Junctions Scene 1 - Abstract Bit 1 Entire scene is bathed in red light. All the characters are miming arguing with each other. One at a time, the characters step forwards to speak. Criminal: When I got up this morning, I was expecting a nice, easy day. Catch the train, then be off. Away from my troubles. A new beginning. I hadn't expected this. Scene 2 Scene is set inside a tube train. The walls have rail maps and various graffiti. Outside the windows is nothing but blackness. Inside sits Shrink next to empty seat, clutching paper bag full of apples. Posh and Lad also sit together, but firmly ignore each other (i.e. Point bodies, feet and faces away from each other - subtle but very effective). Criminal sits on his own. Lad: (Suddenly) What the bloody 'ell's goin' on? Cop: I think I've almost done it... (Lights flicker then come back on) There we go. Is everybody okay? Comic alternative: After Cop says, "I think I've almost done it..." a dummy dressed like Cop is launched across the stage and lands offstage. At that point Cop walks on looking slightly charred and continues as normal. Shrink: I'm fine. Posh: (Indicating newspaper) I've lost the Culture section, but other than that I'm fine. Lad: No! I'm not okay!! I'm stuck in a bloody underground tunnel in a bloody tin!! Shrink: Stop swearing. It won't do any of us any good. Lad: Well I don't see you doing any- Criminal: Hang on, hang on. Just calm down. I've got my mobile on me - this shouldn't take long (Dials and listens). Posh: Good thinking! Actually, I've got mine somewhere too (Starts searching for it). There we go. Criminal: Damn - the battery's dead. (Turns to Posh) What about yours? Posh: Well I... Hmmm... (Lost in thought) Criminal: What? Posh: It's just that it's a new phone... And I haven't used it yet... And... Cop: You don't know how to use it, is that it? You don't know how to use your own phone? Posh: (In a very small voice) Not exactly, no. Cop: Well that's just great. Our only hope of salvation and he hasn't read the instruction manual. Wonderful. Shrink: Calm down. There's no rush. (Cop sits down next to Shrink) Lad: Maybe not for you there ain't. (To Posh) Give us that 'ere. All them mobiles are the same. Just push the buttons and speak at 'em. Simple as that. Erm, where are the buttons? Posh: You have to slide down the cover. (Blank look from Lad) There's a little catch at the side. You just have to - Lad: I see it, I see it! (Gasps and begins to swear) Fu- Shrink: Ahem. Lad: (Shoots annoyed look at Shrink) That's not a phone - that's a bleeding supercomputer. Cop: Does anyone have any idea how to make that thing work? Criminal: No Shrink: No Lad & Cop: Great, just great. Posh: Well, then. What do we do now? Cop: We wait. And keep calm. That's important. Does anyone have any other bright ideas? Criminal: We could get out and walk. It's not so hard. You just have stay close to the walls. And avoid the rats. And trains. Posh & Lad: Rats? Criminal: Rats. You know, big furry things? Have four legs and tails, but aren't horses. Rats. Posh: I didn't know there were rats on the tube. Or horses, for that matter. Shrink: We shouldn't split up and we definitely shouldn't go outside. Lad: Yeah, there are enough delays already without the likes of him (indicates Shrink) falling over on the tracks. Posh: So what do we do? Cop: We'll just have to wait it out. Shrink: He's right. Scene 3 (Focus shifts to Lad & Posh. Lad gets up and starts pacing) Lad: We can't wait. I can't wait. I've got to get to the airport. Posh: Well there's a coincidence for you. So have I. Where are you flying to? Lad: Bermuda. Posh: I hear it's nice this time of the year. Very... hot and... sunny and... hot. Very nice. Which hotel are you staying at? Lad: That's none of your business. (Lad sits down, facing away from Posh) Posh: (Meek voice again) Right. Sorry. Abstract Bit 2 (Stage bathed in red light) Everything is silent but for a very loud, rhythmic dripping. Lad stands, with arms folded, defiantly facing away from Posh. Posh taps Lad on shoulder, trying to be friendly, but Lad only turns further away. Posh is upset and almost thumps Lad in anger. Scene 4 (The focus shifts to the group on the left. Cop sits with head in hands) Criminal: How about that, eh? Shrink: How about what? Criminal: You know, this. Exciting stuff. (Pause) You know... a friend of mine, all round nice bloke with a couple of dodgy hobbies, he tried to mug someone on a tube train once. Funny story. He pulled