HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN'S The Nightingale & The Emperor's New Clothes Adapted for the stage by David Hollywood [Copyright January 1997] CAST OLD MAN/THE EMPEROR THE EMPRESS, Letitia Gorgeous ALFONSO, THE CAVALIER/ MONSIEUR LE CHIC A LA MODE OOH LA LA RICHARD/THE ROCKINGBIRD THE NIGHTINGALE THE SETTING The action takes place in and around the Palace of the Emperor. SONGS "Overture" Instrumental "The Fairest in the Land” Empress and Cavalier "It's Easy to Find the Way” Richard, Empress & Cavalier "Will You be My Friend” The Nightingale "The Chase” Instrumental "Nightingale Theme” The Nightingale "The Rockingbird” Rockingbird and Cast "The Emperor's Parade” Instrumental "It's Easy to Find the Way” Cast PROLOGUE MUSIC: OVERTURE [An OLD MAN, dressed in rags, wanders onto the stage humming to himself.] OLD MAN: [to the audience] So, have you seen my friend? No? Well, my friend is around here somewhere. By, the way do you know where we are, exactly? No? This place looks familiar to me. I think I was here a long, long time ago...Yes. [becoming excited] I know where we are, now. This is the palace of the Emperor. Do you know the Emperor, I mean? Hmm...he was a real worry, no? Always thinking of himself... You see, the Emperor and his wife, the Empress, wanted to have the best of everything, so that people all over the world would say of them, "Aren't they magnificent? Aren't they hip, groovy, cool and truly wonderful?" Well? For a brief moment in those extraordinary days it almost seemed as if they were... SCENE 1 [The Throne Room of the Palace. A pile of cushions on top of gilded podium serves as a luxurious throne. To one side of the room is a large, ornate mirror. The Empress flitters into the throne room. She is followed by the sour-faced Cavalier. He makes faces at the Empress behind her back as she studies herself in the large mirror and reads aloud from one of the latest fashion magazines. ] EMPRESS: [finishing OLD MAN'S line as he exits]...the Best! Yes!!! The Best! It says so right here, Monsieur Cavalier! CAVALIER: [Sarcastically] In the Gutter press, Madame Empress! EMPRESS: All the same it's printed here in black and white that our kingdom has become the number one tourist destination on this planet. And why? CAVALIER: Why? EMPRESS: Because of me! CAVALIER: Oh! I should have guessed... SONG: THE FAIREST IN THE LAND BOTH: We have the best of everything and Everybody knows We have the tallest mountain and the reddest, reddest rose CAVALIER: The Palace is magnificent and everyone can see EMPRESS: That if you want the best in life, the best in life ain't free! CAVALIER: But nothing in this land compares to the beauty of our queen EMPRESS: Can it be true? Is it true? CAVALIER: Yes, it's so! Only a fool would dare insult your majesty EMPRESS: In every magazine you read, on every TV show You see my face a -beaming CAVALIER: With its cutest button nose EMPRESS: I can't help being popular I have adoring fans CAVALIER: You're more famous than... Michael Jackson? Darth Vader? Donald Duck? Pluto?... [Empress threatens him] They still say the fairest in the land EMPRESS: To have the best of everything it comes at great expense CAVALIER: That's why all around the kingdom there's an electrifying fence EMPRESS: And if you want to visit us you'll have to pass this test CAVALIER: Who is the fairest in the land? The Empress! Can't you guess? EMPRESS: Can it be true? Is it true? CAVALIER: Yes, it's so! Only a fool would dare insult your majesty EMPRESS: We have the best of everything and it is often said CAVALIER: That if you disagree with her then you might lose your head! EMPRESS: [sighing] Do you think one ever grows tired of being the centre of everyone's attention, Cavalier? CAVALIER: [not listening, reading the Empress' magazine] And yet, the greatest treasure in this magical kingdom is not gilt with gold or sparkling jewels. [the Empress , studying her reflection in the mirror, assumes the article refers to herself] In fact, in passing, it is unlikely that you would give it a second glance. But, its song is pure and true. [Empress sings a scale off key] It touches even the coldest of hearts. And all those who hear it are somehow changed forever...What is this mysterious creature that is so highly praised above all else in this fair land? EMPRESS: [modestly] C'est moi! Of course! CAVALIER: ...The Nightingale! EMPRESS: What?!? Praised above all else!?! Nothing in this land is more beautiful than I am! Where is my magic mirror? Mirror, mirror on the wall... CAVALIER: Your Majesty, please forgive me for saying so, but this is not "Snow White"... EMPRESS: I knew that! CAVALIER: [continuing]...Not today, anyway. [aside] Even though you would make a perfectly revolting witch... EMPRESS: What was that? CAVALIER: I was just saying you are such a gorgeous dish! EMPRESS: Oh, Alfonso! CAVALIER: Oh, Letitia! [They move to embrace. They are about to kiss when the Emperor bounds into the throne room dribbling his basket ball. The Cavalier and Empress inadvertently kiss the Emperor instead of each other. Realising what they have done, they pull away in