my income. (Looks McCann over.) Even an occasional policeman or two. McCann: (To audience:) I cannot be bought! (To Van Bever, who is pulling out a roll of bills:) I cannot be (sees money; pause) bought! Van Bever: Rented, perhaps? McCann: Sir! Are you trying to bribe an officer of the law? Van Bever: Now, Captain McCann; did I say that? Mr. Citro: did I even hint that I ever intended to let the good Captain so much as touch any of this money? Let alone give him any? (Back to McCann:) Sir; you wrong me grievously. McCann: All right, all right; let it drop. Van Bever: I do not know if I can, sir. An unfounded accusation of wrongdoing from one of Long Branch's finest? (Aside:) Got him! (To McCann:) Or -- would you like to apologize? McCann: (Ready to blow a cork:) I ... retract my remark. (Van Bever nods his assent.) But concerning the business on which I seek you, sir: where is George Armbruster? Van Bever: (Same tone:) Who is George Arm-buster? McCann: Armbruster. A young man seen, by reliable witnesses I might add, in your foul company last night. Van Bever: (All innocence:) I do not own a henhouse. Citro: (Aside:) Now a cat house .... McCann: (Takes a minute to get it.) Foul -- fowl -- (suddenly loud:) loathsome! company. Van Bever: Sir; again you do me injustice. I am cut, sir, to the quick. McCann: Never mind your quick! Where is George Armbruster? Van Bever: Oh -- that young ... person. He is contractually indentured to me, as an apprentice in one of my ... business establishments. McCann: Your slave, you mean! Van Bever: (Rises; goes to Citro.) Mr. Citro: Do you know of any law which might require me to sit there and take that kind of abuse, even from an officer of the local constabulary? Citro: Why, no, sir. Van Bever: I thought not. (Aside:) I love doing this. (To McCann:) Captain McCann: Unless I can extract from you your word that this abuse of me will terminate immediately, I shall be forced to quit your presence. McCann: (Aside:) He is right; I shall cease to lower myself to his level. (To Van Bever:) Sir, you have it. Van Bever: Thank you. And, since you are to be civil to me, I shall respond in kind. Here (pulls paper from his coat) is a copy of the contract signed by Mr. Armbruster, for your perusal. You may even take it with you if you wish. McCann: (Reads contract; occasionally erupts with phrases from it:) "bonded indefinite indenture! ... abjures any and all remedies! ... no recourse to law! ... at the total discretion of the" -- Van Bever! This is no contract; it is an abomination! Van Bever: But a legally binding abomination, nonetheless. McCann: You admit it! Van Bever: Why should I not? It is a legal contract, freely entered upon, witnessed by Mr. Citro here and by one Dick Tyler, and suitably notarized. That the contract might be ... unfavorable to one of the parties concerned is the business of no one but those parties. McCann: But .... Van Bever: (Interrupting:) And, since the admittedly unfortunate Mr. Armbruster is Mr. Armbruster, and not some wench -- ah, lady -- he is assumed by the law to know what he is doing. If he had been a female, (Aside:) who everybody knows don't have half the sense to make head or tail of (holds up the contract) this, (To McCann:) you would probably have me. McCann: By George, he's right! (To audience, frustrated:) Again. (To Van Bever:) True, sir; those lesser creatures, dainty of body, mind and soul, fall under the noble law's protection in this matter. But .... Van Bever: But: George is a man (Citro chuckles) -- in the eyes of the law. Citro: (Aside:) I know of one "law" whose eyes see George otherwise -- Judge ... Van Bever: Citro! (Citro returns to his dishes.) McCann: Mr. Van Bever, I feel it only fair to warn you that I shall, tomorrow morning, petition Judge Potter (Citro silently does a belly-laugh, and gestures toward McCann, nodding "yes") for a writ of ... of -- something or other. I intend to save George from your clutches! (He rises, starts out; he stops at Van Bever's voice.) Van Bever: I look forward with keen anticipation to that. (Aside:) Especially after tonight! To Judge Potter! Hah, hah! Citro: Do come again, sir. (McCann exits. Once he is out, Van Bever and Citro meet center, laughing.) Shall I tell them about the Judge, or will you? Van Bever: Oh, they're clever enough to have figured it out. (To audience, with a vile laugh:) Aren't you? (Glances out ice cream parlor window.) Quick! Here come Dick and that wench. To your counter! (Citro goes to behind the counter, and Van Bever sits to finish the last of his soda as Tyler and Maggie enter. Tyler closes the door and begins to guide Maggie toward Van Bever, then Van Bever rises.) Van Bever: My dear Miss ... ah -- Miss .... Tyler: She prefers that we not know her family name for the present; we are to call her Maggie. Van Bever: Sir! Such familiarity would never do. I insist that it must be Miss Maggie at the least. Tyler: (To Maggie:) Ever the true gentleman. (To audience: leer.) Van Bever: Won't you be -- ah, at ease, Miss Maggie? What could Mr. Citro prepare for you? Maggie: (All sweetness:) A strawberry ice-cream soda, if you please, sir. Van Bever: Mr. Tyler? Tyler: That sounds (Aside:) disgusting! (To Van Bever:) delightful! I'll have the same, thank you, Mr. Van Bever. Van Bever: Mr. Citro! Two -- no, three -- strawberry ice cream sodas, please! (Citro busies himself making the sodas.) Maggie: Mr. Van Bever: Mr. Tyler has told me much of your proposal; I would like now to hear it from your own lips. Van Bever: Miss Maggie, I trust Mr. Tyler implicitly. I am confident that I need only summarize. Maggie: Very well. Van Bever: In short, my proposition is this: I am in the process of accumulating a cast for an inspirational dramatic presentation. I need several young ladies to act the -- ah, lesser parts, and at the same time gain experience by understudying the larger parts. Maggie: Sir, you have allayed my fears considerably. I was told if I were offered a leading role in such a production, I should take flight from you at once. Tyler: A wise counsellor you have, Miss Maggie. Van Bever: Indeed; I have heard of many a young girl lured into ruin by just that ploy. (Aside:) Used it myself, till they caught on. Maggie: Your offer seems legitimate .... Van Bever: Your voice holds some reservation; could I know what it is, so that I could lay that bod-- fear to rest? Maggie: No, sir, I think not. At this point, I need to consult my counsellor, Mr. Sims, about your endeavor, and .... Tyler: (Gets up so suddenly he knocks his chair over backward, stopping Maggie's speech.) Excuse me; I often feel the clumsiest man alive. I only wanted to inquire into our sodas. (Very rattled:) Pardon me again. (Goes to bar; the Tyler - Citro conversation there is not heard by Maggie.) Maggie: (To Van Bever:) Mr. Tyler is a nice man, but he would bankrupt a china business instantly! Tyler: (Under Van Bever's laughing at Maggie's joke:) Did you hear that? If she gets to Sims, our goose is cooked! Van Bever: (To Maggie:) That's very funny; may I repeat it to Mr. Tyler? Citro: Whose goose is cooked? Maggie: Oh, please, no! Tyler: Oh, come off it, Citro -- you're in this as deep as the rest of us. Quick -- put something in her soda and give them to me. Van Bever: (To Maggie, to distract her:) Ah, my dear Miss -- (Pause; she doesn't answer.) Miss Maggie, your face and voice will be a welcome addition to my show. (To audience: leer.) (By this time, Citro has dropped a powder into one soda, and Tyler has started to the table.) Van Bever: Ah! Mr. Tyler will serve us himself. Tyler: (To audience:) Yeah -- boiled alive, if I don't make this snatch. (Puts sodas down at the two places and takes his.) Maggie: Thank you very much, Mr. Tyler. (As Tyler takes the tray back:) I was afraid he'd drench me! Tyler: (Returning:) I heard that, and you are right: so was I! (All laugh together.) Van Bever: Drink up, both of you. Let's celebrate. (All three drink.) Citro: (To audience, as they drink:) Well; that's one more girl gone down the primrose path. And ten more dollars for me -- more than I clear all day here. And you ask if it's worth it! Maggie: Gentlemen, I must leave. (Rises.) I have ... (suddenly woozy) have to get .... (She tries to support herself on the table, but faints back into the chair.) Citro: Get her out of here, before someone sees her! Van Bever: Don't worry; I saw them rolling up the sidewalks just after that blue-suited booby left. Tyler: (Dragging Maggie out the back way:) Good thing we have our own, to unroll for our patrons later! (Exits.) Van Bever: (To Citro, paying him $10:) There. Oh -- I heard your conversation with Mr. Tyler. He's right; you are in this just as deeply as we are. Remember that. (Citro glares at him.) -- Scene 2 -- (McCann and Daisy are in the Armbruster living room, he on the sofa, she in the overstuffed chair. All is as before, except for black bunting here and there. It is the evening of the same day as Scene 1.) Daisy: (Angrily:) You mean this Van Bever person actually has a ... a contract? McCann: (Pulling out his copy:) Well, yes. Mr. Van Bever gave me this copy last night. As you can see, it does possess George's signature. Daisy: (Taking it:) Hmmm. Yes; that does seem to be George's handwriting -- such as it is. McCann: (Trying to take it back:) Ah, if you will allow me to interpret it for you ... Daisy: (Hanging on:) I can read, thank you. McCann: (Under his breath:) Uppity woman. Daisy: But this is not a contract; it is an abomination! George is indeed sold into slavery -- white slavery, as we had feared. But the seller was ... himself! How could any person at all responsible for his actions possibly do such a thing? McCann: George is -- ah, easily deceived, as I am sure you know. He retains a certain childlike trust in those with whom he has dealings. He is also, as again I am sure you know, more than usually innocent of the world's cruelties. (Aside:) And you can believe that to say that so delicately was one of the linguistic feats of the age. Daisy: Oh, stop pulling your punches and say it! George knows nothing about this sort of thing. (To audience:) Which, I suppose, is obvious. (To McCann:) Surely he was entrapped. McCann: Enveigled! (During this, Van Bever enters downstage, unseen by Daisy or McCann. All his speeches in this scene are from the downstage corner, either as asides or directly to the audience, whichever makes more sense.) Van Bever: Enfeebled! Of mind, that is. Daisy: He surely cannot be held responsible. It should be obvious that anyone who would position his patronymic to this piece of preposterous persiflage is incompetent to conduct his own affairs! Van Bever: Not bad. McCann: Madam! We are discussing your fiancee. Daisy: (Abysmal:) I know. Van Bever: Fiancee? Not after last night, he's not. (Laughs.) McCann: Anyway, that is the exact argument I took before Judge Potter this morning. (Stops.) Uh, not that George was ... incompetent, exactly, but ... that ... Daisy: Oh, go on! We both know George well enough not to spend all day beating around the shrubbery. McCann: Well, when I started talking, I'd almost have sworn that the judge knew George. Van Bever: Oh, he did -- several times. McCann: (Continuing:) He said that George was free, white, male, and over twenty-one, and that therefore there was nothing he could do. Van Bever: In court, that is. Daisy: And just what does George's being male have to do with it? McCann: (Under his breath:) Oops! (Aloud:) Uhhh -- as Mr. Van Bever himself said just last night, if George had been a female, then such a contract might be voided, on the grounds that its unfavorable provisions could not be understood by ... one of the fair sex. Daisy: (A warning:) Ohhh? McCann: Indeed. A true lady is not only unwilling by choice to sully herself with such sordid affairs, but also unable by nature to comprehend their complexities. Daisy: Mister, if you just said what I think you said, you have your head so far up your ... McCann: My dear lady! May I hasten to say that I do not preclude the rare appearance of a lady such as yourself -- beautiful and refined, yes, but also highly intelligent and wise beyond her ... sex. Daisy: (Aside:) I may puke! (To McCann:) So we women are incapable of taking care of ourselves, huh? Is that the way it is? We need you strong men to lean on and to take care of us. McCann: But I never .... Daisy: Oh? You never what? McCann: Never intended to insult you. May I offer my sincerest apologies? (Aside:) But for what, I don't know! I must placate the silly woman so we can get on about the matter of George. Daisy: All right; your apology is accepted. (Aside:) I must placate the silly man so we can get on about the matter of George. Van Bever: (Making a "loony" sign at the two of them:) The "matter" of George is settled -- for all time. (Pause.) Laid to rest, as it were. Daisy: But is there nothing we can do? McCann: Nothing. Within the law, that is. Daisy: Within the law? You mean that outside it, we .... McCann: Madam! You forget that I am an officer of that law. I could not for a moment suggest that you -- let alone we .... Daisy: But I must save George! (Van Bever stifles a fit of giggles.) McCann: Miss Daisy, listen carefully: I said that I cannot take such action. (Conspiratorially:) And, although I could not suggest that you do so, either -- if I were to withdraw, then .... Daisy: (Pause.) Oh. I see. In that case, good-bye! McCann: (Admiringly:) Very good, madam. And remember that, if you should need assistance of any sort, feel free to call me at the National Vigilance Association offices. Daisy: (Anxious to get rid of him:) Yes, yes; of course. Now, good-bye. McCann: Farewell, my dear and brave young lady. (Exits.) Daisy: Lord, I'm glad he's gone! (Pause; anger begins to show.) Now: how do I go about rescuing George and getting my hands on that illegitimate son of the unblessed union of a mongrel turkey and a scrofulous toad, Maurice Van Bever? Van Bever: (Both amused and insulted:) Well, I never! Daisy: I know! Van Bever doesn't know me -- I'll infiltrate that den of infamy he calls a "friendly house". Once inside it, I can spy out its