out a knife and held it to an old lady's throat and demanded everyone's money. Shrink: Then what happened? Criminal: This. This happened. The train broke down and he was stuck there for six hours holding this old dear by the neck. Never travelled by public transport again... Cop: Six hours? Criminal: Eh? Cop: He was stuck there for six hours? In a tunnel? Criminal: Oh yeah. Mind you, that's nothing compared with some of the delays you get nowadays. I read an article about a woman living alone on a broken tube train for four days. She survived by eating rats. Shrink: She actually ate the rats? Criminal: Yep. She said it was them or her. Abstract Bit 3 (Stage bathed in red light) Shrink and Criminal freeze-frame. Sound of clock ticking, but getting gradually slower until it stops. Cop gets up and staggers forwards, shivering and breathing very loudly. (General image of someone who's been tortured then left naked in Siberia) He looks around in despair, then shakes his head and lets out a small wail. He then sits back down and everything is back to normal (Cop groans loudly and puts his head back in his hands, hunched over. Note to Kim: Symptoms of claustrophobia include sweating, dizziness, trembling and breathlessness in addition to basic panic) Criminal: Hey, are you okay? Shrink: I don't think he is. In fact, one could probably surmise that he's suffering from claustrophobia. Cop: (Sarcastically) Amazing! What gave it away? The walls closing in? The pitch darkness? Or was it the fact that we're never going to get out of here alive?!? Criminal: Probably the first two. I'm almost certainly sure most of us will probably get out alive. (Shrink and Cop stare at him) What? Shrink: I don't think you're helping much. Cop: No shit, Sherlock. (Optional censoring method: As Cop says "shit", a train rumbles past loudly in a neighbouring tunnel, blocking out his voice. If we're being squeamish about swearing, Cop could just groan) Shrink: You like apples? Cop: What? Shrink: Do you like apples? Cop: Yes, I like apples. Shrink: What colour? Green or red? Cop: What? Shrink: Green or red? Cop: Green. Shrink: Good. (Digs around in shopping bag and retrieves a green apple) Eat this. Cop: Why? Shrink: Just eat it. It's good for you. Contains vitamin C. Criminal: And dietary fibre. Cop: You know what you two remind me of? Shrink: No, what do we remind you of? Cop: Those Rice Crispies characters. You know, Snap, Crackle and Pop. Shrink: I see. Do you like Snap, Crackle and Pop? Cop: Yeah. I mean I've got nothing against them. I don't like them in a sick way or anything, if that's what you're getting at. Shrink: That wasn't what I meant. Do you find them intimidating, though? Cop: Of course not! Shrink: Just think what they would do in a situation like this. Cop: What?? They're cartoon characters! They sell breakfast cereal! They're not exactly strong positive role models! Shrink: Right. Sorry. Keep eating your apple. Just what exactly are you afraid of? Cop: Right now? Shrink: Right now. Cop: I'm afraid that you've given me a funny apple and that as soon as I pass out you'll steal my wallet and throw me on the tracks. Shrink: Really? Cop: Really, I'm more worried about getting out of this train. Shrink: Yes, but why? Cop: Because if we don't, then we'll starve and die as soon as your supply of apples runs out.. Shrink: Have you ever been on a train that's broken down before? Cop: Yes. Shrink: Did you die then? Cop: (Quickly checks that he is alive) No... Shrink: So what makes you think you'll die now? Cop: We're underground now. And the lights are on. Shrink: Surely that's a good thing. Cop: No, because I managed to sort out the electricity to get the lights on, which means that electricity is now working in the train, which means that the wheels are not moving for another reason, which means that no-one can start the train, which means that we'll be stuck here forever, which means that we... will... DIE. Shrink: Aah... Criminal: Actually, that's where you're wrong. Cop: What? Criminal: You're wrong. Do you really think that even London Underground would be stupid enough to have enough electricity to power a whole train flowing through that little fusebox? I don't. In fact, there's barely enough to power the lights. Otherwise we'd have fried passengers left, right and centre. Cop: So what powers the train? Criminal: The rails. Cop: (Suddenly fine) Oh yeah. Hmm. Well, I suppose I'd better be checking on the other passengers. They might