disgust.] EMPEROR: [to audience] Hello! I'm the Emperor and I love playing games! [He proceeds to dash about the throne room perfuming tricks with the ball and trying to elicit some attention from the Cavalier and Empress.] EMPRESS: What is a Nightingale? And how do we kill it? [The Emperor gives up his futile attempt to interact with the Empress and Cavalier.] EMPEROR: Nightingale? Kill a nightingale? What is a nightingale? EMPRESS: Oh, darling, it's so lovely to see your smiling face again. Did you enjoy your nap? EMPEROR: I didn't have a nap! CAVALIER: So, you've been playing with your toys your Cheerfulness- ness! [aside] The Emperor has the greatest toy collection on Earth. EMPEROR: All my toys are boring! I threw them out the window! I've been jumping up and down on my king-size bed! Now what's all this about a Nightingale? EMPRESS: I have no idea. But, we have one. And we're going to kill it! CAVALIER: Strange, that we should only hear of this Nightingale now? EMPRESS: And in some trashy, foreign, fashion magazine, of all places? CAVALIER: Perhaps, there's no such thing as a nightingale. Perhaps, this is another one of those inventions by your enemies to make you look foolish, sire... EMPEROR: [who has been lying on his back , peddling an imaginary bicycle] What do you mean by... "make me look foolish?" I never look foolish. And anybody who dares to suggest such a thing will have some serious thinking time to do in the dungeons if they don't watch out! CAVALIER: Yes, your Exultancy. Sorry, your Marvellousness-ness... EMPRESS: [reading from the article] No. It says here, in black and white, that even the Emperor of Japan has heard the song of the Nightingale. EMPEROR: [outraged] Well, that does it! Even the Emperor of Japan knows about this Nightingale! I won't tolerate this humiliation any longer! Everybody on the entire planet knows about the Nightingale except me. I want the Nightingale brought here! To the Palace! Tonight! CAVALIER: Tonight, Most Excellent One? EMPEROR: Yes, Tonight! CAVALIER: But, it's raining outside... [The Emperor throws a temper tantrum.] EMPEROR: Monsieur Cavalier, either, the Nightingale is found and brought to the palace before Midnight, tonight, or the entire court will be assembled in this throne room, in their pyjamas. with all their servants, dogs, cats, budgerigars, goldfish and teddy bears and they shall be rewarded for their disloyalty to "moi" with a well-deserved trampling by the heard of royal elephants. CAVALIER: But, your Luxuriousness-ness, Don't you think the punishment is a trifle severe, your majesty? EMPRESS: How dare you question his authority! EMPEROR: Exactly! Now, bring me the Nightingale or prepare yourself for a new, if not somewhat deflated, perspective on life. CAVALIER: Did not your excellency state that the entire court would be assembled for the trampling? EMPEROR: I did! CAVALIER: Then, am I to understand that this order also applies to her royal highness, as well? EMPRESS: Don't be... EMPEROR: It does! EMPRESS: But Poopsy? EMPEROR: Silence!!! Bring me the Nightingale or... [The Emperor , imitating a stampeding elephant, chases the Cavalier and Empress from the throne room.] EMPEROR: I love being Emperor! [Cross-fade to forest at Night.] SCENE 2 SEGUE MUSIC: ENTERING THE FOREST AT NIGHT EMPRESS: So, where are we going to look for this Nightingale, then? CAVALIER: I don't know! EMPRESS: Well, Alfonso, this is a fine mess you've gotten us into! CAVALIER: You had to tell him about the Emperor of Japan, didn't you?! EMPRESS: Sooner or later he would have found out! CAVALIER: You should have kept your big mouth shut! EMPRESS: Oh, let's not argue , we're wasting time...Let's ask these nice young people [the audience] if they know where to find the Nightingale. Excuse me, darling, dearest, sweeties I am the Empress Letitia Gorgeous and this is the Emperor's Cavalier, Alfonso. How do you do? Now, we would like to ask you some questions. Firstly, do you know about the Nightingale? Yes? No? Hmmm... Secondly, do you know what a Nightingale is and where to find it? Yes? No? Hmmm... [Audience don't know or give silly answers... Empress and Cavalier can't make head or tails of the reply and shrug their shoulders] EMPRESS: I'm sorry, I didn't quite...What? Oh, Surely, somebody knows...Please!!! [Sound of elephant trumpeting offstage. Empress and Cavalier squeal with terror.] CAVALIER: [on knees begging, hysterically] Does anybody know where the Nightingale lives? You must tell us or we'll all be trampled by the heard of royal elephants! [Sound of more elephants trumpeting offstage. Empress and Cavalier squeal again. Empress kneels alongside Cavalier.] EMPRESS: Oh, I'm too pretty to be squashed! CAVALIER: And, I'm too witty.... RICHARD: [calling out from the back of the audience] Oh, stop all that caterwauling, you big babies! You want to find the nightingale? That's easy. BOTH C & E: You know the way? RICHARD: I do. CAVALIER: And who are you? RICHARD: My name's Richard. Now, if you want to find the Nightingale just follow me.... CAVALIER: Why? RICHARD: Because I know the way! EMPRESS: Is it very far? RICHARD: No. CAVALIER: Is it hard to get to? RICHARD: No. It's easy. CAVALIER: Nothing in this life is easy... RICHARD: But it is, if you know how... [The RICHARD leads the Empress and the Cavalier through the forest] SONG: IT'S EASY TO FIND THE WAY RICHARD: It's easy to find the way. It's easy to find the way Just follow your nose Don't step on your toes Don't ever be led astray It's easy to find the way. It's easy to find the way. It's easy to find the way So, let's give it a try You can run, you can fly There's no need to be afraid It's easy to find the way! It's easy, easy Easy to find the way It's easy, easy Easy to find the way You go to the end of the woods To the edge of the deep blue sea At the end of the woods, by the edge of the sea You will hear the bird sing Such a beautiful song from the top of the tallest tree R, C & E: It's easy to find the way. It's easy to find the way It's not very far If you follow your heart The light of the heart won't fade It's easy to find the way [RICHARD stops suddenly. Empress and Cavalier listen intently] [Sound of a Cow mooing.] EMPRESS: We've found it! Oh, isn't it wonderful! What a beautiful, haunting refrain! CAVALIER: Somehow, it's not quite how I imagined it. But, it does have a soothing effect.... RICHARD: They're Cows!!! CAVALIER: I knew that! EMPRESS: So did I! [aside to cavalier] What's a cow? RICHARD: Come on its getting dark and we've got a long way to go yet! [Ad lib lines and audience involvement "Easy to find the way, Hey!"] [Music Cue - RICHARD: Let's go!!] [The Empress and Cavalier follow the RICHARD deeper into the forest.] SONG: IT'S EASY TO FIND THE WAY reprise ALL: It's easy to find the way It's easy to find the way Just follow your nose Don't step on your toes Don't ever be led astray It's easy to find the way. [Sound of Frogs . The three travellers stop and listen.] CAVALIER: That's it! Oh, how melodiously, heavenly, splendidly, rhapsodically glorious and... RICHARD: [dead-pan] They're frogs!!! CAVALIER: I knew that. EMPRESS: Oh, let's get a move on. It's nearly midnight... [Sound of approaching elephants. The Empress and the Cavalier panic.] RICHARD: And, they're elephants! EMPRESS & CAVALIER: We know!!! [Richard follows The Empress and Cavalier as they exit in a panic...] SCENE 3 [The Throne Room . The bells of the clock tower are beginning to sound the midnight hour. The Emperor is pacing the floor as the Empress, the Cavalier and the Richard return from their quest in the nick of time.] EMPEROR: Well, it is nearly midnight! And the elephants are extremely restless! CAVALIER: Please sit down, your Glorious-ness-ness. EMPEROR: No, I won't sit until you answer me. Have you done what I asked of you? EMPRESS: Of course, darling! EMPEROR: [getting furious] Well then, where is it? I WANT TO SEE THE NIGHTINGALE! I WANT TO SEE IT NOW!!! RICHARD: There's no way the Nightingale's going to appear if you're going to carry on like that! EMPEROR: And, who are you? CAVALIER: Don't take any notice of him, your Importantness! EMPEROR: I wasn't going to! RICHARD: My name's Richard and you have to be quiet, very quiet if you don't want the Nightingale to get scared and fly away... EMPEROR: Oooooo-ahhhh!! [The Emperor ascends to the throne , sits and composes himself. The Empress and Cavalier assume their places beside the Emperor.] EMPEROR: Is that better? RICHARD: Much better! EMPEROR: Now, can we meet this Nightingale? RICHARD: We'll see... [RICHARD looks behind the screen and beckons to the Nightingale. The Nightingale enters and bows to the Emperor and Empress, then to the audience.] CAVALIER: It's a very plain looking bird! EMPRESS: This is what all the fuss is about?!?! It has to be a joke... CAVALIER: I did try to warn your majesty... RICHARD: Shhh...the Nightingale is going to sing. EMPRESS: [becoming ill-at-ease as the Nightingale's charms begin to take over] Shall we summon the chef, my dear? I've never tasted Nightingale pie? EMPEROR: [fascinated by the bird's movements] Shhh...the Nightingale is going to sing... [The Nightingale performs an exquisite song and dance. The beauty of the performance moves the Emperor to tears and leaves him spellbound.] SONG: WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND Will you be my friend? I'd like to be yours We can tell each other stories We can sing a silly song We can play all sorts of wonderful games We don't need much to be friends No, not much at all All we need is one another And we'll never be bored As we while away all these wonderful days If you're afraid of the dark And you're all on your own I will bring a lighted candle And we'll find the way home [Dance.] [The spell-bound Emperor steps towards the Nightingale and is drawn into the dance....] If you're afraid of the dark And you are all on your own I will bring a lighted candle And we'll find the way home I will bring a lighted candle and we'll find our way home EMPEROR: [crying] So, lovely! Just, beautiful! Can you ever forgive me? NIGHTINGALE: For what? EMPEROR: I was so rude to you before. Please... How can I make it up to you? Whatever your heart desires just name it and it shall be yours. Anything in my kingdom that you wish for, I bequeath it to thee... Gold? Jewels? Chocolates? A year's supply of vintage bird seed? NIGHTINGALE: But, you have rewarded me! EMPEROR: I don't understand. How, have I rewarded you? NIGHTINGALE: [whispering to the Emperor so the other's don't hear] You have shown me a tear. That is, by far, the greatest reward a singer can ever have. [the Nightingale lifts the tear from the Emperor's cheek and shows it to him. ] Now, if you'll excuse me, I am tired, it is late and I must bid you good night. EMPEROR: Oh, but you mustn't go. You have changed my life! You have stirred something deep down in my soul. [Empress and Cavalier smirk] I need you to stay and keep stirring away...