weaknesses and devise a way to rescue George. (A thought:) Though why I bother, I don't know; George isn't exactly a girl's dream of Prince Charming. Van Bever: Now, a boy's ... Daisy: (Resolute:) Never mind. I have decided to do it, and do it I shall. For that reason alone, if necessary. I shall convince that ... man that women are just as resourceful as the best of his gender. Now, how do I get into Van Bever's house without his knowing it? Van Bever: (Just now getting it:) Gadzooks! What did she say? That she was going to infiltrate my house? And she thinks I don't know. (Rubbing his hands with delight:) Oh, we'll have to put together a truly delightful welcome for her. All without my knowing it, of course. Daisy: I shall have to pretend to be one of those unfortunate young women who fall prey to his foul machinations. I shall become -- no, appear to become a fallen woman! (Aside:) Can you imagine Wonder Woman doing this? Sometimes I marvel at my own nobility. (Exits.) Van Bever: She is mine -- all mine. This is going to be such fun! And you are welcome to join me -- ah, us. Hah, hah, hah, hah! -- Scene 3 -- (Citro is alone in his ice cream parlor, facing upstage, tidying up and humming to himself. Daisy, in a disguise, enters and comes to the bar.) Daisy: Sir? Citro: (Turning:) Yes, ma'am? Daisy: An ice cream soda, please. Citro: What flavor, ma'am? Daisy: Oh ... cherry. Citro: (Smiling:) Yes, ma'am! Daisy: (Coming downstage toward a table, but walking around as she talks:) So this is the place. It doesn't look like a place where young women are led to their ruin -- and that man certainly seems to be nice enough. (Pause.) But of course, that's it: no woman with any sense would be taken in by foul surroundings or a lustful demeanor. Citro: (Lustful demeanor:) Whipped cream on your ... cherries, ma'am? Daisy: Yes, please. (Back to herself:) I really wish I knew what to expect; perhaps instead of taking that correspondence course from Dr. Westheimer, I should have made more of an effort to keep up with what is going on in the world around me. (Sits; a slight pause while Citro finishes the soda.) Citro: (Coming to her table with the soda:) Here you are, ma'am; that'll be five cents. (Aside:) Don't you wish. Tyler: (Entering by the front door:) Good morning, Citro! I thought I'd drop in and let you know about last ... (Citro waves him quiet, pointing to Daisy behind her back) ... night's -- ah, party. The ice cream was a tremendous success. Citro: Why, thank you, sir. Will you be having anything this morning? Tyler: (Looking at Daisy's soda -- and at Daisy:) I would love to have something this morning. That young lady ... ah, what she is having ... looks divine; make me one, too. (To Daisy:) Since you have enticed me to sin already this morning (Daisy does a double-take) -- against my diet, that is -- may I at least enjoy the pleasure of your company while I finish the ruin of my waistline? Daisy: (Aside:) Could this be a come-on? Tyler: (Aside:) Could this be a prospect? Daisy: (Continuing the aside as if Tyler had not spoken:) This could well be one of the foul villains that kidnapped George; I must pretend to fall under his spell. Tyler: (Continuing his aside as if Daisy had not spoken:) This could well be one of the juiciest plums to fall under my spell in months! Daisy: (To Tyler:) Well ... I suppose so. (To Citro:) Sir! Sir? Citro: Yes, ma'am? Daisy: You seem to be acquainted with this gentleman; could I trouble you to properly introduce us? (To Tyler:) I never converse with a strange man without a proper introduction. (Tyler makes a quizzical glance at the audience.) Citro: Miss .... Daisy: (Cutting him off:) Lovinggood -- Nellie Lovinggood. Citro: Oh? Oh, well: Miss Lovinggood, may I present Mr. Dick Tyler. Mr. Tyler, may I present Miss Nellie Lovinggood. Tyler: (Rising; taking her hand and kissing it:) I am honored, Miss Lovinggood. Daisy: Charmed, I'm sure. Citro: (Aside:) If she's Nellie Lovinggood, I'm Betty Boop. That's Daisy Lovelace, the ... lady friend of that twit we canned last night. I've seen her with him. Tyler: And now, Mr. Citro, could I have that soda, please? Citro: (Going to bar and getting to work:) Yes, sir. Tyler: (Sitting.) Miss Lovinggood, I do not usually do this, but the situation demands it. I cannot restrain myself from telling you how absolutely beautiful you are. I shall count myself among the most fortunate of men for the rest of the day for merely having beheld you this morning. Daisy: Why, sir; you flatter me. Tyler: I do no such thing! Flattery is vain, foolish, and most often untrue; what I said to you is sincere, honest, and from the heart. I was smitten the minute I walked into the door with your freshness, your beauty, your charm, your .... Daisy: Oh, sir; don't. I am becoming (Aside:) nauseous (To Tyler:) embarrassed. Tyler: (Over-exaggerated gesture of shame:) Oh, no! I have done it again! Daisy: What, sir? Tyler: I have allowed my native honesty to overcome my etiquette. Daisy: Sir? Tyler: I am an impulsive man; what I feel, I say. There are times when that is, of course, proper. However, it has cost me three jobs and the ... friendship of several ladies. Daisy: (Aside:) Hmmm; he's kind of cute. Not very good -- I don't see how anyone could fall for that (loud noise offstage); but definitely cute. This might not be so bad, after all. (To Tyler:) Oh, it can't be as bad as all that. Tyler: Well, it is. And I couldn't blame you if you were to walk out that door and retain no more than an unpleasant memory of me. (Puts head in hands.) Daisy: Oh, no, sir; never! (Citro starts toward their table with the soda.) And your soda is ready. If ever there were anything to cheer a body up, it's a soda! (Citro places the soda onto the table.) Tyler: (Aside:) It's working! I'll cheer that body up when I get it to Van Bever's house this evening. (To Daisy:) Oh, Miss Lovinggood, you are gracious beyond my meager deserts. Daisy: (Glancing at the sodas:) Des...? Oh! Sir; you made a funny! (Citro walks back to the bar, shaking his head.) But I must leave now; I have an appointment. Tyler: But, will I ever see you again? (Fakes realization that he has done it again; then a pose of shame.) Daisy: Oh, don't feel discouraged, sir. You are but what you are. Yes; I shall be in town again tomorrow, and I was planning to visit this very parlor. If you were to be here at about this time then, you would be very likely to see me. Tyler: This is more than I deserve! But thank you. I shall be here. Daisy: (Aside, on the way out:) Now; if he is expecting me tomorrow, then perhaps they won't be looking for me at their vile establishment this afternoon. I shall go and make my plans to enter that accursed den as soon as I can. (Exits.) Tyler: Another conquest! (Aside:) And you thought I couldn't do it. (To himself:) But she's different, somehow. There's something ... about her. If I didn't know myself better, I almost could swear that I meant what I said to her just now. (Pause.) Naahhh. Van Bever: (Entering from front door:) Who was that delightful creature I just saw leaving