be panicking, you know. (Gets up and exits) Abstract Bit 4 (Stage bathed in red light) Criminal is frozen. Shrink gets up and gestures in amazement at Cop (offstage) as if to say, "How the Hell?". He then looks at Criminal in astonishment and annoyance. Finally, he sits back down and folds his arms, looking mightily miffed. Shrink: Well done. Criminal: Thank you. You put up quite an impressive display yourself. Do you work with kids a lot? Shrink: Actually, yes. I'm a child psychiatrist. Is it that obvious? Criminal: I'm afraid so. Snap, Crackle and Pop? Come on... Shrink: It got his mind off the subject long enough for him to calm down a bit. Criminal: True. And the apple? Was that to distract him as well? Shrink: Sort of. Apples are actually very healthy, not to mention relaxing. Something to do with the natural sugar counter-balancing the dopamine levels in the brain. I give them to all my patients. Criminal: Who would have thought, eh? Fruit for nuts. Shrink: Something like that. What about you? What do you do for a living? Criminal: At the moment, nothing. I'm concentrating on travel. Shrink: Where to? Criminal: I don't know yet. Anywhere but here. Shrink: What are you running from? Criminal: Who says I'm running? Shrink: Sorry, I thought you just did. Scene 5 (Focus shifts to group on the right, i.e. Posh and Lad. It is evident by the way they speak that Lad has been teasing Posh for a while. Posh holds newspaper on lap) Lad: I think I'll eat you first. Posh: (On the verge of tears) Stop it. Lad: I'm getting veerrryy hungry. Posh: Why are you doing this? Lad: Who's going to stop me? (Cop enters from shadows, holding apple he's been eating) Cop: I will. Lad: Oh yeah? What are you going to do? Throw your apple at me? Cop: No. (Pulls out badge) But I might arrest you. Lad: (Knowing he's been beaten) Look mate, I was just joking. I didn't mean any harm. I just wanted to... Cop: I know what you just wanted. Now get out of here. (Lad starts to leave) And tell that shrink I want to speak to him. (Lad leaves) Are you okay? Posh: Yes (sniff). Are you really a police officer? Cop: I am for all he knows. Posh: You mean you're not? Cop: As it happens, I am. But I could easily not have been. There's a moral in there somewhere. Posh: Yes, I'd imagine there is. Cop: What was he telling you, anyway? Posh: Just that we'd all have to eat each other. And that he was going to eat me. Not much really. Cop: Some people... If he tries to bother you again, just tell me and I'll clap him in irons. Posh: Can you really arrest people for teasing? Cop: Probably not. I'll just have to say that he assaulted me. (Shrink enters. Cop steps forwards to speak to him privately) Shrink: You asked to speak to me? Cop: Er, yes... Shrink: Yes? Cop: I want to speak to you about something. Shrink: Go on... Cop: It's just that... (does the old head-jerk point to Posh, indicating that he doesn't want to talk about himself in front of him). Shrink: You don't want him to - Cop: Exactly. Shrink: But you want to - Cop: Yes. Shrink: Ah, I see. Well, I don't think he'd mind. Cop: But I'd mind. Shrink: No you wouldn't. Now sit down where you feel comfortable. (Cop tries sitting back down on seat, but can't get comfortable. Eventually he decides to just sit on the floor, leaning against the seat) Shrink: Good. Another apple? Cop: Please (Shrink tosses him apple). Shrink: Okay. Tell me about yourself. Cop: Where should I begin? Shrink: At the beginning. Cop: If you say so. When I was three, I remember sitting at home... (Lights fade to black) Scene 6 (Focus shifts to group on left, i.e. Lad and Criminal) Criminal: How are you holding up? Lad: Okay. I'm just pissed off. This isn't the first time this has happened to me and it probably ain't going to be the last. Criminal: Easy now. (Mocking shrink) What would the nice psychiatrist man say if he heard you swearing. And if we stay here much longer, it might be the last time. Lad: But we're not going to be here much longer, are we? Criminal: Oh, I don't know. I read an article about a woman living alone on a broken tube train for four days. She survived - Lad: Eating rats? Yeah, I've heard that one too. What kind of gullible idiot would believe it, though? Criminal: A really gullible one. Lad: You got that right. Criminal: I've told some tall stories in my time, much taller than that one. I managed to get that guy with the trenchcoat believing it. Who would have thought? Lad: You're joking, aren't you? For a