[aside to Cavalier] Fetch the cage! NIGHTINGALE: I'm sorry, I cannot stay. The song I sing comes freely, as I fly from tree to tree. It cannot be turned on like a tap, or off like an alarm clock according to your need...I may visit you from time to time, but I can never ever stay... Don't you see? EMPEROR: [suddenly furious] I am the Boss around here! And, I always get my way! No one dares to disobey me! I command you to stay!!! RICHARD: The Nightingale lives in the forest. The Nightingale needs to fly free. You can't make the Nightingale stay in a palace! [to Nightingale] Quick, fly away! Go back to the forest! Go back to the trees... CAVALIER: [returning with the cage, grabs the Nightingale from behind] You will never ever leave!!! [The RICHARD stamps on the Cavalier's foot. The Cavalier releases the Nightingale. The Empress chases the bird with her butterfly net...] CHASE MUSIC SLAPSTICK CHASE SEQUENCE: The Empress, Emperor and Cavalier versus the Nightingale and Richard. The Chase concludes as the Cavalier and the Empress grab the Nightingale from behind and thrust it into a gilded cage. Then, they gag Richard and bind his hands EMPEROR: There, now! I am the Emperor! It is my wish that you stay. It is my wish that you sing. I always get my way! I command you to sing. [The Nightingale sings plaintively in the background] REPRISE: NIGHTINGALE THEME I am the Nightingale and I'll sing for you And I will be your friend if you want me to I can sing my little song I will sing it all day long I am the nightingale, the little nightingale Singing my song for you.... [The Emperor reclines on the throne and sighs....] EMPRESS: [to Cavalier] Did you hear all that? He was going to give that funny little grey nothing of a bird anything it's heart desired for a song! Anything! He wouldn't do that much for me if I sang him a song! CAVALIER: [aside] That's understandable... EMPRESS: What do you mean by that? I have been told I have perfect pitch. Mi...mi...mi...mi...mi...[coughs and splutters] CAVALIER: [aside again] Who told you that? A duck? You are right, though. He would have given away the entire kingdom for a song... Now, if only we had a bird of our own who could sing like that! [Cavalier studies RICHARD. RICHARD can do little more than whimper.] EMPRESS: What are you saying? CAVALIER: Never mind. Just leave everything to me... [Cavalier drags Richard from the room. The Empress follows. The Emperor remains perched on the Throne, sighing and dreaming as he listens to the Nightingale's Song...] NIGHTINGALE: There is nothing in this world that I'd rather see Then your face when it is smiling, smiling at me We could play all sorts of wonderful games SCENE 4 [The Empress drags the cage away from the Emperor .] EMPRESS: [to Nightingale] For crying out loud, can't you sing something cheerful for a change! What's wrong with you? Night after night, day after day, month after month, it's always the same....Sad, sad, beautifully, painfully sad, sad song... Well, I've had enough! [to Emperor] Either that bird goes, or I go! What's it to be? [The Emperor blows his nose into his hanky and waves good-bye to the Empress.] EMPEROR: Bye-bye, my dear! [The Emperor exits to prepare for bed.] [The Cavalier enters, wheeling a large, decorated crate into the room . The Empress, outraged by her husband's response, runs at the bird-cage like a wild cat.] CAVALIER: [dragging the Empress to one side] Don't be a fool! He'll have your head on a plate before he gives up the Nightingale! But, I have a plan... [indicates the crate and takes out a glittering helmet] EMPRESS: Ooohhh! What is that? What does it do?? CAVALIER: [to the audience] This!... [The Emperor enters in nightcap brushing his teeth. The Cavalier hides the helmet in his voluminous coat and leads the Empress aside.] CAVALIER: This!... [The Emperor crosses to bid the Nightingale good-night. The Cavalier moves to another part of the room and tries again.] CAVALIER: This!... [The Emperor has crossed back to the throne and tucks himself in with a large Teddy. The Cavalier tries for the third time to explain his plan. The Emperor snores.] CAVALIER: This is the helmet of silver and gold Whoever shall wear it is in my control By pushing these buttons you make your request The music you hear will be simply the best So now that you've seen it, don't say a word For I am about to change little Richard into my mechanical bird CAVALIER: [to