this fat- palace? Tyler: Just my latest conquest, that's all. Van Bever: Why, Dick! Congratulations; that's got to be the finest piece of .... Citro: (Coming up to them; interrupting:) ... of boneheaded stupidity I ever saw in my life! Tyler & Van Bever: (Turning to him; together:) What? Citro: Do you know who that was? Van Bever: No. Tyler: Nellie Lovinggood; you yourself said so. Citro: No: she said so. I just repeated her words. I wanted to see how far into the ... molasses you would get yourself before you got out. I can see I'm going to have to pull you out. (Pause; big dramatic announcement:) She is Daisy Lovelace. Tyler: (It falls flat:) Who? Citro: Daisy Lovelace, you dunderheaded dunce! That ... George person's ... lady friend -- if you can believe that. Tyler: George's .... (To Van Bever:) I swear to you, I didn't know! I arranged to meet her again here tomorrow, but I thought she was .... Van Bever: Oh, shut up! (Aside:) I didn't recognize her either, with her back to me, but I mustn't let him know that! (To Tyler:) Do you really think I haven't planned for this? (Broad grin:) I know exactly what she's up to -- as opposed to some people I could name. Tyler: But I .... Van Bever: Never mind; we all make mistakes. Just be sure you don't let it happen again. Tyler: Don't worry, I won't. But what do we do now? Van Bever: That's the beauty of my planning -- we do absolutely nothing. She's coming to the house this very afternoon -- she thinks to ensnare us! All we need do is sit there and wait for her. She will fall into my snare with ease! Tyler: Let's get back to the house and get ready for her! Van Bever: And do I have plans for her. (Aside; absolutely overjoyed with himself:) Interested? Come back after intermission and find out -- if you can stand to wait that long! Hah, hah, hah! Curtain. INTERMISSION. ACT III -- Scene 1 -- (This scene takes place in Van Bever's office in his "friendly house", on the afternoon of the same day as the previous scene. There are two doors to the rest of the house, one on either side of the set. One leads to further into the house, and the other opens to an anteroom at the house's entrance. Van Bever and Tyler are in the office; Van Bever is sitting behind his desk. Tyler is reclining in a straight chair, not really paying attention to Van Bever.) Van Bever: (Turning in his chair to face the audience:) Ah, I love this life! All the money I want, all the booze I want, all the women I want -- heaven couldn't be better! Man in the Audience: You'll never find out! Van Bever: (To the man:) Ohhh? Jealous? (To Tyler:) You see? (Indicates audience with a nod of his head:) They know this is the life, even if they don't want to admit it. Ah, the power I hold, right in the palm of this hand.... Are you listening to me? Tyler: Huh? No -- ah, yes! Uh ... Van Bever: Oh, what's gotten into you this afternoon? You haven't heard a word I've said, and (ominously) that could be dangerous. Tyler: Oh, I don't know; I've just been thinking about that g... (There is a knock at the outer door.) Van Bever: Who is it? (Muffled reply.) I said, who is it? (The door opens, and Maggie is shoved into the room by Julius, the unseen bouncer. She falls to the floor.) Van Bever: (Standing over her; all unction:) My dear, how nice to see you here. Heh, heh, heh! I'm always so pleased when beautiful young ladies like yourself decide to visit my ... establishment. Maggie: But, sir! I didn't decide -- I was (not sure) ... I was .... Van Bever: Drugged? Yes, my dear, you were. And here you are! Welcome to my house of ... joy. Maggie: What? I am in a house of ... of .... Tyler: The best little whorehouse in New Jersey. Maggie: (Horrified:) Oh, no! Tyler: (Same -- but mock -- horror:) Oh, yes! Maggie: (To audience; deadpan:) Oh, damn. Van Bever: Oh, come off it, the both of you. Now, Miss ... Maggie, is it? (No answer.) Tyler: (Suddenly standing; rather vicious:) Answer the man! Van Bever: (A "Mutt and Jeff" act:) Now, Mr. Tyler, let's not be hasty; after all, her trip here was not of her own free will. We have to give her a few minutes to acclimatize herself to her new (leer) position. Tyler: (Not quite so vicious:) Let me do it; I'll make sure she learns exactly what's to be expected of her. Van Bever: The very man. Take her out and get her used to her new life. You can have her all day if you need -- and all night if you want. (To Maggie:) My dear, I'd do what the man says if I were you. Maggie: (Stands; aside:) I shall never give in! My virtue shall remain uncompromised. (To Van Bever:) Try though you might, you will never besmirch my character! Van Bever: Little lady, it's not your character that's going to be smirched. (To Tyler:) Take her away. Tyler: (Takes her by one arm:) Thanks, Maurice; I owe you one. (Leads her out the inner door.) Van Bever: (To audience:) He owes me more than that -- but that's the way I like it: the more people owe me, the more power I have over them! I love it, do you hear, love it! (There is a knock at the outer door.) Van Bever: Who is it? (Muffled reply.) I said, who is it? (The door opens, and George is shoved into the room by Julius, still unseen. He falls to the floor.) Van Bever: (Standing over him; all unction:) My dear George, how nice to see you here again. George: Van Bever, this time you've gone too far! Do you know what that ... man ... tried to do to me last night? Why, my very conscience shudders (actually, it's his body that does) at the thought. Van Bever: Ohhh? Tell me about it. George: (Standing:) I cannot! I will not! I ... Van Bever: George! We had this very conversation yesterday. (Aside:) Word for word, actually. (To George:) And I thought you understood your ... position then. George: When you told me that ... (Aside:) Oh, what shall I call it without offending the ladies in the audience? (To Van Bever:) ... that stuff! about what you expected me to do, why ... why, I couldn't believe that you could actually mean it! Van Bever: Do you believe it now? George: (Defeated:) I suppose I must. (To audience, heroic pose:) But I shall never give in! My virtue shall remain uncompromised. (To Van Bever:) Try though you might, you will never besmirch my character! Van Bever: (To audience:) Do you remember hearing these lines a few minutes ago? (To George:) I don't care what you think. That "man" is a very important -- and very rich -- customer who wants you, and he's going to have you, whether you like it or not! (Grabs George by the arm.) Come with me; you need a little more training! (Pulls him out the inner door.) (A pause. Then the outer door opens, and Daisy enters as silently as possible. She is wearing a wig, but no other disguise.) Daisy: (To audience; stage whisper:) Shhhhhh! They mustn't know I'm here. (She sneaks over to the desk, and begins looking in its drawers.) If they knew I were coming here today, why -- heaven knows what would happen to me. (Looks some more.) And, even if they do find me here, they couldn't possibly know (indicates the wig) it is I, Daisy Lovelace, who has -- no, have -- come. (Finding nothing, she