cop, he's pretty gullible. I bet I could get him believing anything. Criminal: What? Lad: I bet he'd believe anything. Criminal: No, before that. What did you say he was? Lad: A cop. Why? (Criminal stares into space - shocked and unmoving) Hello? You all right? Hello? (Lights fade to black) Scene 7 (Focus shifts back to right side of stage. I.e. Cop, Posh and Shrink. Cop is still on floor beside huge pile of apples cores. Shrink is listening intently to what Cop is saying. Posh has dozed off reading his paper) Cop: My brothers and I, whenever we played hide and seek, they'd always leave me to hide and not bother even trying to find me. (Suddenly angry) They didn't even try!! I spent a whole 24 hours in my wardrobe once!! (Now almost at tears, sad) And no-one even noticed. They didn't even notice... (Regaining his senses) It just spooked me, I suppose. I mean, do you ever get that feeling you're being watched, but you don't know who's doing the watching? Do you know what I mean? (Both Shrink and Cop look straight out at the audience, without acknowledging their existence) Shrink: No, I can't say that I do. (Lad enters, looking worried) Lad: I think I've killed him. Cop: (Immediately returning to Cop mode) Killed who? Lad: How the hell should I know his name? That guy. Cop: Show us. (Lad, Cop and Shrink exit, in that order. Focus shifts back to left, where Criminal is lying unconscious on the floor) Scene 8 Lad: There. Cop: Oh crap. Shrink: (Feeling, not strangling, Criminal's neck) He's still breathing. (Checks pulse, mouth and heartbeat) He's going to be okay - he's just passed out. What happened? Lad: (Defensive) I was just talking to him and... Cop: (not believing him) What did you do to him? Lad: Nothing! If you think I'd.. Shrink: Shut up, both of you. Now isn't the time. What did you say to him? Lad: I just said that I thought he (points at cop) was gullible. Shrink: And? Lad: That's it. Shrink: What were your exact words? Lad: He's pretty gullible... (pause) For a cop... Shrink: A cop? A cop? You didn't mention that before, did you? Cop: I guess it just slipped my mind. Shrink: (sighs) Typical. They come to you for help, you listen. You say, "Is that everything?", they say, "that's everything". But still they're holding back on you. People... Lad: (Has been staring at Shrink. Once Shrink is finished, he shakes his head dismissively and talks to Cop) That's probably why he fainted. Shrink: In that case, the question is, "Why should your being a policeman concern him enough to make him pass out?". Cop: Let's find out. (Unzips Criminal's coat) Lad: Hey! You can't do that! He's got rights, you know. Cop: Oh yeah? And what rights would those be? Lad: You can't search him without a warrant. Cop: That's houses. We can't search houses without a warrant. I can search him whenever I like. Lad: (Indignant) But.. (Turns to Shrink) Tell him to stop it, he'll listen to you. Shrink: What can I do? He's got him bang to rights. (Still annoyed with Cop, mutters) Policeman, honestly... What exactly do you hope to find in his jacket, anyway? A bloody axe? Bags with "SWAG" written on the side? Perhaps a book entitled "How to rob banks in 10 easy steps"? Cop: I don't know. Anything suspicious. I give up. We'll just have to wait for him to come round and then beat it out of him. Lad: You can't get away with that - Cop: I was joking. Hang on - there were five of us a minute ago. We're one down - who's not here? Lad: That posh guy in the suit's pissed off somewhere. Cop: (To Shrink) Doc, go and find him and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. (to Lad) As for you, I have some questions I want to ask. (Shrink leaves). Right. First off, where are you going to? Lad: To the airport. Cop: Why? Lad: (sarcastically) To wrestle penguins. Why do you think I'm going to the bloody airport? Cop: Okay, let me rephrase that. Where are you going from the airport? Lad: Bermuda. Cop: Show me your ticket. Lad: Okay, I'm not going to Bermuda. I'm going to see off a friend who is going to Bermuda. Cop: A friend? Lad: Yes, a friend. Cop: What sort of friend? Friend from work? Lady friend? Drug dealer friend? Scene 9 (Focus instantly shifts to right side of stage - does not fade. Posh is still dozing where he was before, loudly snoring. Shrink enters). Shrink: (Shakes Posh) Hello? (No response - shakes harder) Hello? Wake up. (Still no response) Wake.. UP! (Accidentally shakes so hard that Posh topples forwards onto the floor and awakes with