Nightingale] Okay, it's time to get rid of this dull bird and replace it with a version all our own!!! Ha-ha-ha.... [The Cavalier opens the crate. Richard is inside , struggling to break free - hands tied and mouth gagged. Only the audience and the Nightingale can see him. The Nightingale begins to sing loudly, sounding the alarm. ] CAVALIER: Be quiet, or you will never see your little friend again! [The Emperor begins to stir.] NIGHTINGALE: Boys and girls, help me wake up the Emperor. Call out "Wakey! Wakey! Rise and Shine! Wakey! Wakey! Rise and Shine!" [The Emperor continues to snore loudly] [The Cavalier threatens the Nightingale and the audience with his water pistol, then takes the helmet from the Empress and places the helmet on Richard's head. He flicks some switches and lights flash across the visor. Richard ceases to struggle and assumes the posture of a mechanical bird - the Rockingbird.] [The Nightingale is horrified] [The Empress and Cavalier dress Richard in gold-plated armour - completing the picture of the Rockingbird] CAVALIER: Now, for the finishing touches. When the Emperor sees our beautiful mechanical Rocking Bird and when he hears him sing... [to the Nightingale] he will have no need of you and he will offer me everything! [The Nightingale rattles the cage and tries to un-pick the lock.] [The Cavalier coughs and the Emperor wakes up] EMPEROR: Oh! Oh! What's going on? What have we here? CAVALIER: Your Royal Incredibleness-ness! [Price is Right-style] It's a New Toy!!! Yes, even the Emperor of Japan doesn't have one of these... EMPEROR: What is it? What is it? Let me see! Look little Nightingale it's another bird...a funny golden bird... EMPRESS: But, unlike the Nightingale this one is very pretty! EMPEROR: Ooooh, it is beautiful! CAVALIER: And unlike the Nightingale it will never grow old... EMPEROR: What do you mean? What does it do? Can it sing and dance? CAVALIER: Can it sing and dance? By pushing these buttons you can hear any song that has ever been written, see any choreography that has ever been choreographed. Would you care for a demonstration? EMPEROR: Ooh, yes, please! Then I want a go!!! CAVALIER: Boys and girls, we invite you to join in. You may clap. You may dance whatever takes your fancy... Now here we go...Start clapping now! [The Cavalier switches on the remote and the mechanical bird whirs into life. Cavalier , Emperor and Empress do backing vocals as song develops into a big production number...] SONG AND DANCE OF THE ROCKINGBIRD I'm a Rocking bird I can sing and I can dance I can do a Super Tango if you give me half a chance I can play a waltz But I can't do the splits You can even get me going with a flick of a switch Yeah, I'm a Rockingbird A Rockingbird If it's a back beat and you choose it I play every kind of music I'm the Rocking Bird Take some Mozart here Add some cha-cha there A little bit of jazz With a touch of Fred Astaire Whatever your mood I can break it like that I can even sing like Elvis but I'll never get fat Cause I'm a Rockingbird A Rocking bird If it's a back beat and you choose it I play every kind of music I'm the Rocking Bird [The Cavalier stops the bird] CAVALIER: Now for something really entertaining [He programs the Rocking bird to sing "Figaro"] The Empress is unimpressed. She steals the controls and selects a fifties ballad - "Blue Moon". The Emperor grabs the controls and selects a jazzy version of "Twinkle, twinkle little Star" The Cavalier snatches back the controls and selects "Beethoven's 5th". The Rockingbird switches, effortlessly, from one style of performance to another. Finally, the Empress regains control and selects a Rock'n'roll classic: "Twist and Shout." EMPEROR: Oh, it's absolutely wonderful. I must have it. How much is it? CAVALIER: For you, your Majesty. The price is....drum roll please! [Rockingbird obliges with drum roll] Half your kingdom! EMPEROR: Half my kingdom? CAVALIER: That's what I said and I should say that's a very reasonable price for such a rare and truly exceptional property. Why, you'll be the envy of every other Emperor in the entire civilised world! EMPEROR: Yes, but...Half My Kingdom? CAVALIER: Oh, well! I'm sure the Emperor of Japan will jump at such a bargain! EMPEROR: I'll take it! CAVALIER: Sign here! [hands Emperor paper and pen] EMPEROR: Now, it's my turn. I want a go! [Emperor begins to manipulate the controls. The Rockingbird accidentally crashes into the bird cage containing the Nightingale. The cage door unlatches] EMPEROR: I guess it takes a while to get the hang of the controls? CAVALIER: Would you like me to take over? EMPEROR: NO!!! It's mine!!! [The Rockingbird begins to perform again. The Nightingale creeps out of the cage, unseen] SONG AND DANCE OF THE ROCKINGBIRD reprise I'm a Rocking bird I can sing and I can dance I can do a Super Tango if you give me half a chance I can play a waltz But I can't do the splits You can even get me going with a flick of a switch [The Nightingale dashes to Richard and pecks at the helmet] Yeah, I'm a Rockingbird...a Rocking...Rocking...Rocking... CAVALIER: Shoo! Go away you nasty bird! NIGHTINGALE: Your