goes to a file cabinet, pulls out one of the drawers, and starts looking through it.) Aha! A file on George Armbruster! What can it contain? (She begins perusing the file. As she does so, Tyler quietly enters the room through the inner door.) Tyler: I thought I heard .... (He sees her; to audience:) Shhh! Don't let her know I'm here! Daisy: (To audience:) Did you hear something? (She pauses, but ignores any responses.) No, I suppose not. Tyler: Maggie can wait; this morsel is too choice to pass up. Daisy: (To audience:) I could almost swear I heard something. Tyler: (Almost up to her back:) This is going to be good. Daisy: (Looking at file again; then, a large startle:) Merciful heavens! Tyler: (Quite startled; one hand to his heart, and one over his mouth to stay quiet:) Auugghhh! Daisy: (To audience:) This says that George ... Tyler: (Pulling the wig from Daisy's head:) ... is enjoying his stay here immensely! How do you do, Miss ... Lovelace, I believe it is? So pleased to have you join us at last. Daisy: I am undone! Tyler: (Aside:) No -- but wait a couple of hours. (To Daisy:) Completely undone. You are going to be one of our residents now, and I'll need to show you some of the ropes. I shall, in fact, have everything about you undone within the hour, or my name isn't Dick Tyler! Daisy: Whatever can you mean, sir? Tyler: (Mocking:) "Whatever can you mean, sir?" Oh, I'm going to take great pleasure showing you exactly what I mean. (Begins advancing toward her, as she takes the "poor pitiful heroine" pose:) Come to papa, my little dove! (She screams as the lights go out.) -- Scene 2 -- (McCann and Sims are in the offices of the National Vigilance Association. Sims is sitting behind the desk, and McCann is seated on the sofa. It is the evening of that same afternoon, as we come in on the middle of their conversation.) Sims: Oh, sir, I completely agree with you! This evil must be stamped out wherever it is found. McCann: And at this moment, it is found in Maurice Van Bever's house of infamy! Sims: But, Captain McCann, are there not other such dens of iniquity to be found lurking in our fair city? McCann: Of course, Mr. Sims. (He stands and walks up to the desk.) They sprout like ... like ... (To audience:) Anybody have a good simile I can use? (If one is given to him, he says, "Thank you," and uses it; otherwise he shrugs and continues with:) ... like maggots on a corpse! Sims: Then why, sir, are you so unalterably fixed on destroying this one particular establishment? McCann: Because, sir, of two reasons. First, these fiends are not just trampling on the purity of our noble Northern womanhood; they have also of late taken to the putrid practice of pursuing the pitiful purpose of pandering to the .... Sims: Ahem! McCann: Oh, yes! Excuse me; they have also started recruiting -- abducting is more the word, actually -- men for their nefarious purposes. Sims: (Stands; aghast:) You don't actually mean to tell me that ... that ... McCann: (Interrupting:) Yes, I do, and I ... Sims: (Interrupting back:) ... that females have begun to drink from that cup of shame -- that women have actually begun to abuse their God-given procreative facilities in the same way that men do? McCann: No, thank God; with that we do not have to contend. Praise be to heaven, we are not yet come to that unholy state when members of the fairer sex discover that they, too, can feel the long.... No, I cannot say it; it would destroy the very fabric of society as we know it. Sims: Then what, sir? McCann: I said, sir, that men are being entrapped into that loathsome pit as bondsmen; I said also that it is not women who are the partakers of these vile services. Can you not put two and two together? Sims: (Gets it; sits abruptly back onto his chair.) Oh. (Long pause.) It is too horrible to be considered; let us speak no more of it. McCann: No! if we do not consider it -- and do something about it -- are we any better than the so-called righteous people of today, who throw the unfortunate female victims of such debauchery out with their vile debauchers? Sims: Yes. (Gets up again.) Yes, of course, you are right. Talk -- and act -- we must. But, sir, earlier you said that you had two reasons? McCann: Yes, sir, I do. Because of the first -- a specific instance of the first, to be candid -- a poor old woman is dead, as a direct result of the actions of none other than Maurice Van Bever! Sims: Egad! McCann: The cad. When the poor old mother discovered, through an unfortunate piece of phrasing by a young lady who was present, the depths of degradation into which her son had been pulled, she quite expired. Sims: And Maurice Van Bever the cause of it! Now, sir, I see why you are so anxious to see this perverter of pulchritudinous purity behind bars. But let me tell you why I am also desirous of seeing this fiend incarcerated. I have, in the inner office, been interviewing a Miss Dora -- she prefers, for reasons all to quickly apparent, to conceal her family name. McCann: And this Dora -- she is ...? Sims: She is a survivor -- one of the all too few, I can assure you of that -- of the lair of the very fiend of whom we were speaking! McCann: What an astounding coincidence! Sims: It's quite normal in plays of this sort, I'm told. In any case, allow me to present her to you. (Opens the inner office door and calls:) Dora! Dora: (Entering though that door:) Yes, sir? Sims: This is Captain McCann, a police officer and my associate in the National Vigilance Association. (Seats her on the sofa.) Please be so kind as to tell him the story you told me about your life in Mr. Van Bever's "house". Dora: Well, sir, as I was tellin' you, I was just mindin' my own business, seein' the sights in the big city an' all. I stopped in this Ice Cream Parlor -- fer a soda -- and this real handsome dude comes up to me and starts talkin'. Sims: (To McCann:) Two mistakes already -- alone in the city, and allowing a stranger to begin a conversation with her. Dora: I'm a good girl. Or, at least, I was, until that no-account, double-dealin' (spits out the word:) man got his hooks inta me. McCann: (Goes to her; puts his arm around her to comfort her.) There, there, Miss Dora; you are safe now - - safe in my arms (Dora looks at him suspiciously; Sims looks shocked. He lets go.) ... ah, the arms of the National Vigilance Association. Dora: Oh. All right; I guess. Sims: Pray, continue. Dora: Well; as I was sayin', this sweet-talkin' man starts tellin' me about these bright city lights, an' these free-spendin' city gents, an' these night clubs where you can see these fabulous floor shows an' you get these really expensive gifts, and .... (To audience:) You see what I mean? It's enough to turn any girl's head -- let alone the other parts of her! (To Sims:) Oh, if it'd only been true! Sims: And what was the truth? Dora: (Breaks down completely:) Oh, sir! The men came, all right, an' they spent lots o' money, all right, but not on me. No, sir, not on me! I never saw a dime of it. They charged me rent -- on an eight by ten room with nothin' in it but a bed an' one o' them