a start) Posh: Huh? What? Oh, sorry. I think I almost drifted off there. Shrink: Yes, you almost did. Posh: (Yawning) What time is it? Shrink: Nearly nine. Posh: Oh dear. Has the train started moving again yet? Shrink: Afraid not. Posh: Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Shrink: Something the matter? Posh: (Starting to panic) I'm late. I'm late. Shrink: For a very important date? Posh: YES!! I'm supposed to meet someone at the airport in ten minutes. Shrink: Oh yes? Whom? Posh: My fiancée. (Complicated bit approaching: - Both sides of stage are shown. When action is taking place on one side, all on other side freeze-frame. Lighting does not change. The change from side to side has to be done quickly to be effective) Lad: Lady friend. A very close lady friend. (Looks at watch) Damn, I'm never going to make it. Posh: Oh dear, oh dear. I hope she won't be angry. Lad: I wanted to surprise her. Show her I cared, you know? Posh: No, she won't be angry. She'll understand. She's perfect about things like this. Lad: Oh well. She'll appreciate the thought. She's so kind. Posh: She's so understanding, so unique. She's like a single gleaming diamond in a bed of coal. Lad: She's like a cold beer on a hot day. Someone who'll give me what I want... Posh: That uncontrollable spirit - so fiery, no-one could ever tame her. Lad: A woman who knows her place. But that's not all. Posh: She's beautiful as well. She has - Lad: Legs from here to heaven - Posh: Flowing chestnut hair - Lad: The kind of eyes that just make you want to drool - Posh: The body of Venus - Lad: (Performing the well-known breast-cupping gesture) Oh, and her - Posh: (Cutting Lad off very quickly) Voice, her voice. It has such a range of tones, it's almost- Lad: (Performing similarly well-known breast-bouncing gesture) Bouncy- Posh: Soft, and yet- Lad: (Performing slightly less well-known breast-squeezing gesture) Firm. Posh: Oh, I love her. Lad: And she loves me. Shrink: What's her name? Posh: (Distracted) Hmm? Cop: What's her name? Lad: Her name - Posh & Lad together: (In a happy, sighing voice) Ashley. (Lights immediately go out on both sides) Scene 10 (After a pause, the lights come back on on the left hand side of the stage. Cop and Lad are sitting down, bored. Criminal is still on the floor. He stirs and sits up groggily) Criminal: What? Am I still... (Looks around, realises he's on a train, but doesn't notice Cop) Oh no... Cop: (Leans over Criminal, taking obvious delight in the moment) Good morning. Criminal: Oh no. Cop: Oh yes. I think we need to have a little chat. Criminal: (Now nervous - gives little laugh, trying to sound innocent) What about? Cop: About what you're doing on this train and why you're so worried about me being a policeman. Criminal: I'm on this train to get to the airport and I'm worried about you being a policeman because I don't want to answer any more bloody questions. Cop: Questions? About what? Criminal: About the bloody Crawford brothers. Cop: The Crawford brothers? As in the gang the Crawford brothers? Criminal: Yes. Cop: Why would I ask you questions about the Crawford brothers? Criminal: Oh, come on. Don't pretend you don't know. Cop: I don't know. I honestly don't. Criminal: Well you must be the only person on the force who doesn't. I've had no rest for months thanks to you lot. Cop: Us lot? Criminal: The police. They've been hunting me down day and night. Cop: Why? What have you done? Criminal: Nothing! That's just it. I'm a witness. An innocent witness and I'm the one who's being hunted. Tell me that's not screwed up. Cop: You're an informant? You're the informant? Lad: Well, that's a turn-up for the books. Criminal: Yep. Hey, you didn't think I was part of the gang, did you? Cop: Well, yes. Lad: If you're innocent, why are they hunting you? Criminal: To ask me questions!! Soooo many questions!!! Don't they ever stop to think that they might be ruining my life? Cop: So you're running away. Criminal: Damn right. I suppose you're going to try and stop me. Cop: I probably should... But... Criminal: But? Abstract Bit 5 (Stage bathed in red light) Cop is standing behind Criminal, almost on top of him. Criminal moves away nervously, but Cop just follows. Eventually Criminal just runs, expecting Cop to follow. When he doesn't, Criminal looks at him quizzically and Cop just smiles and gestures as if to say, "Go on. I'm not going to stop you". Scene 11 (Right side of stage - Posh is trying to open the windows without