majesty! Your Majesty! It's a trick... It isn't a bird at all! It's Richard! It's Richard, the boy! CAVALIER: Obviously insanely jealous of the New Bird On the Block! EMPRESS: I say, we Shar-pen the Knives and call for the Chef! EMPEROR: Oh, no! We mustn't kill the Nightingale... EMPRESS: All the same, the Nightingale must be punished. CAVALIER: The Nightingale is no longer your friend NIGHTINGALE: But I am...I am always your friend... EMPRESS: Some friend! You were going to destroy the Emperor's favourie toy! I say, we Shar-pen Knives!!! CAVALIER: Execution may prove fatal. Perhaps eternal exile will teach the bird a lesson? EMPEROR: Yes, I like that much better. Nightingale, you are henceforth-with banished from this kingdom "ipso facto in toto maximus in pluribus! NIGHTINGALE: But... EMPEROR: That is my final word! Now, where's that remote control? I don't think I've ever had so much fun...Let's try a limbo next.... EMPRESS: [to Nightingale] Go back to your tree, Bird! And get yourself some coloured feathers! [The Cavalier and Empress exit with the cage. The Rocking bird begins to leave with the Emperor] The Nightingale sings to the Emperor. NIGHTINGALE THEME I am the Nightingale and I will sing for you And I will be your friend if you want me to [The Emperor listens for a moment , and is about to change his mind, when he remembers the Rockingbird. He follow the Rockingbird.] [The Nightingale exits forlornly...] I can sing my little song I will sing it all day long I am the nightingale, the little nightingale Singing for you.... SCENE 5 [The Cavalier enters with the signed contract, laughing hysterically. The Empress follows.] CAVALIER: Look, Letitia, he's signed over half his kingdom! What a piece of cake! Now, all we've got to do is to get him to sign over the other half and then I'll be the Emperor! EMPRESS: How are you going to get him to do that? He may be stupid but he's not a complete fool! CAVALIER: We'll see. He'll do anything to be the best, to be centre of attention... [The Cavalier disguises himself as , Monsieur Chic a la Mode Ooh la la , Fashion Designer to the rich and famous: moustache and robe] EMPRESS: What are you doing? CAVALIER: Madame Empress, I would like you to meet Monsieur le Chic a la Mode Ooh la la....Fashion Designer to the Rich and Famous, here to design for his majesty zee most spectacular, zee most exquisite, zee most talked about clothing that there has ever been seen on zee world stage. [Enter the Emperor, operating the Rockingbird with his remote control] EMPEROR: What's all this? What's all this? EMPRESS: Why darling, this is .... CAVALIER: Monsieur le Chic a la Mode Ooh la la....Fashion Designer to the Rich and Famous. Mais Oui, but you have not heard of me? Ce n'est pas possible! EMPEROR: Well, there is something familiar about you... CAVALIER: Excusez, moi! There is nothing "familiar" about Monsieur le Chic a la Mode Ooh la la. Everything about "moi" - C'est formidable! Perhaps, you are not worthy of my talents. Perhaps, I should put away my little tape measure and, perhaps I should go. EMPRESS: Go where? CAVALIER: The Emperor of Japan... EMPEROR: Wait. You mustn't go. I command you to stay... CAVALIER: No-one tells Monsieur le Chic what to do! I go!!! EMPEROR: I'm sorry...Please, don't go! I'll do anything you say, but I must see the clothes. CAVALIER: There is nothing to see! EMPEROR: What? CAVALIER: I haven't made them yet. But I can show you the fabric. Ohh.... the colours, like shimmering rainbows woven into sheets of delicategossamer - threads finer than the finest silk, wisps of angel's hair.. But, I must warn you... EMPEROR: Yes? CAVALIER: "...not only are the colours and patterns uncommonly beautiful, but clothes made of the stuff possess the wonderful quality that they become invisible to anyone who is unfit for office or anyone who is incorrigibly stupid" EMPEROR: Do you mean, if I wore those clothes I could tell who was doing their job properly and I could tell the clever from the stupid. I bet I'd catch that Cavalier out! I must have these clothes! How much for a suit of clothes made from the stuff? CAVALIER: They are very expensive. EMPEROR: Yes. How much? I'll pay... CAVALIER: The price is half of your kingdom, and that is a bargain. EMPRESS: Darling, you must have them. You'll be the talk of the known universe! Why no-one will ever forget you! You can wear the new Clothes in Saturday's Parade!!! CAVALIER: Just sign here...[offers contract] EMPEROR: Oh, I don't know what to do... CAVALIER: Oh, well. I guess I can come back another day. Now when does the next Steamer depart for Japan? EMPEROR: Okay! I'll do it! [signs] EMPRESS: Hooray!!!! EMPEROR: Show me the fabric! [The Cavalier mimes displaying fabric. Sinister music. The Emperor gasps at seeing nothing!] EMPEROR: [aside] Mercy preserve us...I cannot see anything at all. CAVALIER: [taking the Emperor's measurements while he talks] It takes your breath away, doesn't it? You must admit there has been nothing quite like it, ever! EMPEROR: You're right! Nothing is quite like it! [aside] And, if I can't see it then I am a fool and unfit to be King. EMPRESS: Isn't it wild darling? So soft and light as a feather! Why, you'd hardly know it was there! What do you thinkof the colour? Do you think it suits me? EMPEROR: It's very... EMPRESS: Yes? EMPEROR: Colourful! EMPRESS: In a subtle sort of way! EMPEROR: Very subtle... CAVALIER: Except for the swirling, iridescent gashes of scarlet and vermilion over there...