wood closet things fer my clothes. An' they charged me for them, too! Why, after all the charges an' fees an' dee-ductions, there wasn't enough left to shake a pole at. (To audience:) Don't say it! (To Sims:) Why, I couldn't a' made any money, if I'd a spent all day and half the night ... (Sims and McCann both quickly cover her mouth to prevent that last word from getting out.) McCann: Ahem! Yes. (Trying to hide the fact that he is getting into this:) Ah, thank you, Miss ... ah, Dora, was it? You have been most helpful. Could you, ah, retire to the inner chamber for a few moments? I have something to discuss with Mr. Sims. Sims: Yes, please do, Dora. (She stands.) I shall join you in a few moments. (She takes a step back from him; he reacts, flustered:) No -- I didn't mean "join" as in ... "join", but rather "join" as in ... uh, "join"! You know, don't you, McCann? (Dora leaves quickly.) McCann: (Watching her go:) Indeed, I do, sir; indeed, I do. Sims: But I have one more piece of news for you, sir. I do not know its significance, but I was asked by one of your associates to deliver it to you as soon as I could. McCann: Well? Sims: It is, in brief, sir, that a Miss Daisy Lovelace - - I presume that name has meaning to your ears -- has also been lured into the very pit of which we speak. McCann: Oh, horrors! (To audience:) And I as much as suggested it! If anything happens to that pure, innocent girl, I do not know how I can go on living with myself! Sims: Then you do know her. McCann: All too well! She is the fiancee of the very man about whom we were conversing earlier. (Sims gives him a quizzical look.) You know: the one who was impressed into ... into unnatural servitude. Sims: Aha! Another of those astounding coincidences. (Aside:) They're as thick as cow-flops around here. (To McCann:) But never mind. We can take care of whoever wrote this later; now we have work to do! McCann: Work? Sims: Yes; we must rescue Miss Lovelace and ... and ... McCann: George. George Armbruster. Sims: Yes; Daisy and George. Come! We must rescue them! (They exit by the outer door.) Dora: (From offstage:) But what about me?! -- Scene 3 -- Daisy and Tyler are in the offices of Van Bever's establishment. Tyler is on the sofa in his undershorts, socks, T-shirt, and garters; he is totally exhausted. Daisy is standing at center, cheerfully pulling her bloomers up under her skirt. Daisy: (Humming:) Dum-de-dum-da-dee, dum-de-dum-da-dum. (To Tyler:) Tired, Mr. Tyler? Tyler: (Just groans.) Uhhhh. Daisy: Ohh, what a shame! (Goes to him; tickling him under the chin.) Now, what was it you were saying earlier about ... teaching me a lesson? (Tyler moves just a bit.) Anyway, the lesson was much appreciated. (To audience:) This is all sham, you know; what I am really trying to do is to show him that life with one woman has its rewards. Tyler: (A bit more life:) Hmph! (Daisy glares at him.) Daisy: (Still to audience:) Actually, he's fairly good; it's just a pity that he has to be one of the villains in this little piece. I mean, don't you think there's some good in him somewhere? If I can just get him to ... (Tyler sits up, as if he is going for her, and she breaks off.) (To Tyler:) You know, if you can still get up after that, I just might decide to keep you, after all. Tyler: (Up to sitting:) You decide to keep me! (Tries to stand.) You don't seem to realize where you are, or who's in control here, you uppity wench. Daisy: Oooh. (Pushes him back onto the sofa with one finger.) Control, is it? Well, watch this control. (She sits on the sofa beside him, and he slithers [that's all he has the energy to do] first to the other end of the sofa, then down onto the floor.) No control left? (He crawls off by the inner door.) Bye-bye! Tyler: (At exit:) Just you wait; I'll be back. Daisy: On your back, that is! (To audience:) Now that I'm alone, I'll use this chance to look around. Maybe -- oh, hope of all hopes -- I can find George! Do you know? Is he here? (She waits for the audience to answer; if they don't, she prompts them with "Well? Is he?") I knew it! (She exits by the outer door.) Van Bever: (Entering by the inner door:) Well, would you look at this! (To audience:) Ordinarily I can't stand any disorder in my office, but this disorder bodes very well for my plans. Now that Tyler's gotten her broken in, she'll be a most welcome addition to my stable. (Leers.) After I've had my way with her, that is. Hah! Hah! Hah! (Sweeps out right.) Curtain. ACT IV -- Scene 1 -- (Van Bever is in his office, sitting at his desk doing paperwork. It is the evening of the same day as the previous scene.) Van Bever: (Still looking down at desk:) Blasted paperwork! (Looks up; to audience:) You would think that in a business such as mine there wouldn't be much paperwork. Well, let me tell you: the local constabulary I can buy off, the County Tax Assessor I can buy off; but the I.R.S. -- that's another story. They don't want to know how I get my money -- I could be a murderer for all they care. Just so long as they get their cut! Reminds me of some Mafia types I once knew. Tyler: (Offstage, after knocking on outer door:) Van Bever? Van Bever: Come in, Dick. (Door opens; Dick enters with Judge.) I was just .... (Sees Judge.) Judge Po.... (Judge silences him with a gesture.) Judge: Never! Never, never let my name pass your lips in this establishment. Van Bever: Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. I forgot, sir. Judge: And I would prefer it if my title were not bandied about the air of this ... place lightly. (Van Bever starts to reply, but is again cut off with a gesture.) Mr. Tyler? Tyler: Maur... (Van Bever cuts him off with a bad copy of the gesture the Judge used on him.) Huh? Oh! Mr. Van Bever; the -- ah, that is, our (two syllables:) learned friend here desires to have the company of his friend George for the evening. Van Bever: Why, certainly, your (winks at audience) reverence. (Loudly, in the direction of the inner door:) Julius! Get George! (A pause. Then George gets pushed into the room through the inner door by the unseen Julius.) Judge: George! My dear boy! So pleasant to see you again. Do come along with me; I have such gay (To audience:) Sorry; wrong word. (Back to George:) happy times planned for us this evening. George: (Shyly, a bit scared, but not totally:) Sir, I don't know what my dear mother would say if ... Judge: (Cutting him off; not harshly:) George. My dear George. Come. (They exit together by the inner door.) (Immediately a knock is heard at the outer door.) Van Bever: Come in! Sims: (Enters through outer door, in disguise; pretends to be a man visiting the house for the first time, and very nervous about it.) Ah, is this the office? Van Bever: Why, yes, sir; it is. What can we do for you? (Aside:) As if I didn't know. But you have to humor these "virgins" or they'll run like scared armadillos. (Pause; grimaces.) Who wrote that line? Sims: I need.... That is, I want.... That is, I came for -- some.... Van Bever: Companionship? Sims: Yes! That's it exactly! Thank you, sir. Van Bever: Mr. Tyler, who do we have left this evening? Tyler: Mr. Van Bever, I'm afraid that all we have un... occupied is Miss Daisy. But you know she put up quite a -- well, let's just say she is quite spirited. Sims: Oh, all right. I really need a ...a -- you know. Van Bever: Oh, yes sir, I do. Mr. Tyler, go get Miss Daisy. Tyler: Right. (Exits by inner door.) Van Bever: There is yet another difficulty, I fear. We have no rooms left tonight, either. (Aside:) Actually, we do have rooms -- and girls -- left; I just don't want to waste them on this fellow. I save them for my good customers. (Back to Sims:) Would the divan here in this office suffice for your ... needs? Sims: Yes! Anything. Anywhere. (To audience:) Do you think I'm overplaying it a bit? (Pause.) Naaaah. Tyler: (Entering by inner door, dragging Daisy in with him; in the middle of a conversation with her:) ... and here you'll stay! Van Bever: Ahhhh. Miss Daisy. I trust your accommodations are satisfactory? But I forget my manners! Miss Daisy, allow me to present Mr. .... (To Sims:) What was you name again? Sims: Smith. Van Bever: Oh, yes. Mr. Smith. (Rolls eyes upward.) And Mr. Smith, would you allow me to present to you Miss Daisy? (Sims goes to Daisy and puts out his hands; Tyler forces Daisy's hands up into his.) And now, if you'll excuse my associate and myself, we have business to attend to elsewhere. (Van Bever and Tyler exit by the inner door. Tyler gives Daisy a longing look on the way out.) Sims: (Releases her hands as soon as they are out the door.) Madam, I am not who I seem. (Removes whatever of the disguise he can.) Allow me to introduce myself -- my real self. I am Mr. Edwin Sims, president and chief executive officer of the National Vigilance Association. (He expects recognition, but Daisy just stands there.) The N.V.A.! (Same.) Oh. Then let me inform you: the N.V.A. is dedicated to wiping out these dens of iniquity and to rescuing you poor unfortunate creatures caught in their web. (Neither of them notices that the inner door has opened, and Van Bever then Tyler are sneaking in. Both make "Shhh!" gestures to the audience.) Daisy: But I'm not caught here! I'm here for the same .... Sims: (He cuts her off, still thinking she is one of the staff.) My dear girl .... Daisy: (She turns away from Sims [so she can't see Van Bever and Tyler approach Sims].) I am not a girl; I'm a woman! (Aside:) Especially after this afternoon! (To Sims, still facing away:) And I am not here out of trickery, I am here because I ... (Tyler knocks Sims out with a billy club. At Sims's groan, Daisy into turns back to him and sees what has happened.) Daisy: What have you done? Van Bever: Simply helped this John Law get a little badly- needed sleep tonight. And how about you? What is it you were about to say? Daisy: Nothing. Van Bever: Nothing; well, we'll see about that. Tyler! You must not have trained her well enough this afternoon. (Tyler begins to look apprehensive.) Don't you think she needs a little more? (Tyler looks around for someone else to do it.) Don't you think you need to give her a little more? Hmmm? (Vicious:) Do it! And do it well: I want her docile when I see her again. Now, get out her out of here while I see to this ... garbage. (Van Bever bends down to Sims, his back to Daisy and Tyler. Daisy takes Tyler's hand and drags him out the inner door.) -- Scene 2 -- (This scene can take place in the N.V.A. offices, or on a street (in front of the curtain) to save the scene shift. It is the morning following the previous scene. Sims is sitting behind his desk (if played in the office), McCann is pacing about, and Duffy is standing quietly to one side. Sims has a large bandage on his head.) McCann: I mean, I expected rudeness from those ... persons, but that (gestures to Sims's head) was completely beyond the bounds of civilized behavior! Sims: McCann, these are no gentlemen. Civilized behavior is the last thing I'd expect from those fiends. Consider, after all, their primary occupation. McCann: I understand that, sir; but you don't seem to ... I .... (Realizing he's going to lose this one, and trying another attack:) Duffy! Why were you not on hand to protect Mr. Sims as I had asked? I explicitly .... Sims: (Interrupting:) No, sir. It is not this poor man's fault. I deliberately ordered him to remain behind when I entered that -- place. He has been active in our recent vice raids, and I feared that he would be recognized. Duffy: (Big smile:) I like vice. McCann: Duffy, how many times do I have to tell you that just because you are on the vice squad, that does not mean that .... Duffy: No, sir! I didn't mean it that way, sir! What I really meant was ... McCann: Never mind. Just never mind. (A pause; to audience:) Do you remember what we were talking about? (Pause.) Oh, yes! That ghastly bandage. (Stops again.) No; that wasn't it. I mean, that was what we were talking about, but that wasn't what I was going to talk about. (Sims begins twiddling his thumbs.) (To Sims:) I was going to talk about ... about ... the real purpose of our meeting here tonight! Sims: And that is? McCann: (Starts to speak, then stops, looking puzzled. Duffy leans over and whispers something into his ear.) We must save those poor wretches who have fallen into the clutches of Maurice Van Bever! Sims: My dear Captain McCann: that is the entire purpose of the National Vigilance Association. (Beginning to preach:) Our total effort for the past seven years has been toward the rescue of those poor, unfortunate women who have fallen into the clutches of (McCann starts his aside here, while Sims continues this speech, turned a bit upstage and softer.) those degenerate vermin, those slime-covered toads, those villainous curs who .... McCann: (To audience:) Uh-oh! Speech number four. I'd better stop him before he starts asking you for money. (To McCann, who stops his speech:) No -- you mistake me, sir! I fully understand the strategic goals of our organization. I am talking instead about this particular situation -- Maurice Van Bever's house and the ice cream parlor owned by his associate, Alphonse Citro. Sims: Agreed; but why them, now? (McCann points at Sims's bandage, and Sims looks upward toward it.) Oh. Yes. McCann: This assault on an officer of the Association cannot go unpunished. We must plan: what resources could you bring to bear if we were to assemble a raid on those two establishments this evening? Duffy: A raid? Sims: This evening? McCann: (Turns to audience, indicating his lips:) Are these working tonight? (To Sims:) Yes. This very evening. Sims: Well, I could call .... (Voice fades as he looks through an address book.) McCann: Right! Duffy, at precisely 1800 hours this evening you lead an attack on the ice cream parlor. Use a frontal assault, but remember to cover the enemy's routes of retreat. Duffy: Cover his what? McCann: The alley, you dingleberry! Take the automatic weapons if you need them. Duffy: Right! What about the grenades? McCann: Are you crazy, man? Do you want the whole downtown area splattered with innocent Boysenberry ripple? McCann: (To Sims:) And once that dastardly den of delightful delusion has been decisively disintegrated, (Sims loudly clears his throat) our forces will converge on Van Bever's place of business. Sims: Well, I certainly want a piece of that action. McCann: And you shall have it. To arms! (Exit running.) Sims: To arms! (Exit opposite, at a fast walk.) Duffy: To arms! (Starts to exit downstage, but stops just before he falls off the apron. Looks after McCann, then Sims, then runs out after McCann.) -- Scene 3 -- (In Van Bever's office, that evening. He is sitting at his desk doing some paperwork. Suddenly all hell breaks loose outside the door: we hear sirens, screams, pounding, and other noises appropriate to a police raid. Sims bursts through the outer door and pulls a gun on Van Bever.) Van Bever: (Rising:) What in the devil do you think you are doing, sir? Sims: This -- sir -- is a raid. You are out of business, as of tonight! Van Bever: And you, sir, are committing a felony. What makes you think you can break down the door of a respectable businessman, burst into his office, (To audience:) unannounced, no less, (To Sims:) and threaten him -- me -- with a gun? You are not an officer of the law. McCann: (Pulling Maggie and Dora in with him by the inner door:) But I am! (He draws his pistol as the women retreat to a neutral corner, ducking to avoid the aim of the gun.) And you, sir, are out of business, as of tonight! Van Bever: Curses! (To audience:) I've got to get that echo fixed. Sims: (Noticing Dora; going to her:) My dear Miss Dora! What are you doing here? I thought that we had rescued you from this crafty cretin's calamitous clutches! Van Bever: Oh, come on! That one doesn't even make sense. McCann: Raise your hands, you villain! Sims: Dora? Dora: Oh, sir! It was awful. I did just like you told me: I took r'spectable lodgin', I got a r'spectable job, I bought r'spectable clothes; I did my best to be r'spectable. But nobody r'spected me! They all knew I'd been a ... a .... Sims: There, there. Dora: They wouldn't let me. They all said they knew what kind of woman I was, and that was that. The women wanted me out, and the men wanted me ... in. (Despairing:) Oh, why did he have to leave me? I wouldn't be here today if only he .... McCann: Never mind that now! Sims: go find George. Sims: (Exiting by inner door:) Right! Duffy: (Entering through outer door:) Here's this one, sir. He didn't get out the back way after all; he was hiding in the (giggles) cookies and cream. (Pulls Citro in after him.) Dora: (At Citro:) You! (To audience:) Him! The one who left me and threw me into this ... (To Citro:) I'll show you! (To Van Bever:) And you! (To McCann:) I've got enough on Van Bever to put him away for the rest of his life. (To Citro again:) And if you're mixed up in this, I'll see you get yours, too. (During this speech, as her attention goes from person to person, her movements get more ands more extravagant.) Van Bever: Oh, no you don't! (Van Bever pulls a pistol of his own; aims at Dora. Just as he fires, Citro jumps in front of her and takes the bullet. Duffy runs to Van Bever, wrestles the gun away from him, and holds him behind the desk.) McCann: Hold him! Dora: (Kneeling beside him:) Alphonse! Why? Citro: (Dying:) I ... I couldn't stand seeing you (coughs) so poor. I knew if I left, you could make your way in the world without me. God forgive me; if I'd known it would be that way, I'd have ... I'd have .... (Dies.) Dora: Oh, Alphonse! (Bends over him, weeping.) Sims: (Entering from inner door; dragging George in behind him:) Here he is! But... McCann: But ...? Sims: There's someone with him ... someone we both know and (Aside:) once (To McCann:) respected. McCann: What! Sims: (To Judge waiting out the door:) All right, your ... honor, come in here. (Judge P. enters, more than a bit embarrassed.) McCann: (As Judge goes to him:) Judge .... (Judge puts hand over McCann's mouth to prevent last name from coming out.) Judge: Captain McCann! Surely you understand the ... sensitivity of my situation here. (Pulls him closer to confer:) Not just that I was found in a house of infamy, but that .... (His voice trails off to a whisper.) (Tyler enters by the inner door, sees the situation, and tries to go back out through it. Duffy: Stop, you! (He runs across the room and grabs him, pulling him back into the room.) Van Bever: (No longer guarded, he pulls another gun from his coat, runs to Maggie, and grabs her from behind.) Hoooold it!! (Everyone stops their individual activities and looks at him.) (To audience:) When Maurice Van Bever talks, people listen! Hah! Hah! (To everyone in the room:) All right: all of you! (Indicates the outer door.) Get away from that door. And if anyone tries to stop me, she gets it. (Van Bever backs to outer door, holding Maggie in front of him. He opens the door, still facing away from it. As it opens, two fists (Daisy's) come down through the opening onto Van Bever`s shoulders, at the neck. He bends over in pain -- with suitable grunts, moans, etc.) Daisy: (Pushes him on over onto the floor as she enters, running toward George:) George! I have found you! Van Bever: (From his crouch, aiming his gun at Daisy:) You ... ingrate. For that you shall die! Duffy: (Shooting him first:) Au contraire! (Turns his gun immediately back to Tyler, before he can run off.) Van Bever: Curses and vile expostulations! Foiled again, for the last and final time! (To audience, in utter frustration:) And in French, no less! (Dies.) Judge: (Walking to beside George, nearly between him and Daisy:) My dear Daisy -- it is Daisy, is it not? George has told me so much about you. Daisy: George? Who is this person? What is going on here? George: Ah, ... Daisy, I ... don't quite know how to tell you this, but I ... I have changed. Daisy: (Still not getting it:) Changed? (To audience:) Do you know what he means? (Giving them a chance to answer -- if they don't, a plant answers for them.) He what?! (To George:) You what?!?! Judge: (To Daisy, archly:) The gentleman is with me. (Judge and George retire to a corner, arm in arm.) Daisy: Well, I'll be a left-handed, pigeon-toed .... I should have known! (Shakes head as if to clear it.) I need some exercise to clear my head. (Turns head, sees Tyler; to him:) And there's just the exercise bike I need! (Goes to him, pulls him from Duffy -- both of them protesting -- and drags him out by the inner door.) Come on, Silver. Sims: My heavens! McCann: what do we do now? McCann: I ... I don't know. This wasn't in the script! Maggie: (Going to Sims, whispers something in his ear.) Would that do? Sims: (A growing expression of surprise and happiness on his face:) Admirably! (He and Maggie exit by the outer door.) McCann: (Crossing to DC, to audience:) And I was all set to end this scene with a resounding, "Purity has triumphed!" But .... (Looks in succession at George and the Judge, the door where Daisy and Tyler exited, and the door where Sims and Maggie exited. Stands there for a second, then gives a broad "I don't know" gesture with a very perplexed expression on his face.) Curtain.