success) Shrink: What are you doing? Posh: Trying to open the window. Shrink: Don't worry, we're not going to suffocate. Posh: It's not that, I have to get out. Shrink: What's the hurry? Posh: I have to see Ashley. She'll go spare. (Lad enters and sits down) Shrink: Just keep calm: Surely she'll understand if you explain to her what's happened? Posh: (calming down somewhat) Yes.. Yes.. I'm sure if I calmly explain what happened she'll understand perfectly. Lad: Who will? Posh: Ashley. Lad: (Jumping out of his seat) Ashley?!?! Posh: My fiancée. Lad: Ashley who? Posh: (slightly afraid) Ashley Cornwell.. Lad: Fucking hell.. (quietly, with his hands running down his face as he tries to realise what is going on) Posh: ( Dislikes Lad greatly, but timidly approaches him) Are.. Are you okay? Lad: (explodes) You scum; you bloody scum! Well you can keep the crazy whore for all I care.. Posh: (quietly) Don't talk about my Ashley like that. Lad : YOUR ASHLEY!? Posh: Yes, what's going on? ( Lad thumps him. Posh bleeds and is KO'ed) Shrink: What the Hell do you think you're doing? (Checks Posh) He's unconscious. Great, two in one day. Why don't you pass out as well, see if we can break a record. What was all that about? Lad: He's been screwing about with my fiancée! The bastard. Shrink: Fascinating. What are the chances... (looks at Lad in a jolly way, then remembers that Lad's quite angry)Still, I don't think you should have been so harsh on him. Lad: Why not, after what he did to me? Shrink: Do you think he knew that you were engaged to Ashley? Lad: (Starting to doubt himself) Probably... Shrink: Oh, really? Lad: (Really unsure) Yeah. Shrink: Are you telling me that you actually believe that man proposed to your fiancée because of some.. some malicious vendetta against a man whom he's never even met? Lad: It's not impossible. Shrink: True, but it's not exactly likely, either, is it? Lad: Well... Shrink: Besides, do you think that he'd still want to marry her if he knew she was engaged? Lad: Could do. Shrink: Come on... Lad: Well, probably not. Shrink: In fact, from his point of view, you're engaged to his fiancée. Lad: I guess so... Shrink: Well then. Let's see if we can get this guy to come round so you can apologise to him. What d'you say? Lad: I still think he's a pisser. Shrink: For God's sake.. (Cop enters) Cop: (To Lad) What have you done now? Lad: Nothing! Shrink: Except for knocking him unconscious... Lad: Yeah, except for that. Cop: Why? Lad: He's engaged to my fiancée. Cop: How do you know it's not you who's engaged to his fiancée? (Lad glares daggers at Cop) Shrink: We've been through that. (Looking at Posh) Ooh, that's a nasty gash there. I'll get my first aid kit (begins to root around in bag). Lad: What kind of person carries around a first aid kit? Shrink: A paranoid doctor does. Cop: A doctor? A doctor? You didn't mention that before, did you? Shrink: Well I guess it just slipped my mind. (Cop and Lad look at each other and shrug as if to say, "Fair enough,") Shrink: There we go. Cop: Is he supposed to stop breathing like that? Shrink: What? Cop: He's stopped breathing. Lad: He has as well. (Posh starts convulsing on the floor, choking silently) Shrink: Oh shit. He's having a reaction to the [medical jargon]. The bastard's allergic. Lad: Do something then! (At this point people are getting very panicky and talking very quickly and loudly) Shrink: He's choking on his own tongue. (Pretends to stick finger in Posh's mouth and root around) No, it's not going to come out. Lad: What do we do then? Shrink: We're going to have to perform a tracheotomy. Lad: You what? Shrink: We have to cut him an airhole. Lad: Where? Shrink: In his throat! Where did you think I meant - his bloody foot?? I need a knife and a biro. (Roots in pockets and finds biro) Do you have a knife?? Lad: No! Cop: I've got one. (Pulls out Swiss-Army knife from pocket) Use this. Shrink: No. Cop: What?? Why not? Shrink: I can't use knives. Not on people. I just pass out. Cop: Is that the reason why you became a bloody shrink, then? Shrink: Among others, yes! Cop: Okay, then. Tell me what to do. Shrink: Are you sure? Cop: Yes. Now hurry. Shrink: Okay. First, you need to make a hole in the cricothyroid cartilage. Cop: Where the Hell's that when it's at home?? Shrink: (Removes end of biro and cartridge to form a tube) There's a bump about an inch below the Adam's apple. See it? Cop: Got it. (Cop sticks knife into Posh's throat while Shrink is distracted. This