[whips fabric away from Empress] Now I think we should start! [Cavalier takes out scissors and begins to cut the air., Rocking bird assisting.] CAVALIER: Stand back! I am a genius! EMPRESS: Darling, we should leave Monsieur le Chic a la Mode Ooh la la alone while he does his thing! [Empress leads the nervous Emperor off. The Cavalier is left in the throne room with the Rockingbird. The Nightingale returns and watches from a hiding place.] CAVALIER: [kissing the signed contracts and jumping for joy] He did it! He signed away both halves of his kingdom! [to Rockingbird] What are you staring at? [Cavalier points remote at Rockingbird, switches him off and exits. The Nightingale, disguised, tip toes into the throne room .] NIGHTINGALE: Shhh...it's me. I'm wearing a disguise so no-one will recognise me. [The Nightingale tries to remove the helmet] NIGHTINGALE: It won't come off! What am I going to do? I've got to get the Cavalier to change Richard back into a boy. How can I do that? [to the audience] Will you help me? You will! The Emperor only sees what he wants to see! Maybe if we work together we can help to open his eyes... [The Nightingale hides at the sound of the Emperor returning. The Emperor is followed by Empress, Cavalier and Rockingbird. The three attendants carry invisible articles of clothing] EMPRESS: Now, Poopsy, you must let us help you to dress! The entire population is gathered outside the palace to watch the parade. The royal elephants have had their toe nails cut, especially. What a glorious day! I can't remember the last time I was so inspired by such a sense of occasion! CAVALIER: [German accent] This is no time for this idle chittering of the chatterings. Off with zee clothes! EMPEROR: I can't get changed in the the throne room! CAVALIER: Then go behind the screen! [The Emperor goes behind the screen and starts to remove his clothes.] EMPRESS: [in hysterics] The word is out. All over the kingdom they know the story of the Emperor's New Clothes and everyone who has seen them remarks how lovely they are. The Dukes raved, "Such value for money! And what impeccable taste your majesty." The Duchesses pretended to be so impressed that they have ordered ball gowns made of the stuff. But there is no stuff! There is no stuff! Nobody wants to admit to being a fool and unfit for office! CAVALIER: Tish! Tish! Shhhh... Now, let's get it over with! [The Empress, Cavalier and Rockingbird go behind the screen and pretend to dress the Emperor. We can see all this as a silhouette. (?)] EMPRESS: Okay, darling...the moment of truth has come. Lift your arms... EMPEROR: Oooh, that tickles! EMPRESS: Just one more button to do...Not too tight, darling? EMPEROR: No! It's just like a second skin - fits like a glove! CAVALIER: Voila! C'est finis! C'est magnifique! C'est formidable! I am truly a genius! This is a masterpiece! A work of Art! No? EMPRESS: It really is you, darling! I don't think I've ever seen you looking more like yourself! Monsieur, le Chic you have outdone yourself. CAVALIER: Bien sur! And, now for the Parade! [The Cavalier invites members of the audience to take part in the parade. He lines then up, inspects them and rehearses their march.] CAVALIER: Monsieur le Rockingbird we are ready. Lead them astray ! MUSIC: THE EMPEROR'S PARADE [The Rockingbird leads the children on a march around the stage] CAVALIER: A round of applause for the marchers! And now please welcome her majesty, Letitia Gorgeous wearing an off-the- shoulder burlap sack! [The Empress enters and parades before the audience] CAVALIER: And now for the moment we have all been waiting for. Wearing a truly original "Ala Mode, Ooh la la creation" - the Emperor!!! Ladies and Gentlemen - the Emperor!!! [The Emperor does not appear.] CAVALIER: [agitated] Please talk amongst yourselves.... [The Cavalier goes behind the screen and gives an abrupt "Oiii!!!" to the Emperor.] CAVALIER: Ladies and Gentlemen...The Emperor!!! [The Emperor appears with orb and sceptre in nothing but his underwear. He struts along the red carpet, waving proudly] NIGHTINGALE: [calling out from the audience]The Emperor has nothing on! Just his underwear! [The Emperor stops dead in his tracks]. EMPEROR: [to the audience] Is it true? NIGHTINGALE: Tell him boys and girls! [The Emperor runs and hides. The Cavalier and Empress leave the room laughing hysterically.] SCENE 6 [The Emperor hides behind the throne.] [The Rockingbird tries to console him with a little bit of a song ] "When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favourite things and then I don't feel..." The Emperor throws a teddy at the Rockingbird which knocks him out of action. MUSIC: THE EMPEROR'S PARADE becomes a funeral march... [The Cavalier and Empress walk towards the Emperor, slowly - in a sinister procession. As he approaches the throne, the Cavalier peels off the false moustache and removes the disguise] CAVALIER: You see, you really aren't fit for the office of King. You really are a fool. EMPEROR: You shall pay for what you have done! CAVALIER: [laughing takes crown from the Emperor and places it on his own head] And, who's going to make me? The Emperor? I am the Emperor now! Or should I say - President. EMPRESS: You gave away the kingdom, my sweet. You gave it to the Cavalier. [The Cavalier puts on the crown.] CAVALIER: And now you have nothing! EMPEROR: Can I keep the Rockingbird? [The Cavalier takes off the helmet.] CAVALIER: It's not even a bird... [RICHARD is disoriented and looks about confused.] EMPEROR: That was a trick too? And I banished my one true friend? EMPRESS: Better put on some rags, Dear...Can't have you strolling around the streets in your under wear. People might think that you're crazy! EMPEROR: [to Empress] You're in on this, too? Why? EMPRESS: You could have done so much more when you were the Boss, but all you wanted to do was play with your toys. The Cavalier will make a much better Emperor than you could ever be...And I'll be his Queen! CAVALIER: Well, I'm not so sure about that! EMPRESS: WHAT?!?!?! CAVALIER: You're such a mean and nasty person, really! And besides you cramp my style. [The Cavalier walks off snickering.] EMPRESS: FONSO!!! Come back here! I haven't finished talking to you!!! [The Cavalier returns with a custard pie behind his back.] CAVALIER: Yes? What is it you would like to say to me? EMPRESS: You...you...you... CAVALIER: Cat got your tongue? Never mind. I have something for you... You might think of it as a little parting gift... [He rubs the pie in her face. The Empress is furious. She scrapes off the pie and runs from the room...] [The Cavalier notices the Emperor hiding behind the throne.] CAVALIER: Oh, you're still here? Go on,....Pssst! On your bike...Bye- bye... That's a good boy, now... EPILOGUE [The Emperor leaves the throne room and begins to put on the rags. of the Old Man. The plaintive melody of "The Nightingale Theme" pierces the gloom] EMPEROR: I miss the Nightingale. I miss my feathered friend I wish that you were here, back with me again We could sing a silly song We could sing it all day long I miss the nightingale, my little nightingale... The nightingale sings from the auditorium NIGHTINGALE: If you're afraid of the dark and you are all on your own I will bring a lighted candle and we'll find our way home I will bring as lighted candle and we'll find our way home... [The Nightingale arrives with a lighted candle] EMPEROR: You've come back. Why? After all that I said and did to you? I put you in a cage. I treated you shamefully. And yet, you've come back. Why? NIGHTINGALE: You're my friend... EMPEROR: I can't be your friend. I don't have any friends. NIGHTINGALE: Why? EMPEROR: I only think about myself! I don't care about anybody else! I want everything my way! I'm selfish and stupid! I'm not a very nice person! NIGHTINGALE: Well, you don't have to be my friend, but I will always be yours EMPEROR: You've given me so much! I wish there was some way I could repay you? NIGHTINGALE: [catching a tear on the Emperor's cheek] You don't need to repay me... You already have. Thank you. [They hug] RICHARD: See! You do care!!! NIGHTINGALE: Come on, friend! Let's go on an adventure! EMPEROR: Where to? RICHARD & NIGHTINGALE: JAPAN!?! EMPEROR: [amused and excited] JAPAN!!! [The Nightingale finishes dressing the Emperor ...] RICHARD: And from that day forward the Nightingale visited the Emperor every day. And though he did not live in the palace anymore, and his clothes were plain and grey like the feather's of his friend, the Emperor was a very happy man and he lived to a ripe old age. And so did his friend... MUSIC UNDER "EASY TO FIND THE WAY" Oh, and the Cavalier and the Empress...Well, the republic didn't last long. The citizen's revolted when the President banned birthdays because, he said, the only birthday worth celebrating was his. Now he has a job cleaning out the royal elephant pens. And the Empress? She gave up royalty for good and became a huge success, making and selling her own brand of exotic pies. Not nightingale, I'm pleased to say... NIGHTINGALE: Come on RICHARD we've got a long way to go... SONG: IT'S EASY TO FIND THE WAY reprise ALL: It's easy to find the way. It's easy to find the way It's not very far If you follow your heart The light of the heart won't fade It's easy to find the way Bows music - signature tunes for each character as they enter and bow Richard: Rockingbird Song Empress: The Fairest In the Land Cavalier: Ooh-la-la Music Nightingale: Nightingale Theme Emperor: The Parade Encore. ALL: It's easy to find the way. It's easy to find the way Just follow your nose Don't step on your toes Don't ever be led astray It's easy to find the way It's easy, easy Easy to find the way It's easy, easy Easy to find the way It's easy to find the way. It's easy to find the way It's not very far If you follow your heart The light of the heart won't fade It's easy to find the way THE END