will be covered, obviously [At least it will on the first of the two presentations]) Shrink: Okay. Now make a half-inch incision between the two bumps. Cop: (Shocked because he's done the wrong thing) Between the two bumps? Shrink: Right between them. Cop: I've already made it. But it's not between them. I thought you meant to do it on the lower bump. Lad: (Looking over Cop's shoulder) And that's a little more than half an inch (implying it's a lot more than half an inch). Shrink: What? (Looks at what Cop's done) Oh no. (Takes Posh's pulse) He's dead. Cop: (In denial) How? How can he be dead? Lad: You slitting his throat probably didn't help much. Cop: Oh and I suppose you beating him senseless did? Shrink: Stop it. He's dead and that's it. Pointing fingers at each other won't help. Lad: You're right. We should be pointing fingers at you. Shrink: What? Why? Cop: You were the one who poisoned him and caused him to choke. Shrink: But that's nonsense. I was only trying to help. You know that. Lad: That's not the way the jury will see it. Shrink: But... You're a policeman - they'll understand, won't they? Cop: I don't know. They don't look too kindly on doctors poisoning people. You'll probably lose your license at least. And I'll probably get the sack too. If not the slammer. Lad: You two have it easy. There's no way in a million years that any jury would let me go free after I beat someone to death. And in seemingly cold blood. Shrink: Oh, it wasn't cold blood. Cop: Yeah, he was engaged to your fiancée for God's sake. You did what any man would do. Lad: But still... There must be some way out. Someone else we can blame. Shrink: But who else is there? (Criminal enters) Criminal: What the bloody 'ell's goin' on? (Everyone looks at Criminal like they're about to eat him and the lights fade). Abstract Bit 6 For this last section, the stage will be bathed in normal light again. Cop, Lad and Shrink crouch around Posh's dead body in freeze-frame. Each one stands up to speak on their turn. When Criminal's turn comes, he walks onstage in front of the others and freezes when he's finished his soliloquy. Lad: I'm not proud of what I did today. Well, not properly proud. I beat someone to death - that's certainly something not many men can admit to. And I framed someone for murder. That someone's probably going to be in prison for life. Because of me. But it was someone I didn't know, I don't know and I never will know. It makes no difference to me what happens to him. Shrink: Medicine is a funny thing. It's designed to help people, to make them better. But in the wrong hands, or even in the right hands, it can make them worse. Even kill them. I found that out the hard way. Well, I found it out quite easily, but the consequences were serious for all involved. I still haven't slept and I've been having the odd hallucination. I thought about taking something for it, or even seeing a doctor. But I can't. I just don't trust them any more. Cop: (Toying with badge) For twenty-three years I've helped to preserve justice. (Gives a little laugh) Justice. I've seen people framed before, seen people wrongfully accused, even seen people sent to prison for it. And I know that if I'd turned up in court charged with sticking my knife into that guy's neck, I would have gone down for it. And never come up. It's a funny sort of justice if you ask me. And not one I want to work for any more. (Throws badge away in disgust). Criminal: (Criminal limps very obviously forwards when it is his turn to speak) Whatever happened in that carriage among those four men, none of them wanted to own up to it. Obviously, one of them couldn't, he was dead. But I did expect at least one of the others to. In court, I presented my case, explaining who I was and why I was on that train. And I gave my alibi, in front of the three other men alive on that train, witnesses that I was innocent. But they just stood by and lied through their teeth. In court. They'd seen nothing, they said. One of them even went so far as to say that he thought I had it in for that dead guy. Anyway, no-one believed a word I said and I was given twelve years. I was let off lucky, the judge said. So here I am. Not that bad a place, under normal circumstances. But being a known informant doesn't make it any easier. (Laughs to himself) Still, I got my new beginning. (Limps back to where he was standing in obvious pain and lights fade) THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE