THE PRESENT A One-Act Play by Steve Kandell copyright 1997 (213) 462-5745 CAST OF CHARACTERS James: A currently unemployed bartender in his early thirties. He is good- looking and brawny, but he is constantly rumpled and disheveled. His greatest concern for the moment is winning back the favor of his disgruntled wife, and has devoted his time and efforts to this endeavor rather than actively seek a paying gig. Despite his noble intentions, things have a way of not working out for James. Pauline: Naturally beautiful, no matter how tired or frumpy she might think she is. She is depressed about turning twenty-five and being so far off from the life she thought she was going to have at that age. Pauline works as an orderly in a hospital near Durham, North Carolina, short of the goal of becoming a doctor that still seemed attainable a few long years ago. When she met James, she was a bright pre-med student at UNC-Chapel Hill whose academic motivations were no match for her desire to run around and have fun. She fell in love with James and quickly forgot about anything in her life except for him. Now she is finally realizing what she has given up, and holds him personally responsible. In the process of dealing with her depression, she has unearthed some long-buried demons. Scene The Gelding home, in the mountains about thirty miles away from Durham, North Carolina. THE PRESENT SETTING: The set on the right side is the interior of a small house: a tiny kitchen and a living room. The left side of the stage is dark. This is the backyard. A tree is draped with "Happy Birthday" banners. AT RISE: It is evening. JAMES stands at the kitchen counter before a homemade birthday cake, sticking twenty-five candles into the thick white frosting. Despite his considerable efforts, the cake looks like shit, misshapen, sloppily frosted, and burnt. The same can be said for JAMES himself, actually. It must be a special occasion because he is wearing a clip-on tie with his flannel shirt, and has even tucked the shirt into his dusty jeans. He fiddles with his lighter, a yellow disposable Bic, but nothing's doing. He opens drawers, desperately looking for matches. The sound of a car pulling into the driveway quickens his pace. He grabs coupons from a top drawer with his right hand and lights the stove with his left. The car door slams shut. He then holds the coupons above the flame from the oven and makes a little torch. The sound of someone entering the front door can be heard. With the makeshift torch, he lights all of the candles in a quick swipe, throws the smoldering coupons down the sink and lets the water run. Thick gray smoke billows from the sink basin. He rests the cake on the counter He darts out of the kitchen and into the modest living room, checking to see that everything is in order. Crepe paper ribbon adorns the ceiling, On the wall is a "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" game with a picture of JAMES' face taped over the donkey's face. JAMES ducks behind the yard sale trophy couch. The pretty but tired-looking PAULINE enters. She crinkles her nose as she tosses a duffle bag on the floor. The sleeve of a hospital orderly's uniform reaches from the duffle bag. She collapses onto the couch. JAMES Surprise! (PAULINE does not so much as blink.) PAULINE Yeah, didn't know you were gonna be here. What stinks? JAMES Getting older? (She fishes into her pocket, pulls out a slightly crushed soft pack of Marlboro Lights, but the one remaining cigarette is broken in half. From his spot behind the couch, JAMES hands her a lit cigarette.) JAMES How was work? PAULINE Thrown up on. Twice. JAMES Happy birthday. PAULINE Yeah, yeah. Eighteen hour shift. Damn. JAMES Whaddaya think of the decorations? (PAULINE looks at the "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" poster on the wall, but her expression and tone do not change.) PAULINE Yeah. You're an ass. I get it. (He laughs, hoping she will follow. She doesn't. JAMES stands up.) JAMES Hungry? PAULINE Not even a little. JAMES Oh, 'cause I made you something. (JAMES darts into the kitchen.) PAULINE (calling after him) Something like a burned devil's food cake with white frosting? (JAMES reenters holding the blazing cake.) JAMES (deflated) Something like that. (beat) Please don't make me feel like shit for trying to do something nice for you today. As down as you've been, now I'm just trying to... PAULINE Don't try. It's annoying. (JAMES saunters over to her on the couch. PAULINE fidgets uncomfortably as he comes closer.) JAMES Want me to? PAULINE Go nuts. (He places the cake on the coffee table and pulls off her sensible shoes and clingy tube socks, liberating her trapped feet. He's trying to look relaxed, but he is clearly preoccupied by something. He keeps glancing nervously towards the back of the house. She grunts approvingly as he starts kneading her feet.) JAMES Guess who I spoke to this--- PAULINE Shh...Harder. (There is a beat of silence as PAULINE closes her eyes and seems to relax for the first time.) JAMES But guess who I spoke to--- PAULINE (rolling her eyes, annoyed) Pinky. She's opening a new place in Durham and as soon as they're done fixing it up, you're gonna work there. JAMES Seems you know everything tonight. PAULINE Well, I've heard it all before, James. Anyway, Pinky's in New York and I know you didn't talk to her, so just stop embarrassing yourself. JAMES Did you have one of those appointments today? PAULINE Tomorrow. Hey, thanks, I almost went five minutes without thinking about that shit. I knew I kept you around for something. JAMES I'm sorry, I just...Do you ever talk about me in those...things? PAULINE Yeah, a lot. (JAMES smiles, but the smile fades when he realizes that this might not be a good thing. He lifts her foot to his nose.) JAMES Stinky. PAULINE (sarcastic) Never heard that one before. JAMES Don't be cranky, Pauly. PAULINE Fuck you. (PAULINE softens as the massage continues. JAMES knows this and moves in closer to her, starting to nuzzle her ear.) JAMES (into her ear) I got you something. (PAULINE brushes her fingers across the back of his neck and closes her eyes.) JAMES (CONT.) I got you something. (PAULINE snaps out of it, grabbing JAMES' hair at the back of his head and yanking him away.) PAULINE I said I didn't want anything. JAMES And I said, bullshit. Why is it so hard for you to understand that this is important to me? PAULINE It's my birthday, James. It's supposed to be important to me. And I said I didn't want anything. JAMES Nobody ever means that when they say it on their birthday. Everybody wants something. PAULINE Well, I don't. We can't afford anything worth buying anyway. I don't want anything. Take it back. JAMES I can't take it back. (PAULINE'S eyes drift to strips of wide pink ribbon strewn around the floor. She slowly rises from the couch and starts walking towards the stairs.) PAULINE (off ribbon) You wrapped it? JAMES Sure. It's a present. PAULINE You couldn't wrap a gift to save your life. It's probably a goddamned mess. (She's just joking around with him, but there is a tone to her voice that does not seem playful in the least. He picks up the ribbon from the floor.) JAMES Why are you being like this? PAULINE Settle down, I'm fucking exhausted. So, I suppose this is what you went off to take care of at 5 AM yesterday morning. (JAMES nods.) PAULINE (CONT.) Yes, much better you spend your time like that instead of looking for another job. JAMES When Pinky... PAULINE STOP! This is supposed to be a special day for me, right? JAMES Of course. PAULINE 'Cause it sure sounds like every other fucking day. You want to really do something different for me? JAMES Yeah. PAULINE Then let's not have this conversation for a change. How's that? JAMES Fine. PAULINE That would be a nice present. JAMES OK. (Beat) But there's more... (He picks up the cake, stands, and clears his throat. This is his big moment.) JAMES (CONT.) There's something I need for you to understand about what I'm about to give you. Your present. Now, this present might strike you as odd at first, but you have to understand where I'm coming from here. I'm sort of desperate... (She snickers.) JAMES (CONT.) But I think I got you something we could both use... PAULINE You know what we could use? We could use toothpaste. We still got those coupons in the drawer, right? JAMES ...something you've wanted for a very long time. (PAULINE'S eyes bug out and she springs out of her seat. The cigarette falls out of her hand, and in her outburst, does not notice it smoldering into the couch.) PAULINE Oh, shit! The loan! We got the loan, I can go... (He tries to stifle her enthusiasm as he struggles through his presentation. ) JAMES Hang on. It's not...that. Just hear me out, OK? I'm worried, I've been worried for a while now. About us. (He tries to conceal the fact that he is rolling up his left sleeve so he can see the blue ink scrawled on his palm and forearm. It is an awkward maneuver, as he is still holding the flaming cake. PAULINE recovers the wayward cigarette butt and picks at the new burn in the couch. There are others.) PAULINE James... JAMES I'm sorry, but I have to speak now and you're going to have to resist the urge to not let me, for once. 'Cause this is important, to me at least. I feel like I've been doing this speech in my mind a million times and I'd like it to sound at least a little like it now that I'm actually giving it. OK. I thought long and hard about what I could get you that would be really special, you know? (His eyes dart nervously from the words on his hand to PAULINE. JAMES takes a deep breath and begins again. He comes off stiff, as if he is reciting lines rather than speaking from the heart. PAULINE lights a fresh cigarette from a pack in her bag.) JAMES (CONT.) I know this whole thing's coming apart, and I don't want to go down without a fight... PAULINE Charge! JAMES Goddammit, Pauline. Do you really have so little regard for me that when I tell you that I have something important to say and that I need you to just sit silently and hear me out you pay no mind at all? Does anything I ask from you hold any weight anymore? Now just listen to me. I want to save this, I just wasn't able to figure how. I want things to be the way they were, even the way we used to think they could be. I know it might sound stupid, or melodramatic, but I think I got you a present that might be able to do that if you just... accept it in the spirit in which it's given. (He lets out a deep sigh. That was it. He waits for her reaction and hopes that it resembles the one he has pictured in his mind a million times.) PAULINE I bet you really liked that. Raising your voice and all. Putting me in my place the way you did, you Big Strong Man, you. Did you? JAMES No, wait. That's not--- PAULINE Did you, James? You're practically bursting out of your Wranglers there. Did you like taking control there? Like how that felt? JAMES God, no, that's not what I was doing, you know that. I wasn't trying to... "take control." You know that, right? I'm sorry. I'm just trying to do something special for you is all. PAULINE I'm going to bed. JAMES (adamantly) No, you can't! PAULINE The hell I can't. Watch me. An eighteen hour day, James, and another one just like it starting in just a few hours. I don't expect you to really understand what that means, being as unfamiliar as you are with the concept of work... JAMES It's always slow this time of year. PAULINE "This time of year" has lasted for nearly four months. What time of year is that exactly? Is there really a slow season for bartenders? (JAMES does not fight back. This is the "conversation" PAULINE said she idn't want to have. She lights a new cigarette with the butt of the old one.) PAULINE (CONT.) I'm not in the mood for this Happy Birthday bullshit. I'm going to bed. JAMES Shit! PAULINE What? JAMES Nothing. I... nothing. Go to bed. I'll figure it out. PAULINE Figure what out? Christ, just give me the fucking present tomorrow. I'm not gonna appreciate it now anyway. Goddamn drama queen. (She stands before the cake, closing her eyes in concentration as she inhales deeply on the Marlboro Light. JAMES studies her and tries to determine whether her wish is for him to disappear, or whether he even factors into the wish at all. She leans forward and blows, cigarette smoke spewing out all over the cake. Only three candles go down. She blows again, this time eliciting a small, lungy cough. Two more candles go out.) PAULINE Well, you get the picture. I'm not gonna do the other twenty, I'll pass away. Good night. (She gives her husband a chaste peck on the cheek, then disappears upstairs.) JAMES Shit! (He runs into the kitchen and fills a pitcher with tap water. He opens the door that leads to the backyard.) (JAMES marches with determination stage left towards the tree. He tears down the banners, revealing a naked middle-aged man tied to the tree, wearing only a wide pink ribbon with an ornate bow over his crotch and an absurd party hat on his head. The man is handsome and in his early fifties, but it's hard to tell beneath the bruises around the left eye, right cheek, and mouth. JAMES pulls the gag off. The yard is heavily wooded and remote. No one's hearing anything. All the battered man can muster is a pathetic groan anyway.) JAMES Well, looks like you've got another night out here. Bet you're thirsty. (JAMES pours water down the man's gullet. HE coughs up the water, dribbling it down his dirty and bloodied face.) JAMES Cigarette? (realizing) Oh. (He walks over and takes off the gag.) JAMES (CONT.) Cigarette? THE PRESENT No. Food, maybe. You could fucking give me something to eat for once in two days. I told you, I'm sick, I need to take that medication that's in my briefcase. But a cigarette? No. JAMES Yeah. Not too healthy. Well, we're shit out of food. Wait... (JAMES goes inside. The man wriggles, trying to loosen his ropes in the slightest, but cannot. JAMES reemerges quickly with the cake and a large knife. He takes it over to his prisoner, cuts off a huge chunk, and shoves it slowly into the man's mouth. The man coughs and chokes, but is able to devour most of it in one bite. He has a sour look on his crumb- covered face. JAMES wipes his cake- covered hand on the man's chest.) THE PRESENT (garbled - food still in mouth) Ith cubbah en wakth! JAMES What the fuck are you saying? THE PRESENT (loud and clear) I said, it's covered in wax! JAMES Hey, not so loud. My wife's sleeping. THE PRESENT The cake is covered in wax. And it's burnt. JAMES Yeah, well, the candles melted down. (THE PRESENT spits, his face now coated with cake and frosting.) THE PRESENT I told you, I don't know who you are, I don't know who your wife is. I have my own wife and two young children, so if you really want to be a decent family man, you'll just let me go, OK? Please! JAMES Children? You have two children? THE PRESENT Yes, I do, and I really want to see them again. If whatever you were trying to do didn't work, can you just let me go? I won't tell anyone anything. JAMES That much I'm sure of. How old? THE PRESENT What? JAMES Your kids. How old? THE PRESENT What the fuck do you care? (JAMES holds the business end of his cigarette millimeters away from the man's eye.) JAMES How old? (DAN'S whimpers grow gradually more hysterical.) THE PRESENT Leslie's four, Jason's one and a half. JAMES One of each. Nice. I mean, Leslie is a girl, right? It can be a boy's name. Pansy boy's name, though. THE PRESENT Girl. Why do you fucking care? JAMES A girl. Very nice. She a pretty one? DAN Yes. She's beautiful. JAMES I bet you think so. You seem kinda old for such young kids. Second marriage, huh? THE PRESENT Third. JAMES A seasoned pro. Well, from what they say, this time should be the charm, right? Me and Pauly, we don't have any kids. It's all I ever wanted, really. 'Course you have to have sex to have kids, and Pauly doesn't have sex anymore. Not with me, anyway. THE PRESENT Why would I possibly give a shit about this? JAMES Well, you should give a shit, 'cause it's why you're here. THE PRESENT You've kidnapped me, beaten me, thrown me in a trunk and driven me to God knows where so you can tie me to a tree naked, all because you can't get laid? What the hell is that supposed to mean? (The man is worked into a rage and is almost able to loosen his bind. JAMES presses his finger onto a bruise on the man's face, causing JAMES to writhe in pain.) JAMES You ruined us. THE PRESENT What is that supposed to mean? I don't know who you are, I don't know who your wife is. I SWEAR TO GOD, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! JESUS! (JAMES again presses down on the bruise, punctuation his sentences with demeaning, but not forceful, slaps to his captive's face.) JAMES What did I say about the yelling? I told you, my wife's upstairs trying to get some much needed sleep. She worked for eighteen hours today in a busy hospital and has to do it all over again at 6 AM. You know work, don't you? That thing your employees do while you're calling for tee times? THE PRESENT What? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Who are you? (He whimpers and spits up a little blood.) THE PRESENT (CONT.) I could have you killed. JAMES Not from there you can't. THE PRESENT How much? JAMES How much what. THE PRESENT How much money are you asking? JAMES For what? THE PRESENT My ransom. (JAMES looks blank.) THE PRESENT (CONT.) My ransom. You've kidnapped me, how much money are you asking for my return? JAMES It's not like that. THE PRESENT Then why am I here? Don't I at least deserve to know that? (JAMES thinks about his for a moment.) JAMES No. Trust me, the moment I bring my wife out here, it'll all become perfectly clear to you. (JAMES chuckles.) JAMES (CONT.) You'll know then why you're here. You'll know, alright. And you're not gonna like it. THE PRESENT Do you want money? I've got plenty... JAMES Hey, I'm sure you do, but like I said, it's not like that. And if you don't stop yelling and bitching, you're gagged again. Got that? Anyway, it won't do you any good as far as a cry for help or nothing. Next closest house is about three-quarters of a mile away. (voice trails off) Used to be she thought it was romantic to live so far away from anybody else... THE PRESENT I just want to know what any of this has to do with me, is that so fucking unreasonable? (JAMES takes a seat on a rickety lawn chair next to the tree.) JAMES Bored? THE PRESENT What? JAMES Are you bored? 'Cause we can play a game. Like Twenty Questions. Not only can we learn little more about each other, but we can have some fun while we're at it. What do you say? THE PRESENT Whatever. JAMES You start. Ask me something. THE PRESENT OK...How about, why the fuck am I here? JAMES It's got to be a yes or no question. Try again. THE PRESENT Fine. Does all this have something to do with Emma? JAMES Uh, no. My turn. Who the hell is Emma? THE PRESENT That's not a yes or no question. (JAMES holds the end of his cigarette near the man's eye.) JAMES I can bend the rules. Who's Emma? THE PRESENT My...she's my...we... JAMES Uou fuck her. You're fuckin' her, but she's not your wife? THE PRESENT (through clenched teeth) Right. JAMES Your turn. This is fun. THE PRESENT Are you going to kill me? JAMES Don't think so. Let's call it no. OK. What's that, two? We got a ways to go. Your wife and your beautiful little girl Leslie and your baby boy Jason, they know about Emma? THE PRESENT Of course not. Have I met you before? JAMES Not that I can recall. I mean, no. Why'd you think that you being abducted and brought out here had something to do with your lady friend? THE PRESENT She's also married. I thought that maybe this...I don't know. JAMES You thought I was an irate husband? THE PRESENT Something like that. JAMES Why don't you make that your next question. THE PRESENT Alright. Are you an irate husband? JAMES Yes. THE PRESENT Irate at me? JAMES Hey! My turn. So, how did it feel, thinking you were about to be punished for something you did that hurt someone else? Did you feel like you deserved it? THE PRESENT No one deserves this, no one. I'm sorry I hurt someone else, but me and Emma...it was never our intention to hurt anybody. I'm sorry if... JAMES Enough. Ask your question. THE PRESENT Are you irate at me? JAMES Yes. Do you love her? THE PRESENT Who, Emma or my wife? JAMES Hang on, do-over. Let me rephrase the question. What does the word "family" even mean to you? Anything? THE PRESENT What? JAMES Family. You've already fucked over two wives, you're in the middle of fucking over a third, and you have the balls to plead for your life because you have two little kids to take care of. I'm just wondering if you really even care for these people or whether you just thought it would make me feel sorry for you. Sounds to me like you're just using them as an excuse to get yourself free. THE PRESENT Of course I care for them. I don't need to explain myself to you. JAMES So then, you consider yourself a good father? THE PRESENT Isn't it my turn? JAMES I still don't have a decent answer to my question. THE PRESENT Yes! I am a good father. I care about my family, I'm not using them to get out of this, I love them and I don't want them hurt in any way. I have two older children also, and they turned out fine, despite my flaws as a husband. Okay? JAMES (smiling) I'm sure that they did. Alright. Go. THE PRESENT Where are we? (JAMES makes a buzzing noise.) JAMES Yes or no, please. THE PRESENT Are we in Atlanta, I mean are we even in Georgia? JAMES No. (beat) OK. That's enough. I hope you feel better, 'cause that's all the information you're getting until my wife comes out here, and I don't know when that'll be, to be honest with you. Seems she's not in the mood for the Happy Birthday bullshit, so you're just gonna have to wait. THE PRESENT Happy Birthday bullshit? Hang on, am I supposed to be her birthday present? JAMES Game's over, no more questions. THE PRESENT That wasn't twenty! My pills, are you going to get me my pills? They're still in the trunk, I think... JAMES Don't you listen? We're done. THE PRESENT No! Why are you giving me to her? What does that mean? JAMES I'm not playing anymore, so save your breath. THE PRESENT Why am I naked? Am I supposed to have sex with her or something? (JAMES takes hold of his prisoner by his balls, which are obscured by the ribbon.) JAMES Hey, that's my wife you're talking about, you son of a bitch! Do you want me to kill you? THE PRESENT (strained) You need help. JAMES What, like shrink help? THE PRESENT Yeah. A doctor. You're a sick man. JAMES Never been to any sort of therapy myself, but it's been real interesting watching my wife go through it. 'Cause she works at a hospital, she can, you know, talk to people, to doctors, shrinks, whatever, and it don't really cost anything which is good,'cause it can be damn expensive, you know? She's like, covered. Funny things happen when you start digging. Never know where you'll wind up. She's doing all this so she can...feel better, but she's got all sorts of crazy ideas in her head now that weren't there before. Frankly, I think things were better before she tried to fix 'em, you know? (beat) By the time she's done with you, she won't be needing that shit anymore. You might, though. (There is a pause as JAMES lets his little soliloquy sink in.) THE PRESENT I don't know what you're talking about. And I don't care. All I know is, there's no way you'll get away with this. Even if you kill me... JAMES I haven't gone through all this bullshit just so I could kill you. I would've done that a long time ago if that was what I had in mind. (A figure appears on the back porch.) PAULINE What the fuck is going on here? What is this, James? (JAMES is shocked by PAULINE'S sudden entrance. He becomes immediately flustered and loses all of the cocky swagger he showed towards THE PRESENT. The man on the tree squints, trying desperately to recognize this woman. He does, and his face instantly goes pale.) JAMES Hey, honey. You scared me. THE PRESENT (under his breath) Good lord. PAULINE What is it that you have in mind exactly? JAMES Thought you were upstairs sleepin'. PAULINE I was, but I kept hearing you yell at a naked man tied to our oak tree with pink ribbon, so I thought I'd see what was going on. What the fuck is this? My present? (JAMES tries to collect himself. This is the big moment he has been waiting for, but he is caught off guard and isn't ready to make the presentation he has been planning so meticulously.) JAMES Well, yeah, this is it. I know it might look strange, but just think about it. This is what you really want, right? PAULINE What? I... JAMES I've heard you say it so many times since you've, you know, started talking to the head shrinker and all. What you'd do if you had the chance to face him one more time, what you'd do to him. Happy Birthday. PAULINE What the hell are you talking about? (JAMES is getting even more nervous. PAULINE looks mortified, and this is not the reaction he had been dreaming of.) JAMES I just thought if you actually had that chance, then maybe you'd feel better about us. About me. PAULINE Chance to do what? I don't understand--- THE PRESENT I... (JAMES wheels around and punches the man in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. PAULINE just stands and watches this brutality, trying to let it sink in.) JAMES (to THE PRESENT) Will you shut up? I'm trying to talk to my wife. PAULINE Jesus! Have you kidnapped this man? (JAMES is beaming now, thinking she gets it.) JAMES I'd do anything for you, Pauly. See? PAULINE No, I definitely do not see. JAMES All I've been hearing about for months now is your goddamn father and everything he did--- PAULINE What? JAMES I don't want to hear it anymore. Why just talk about it when you can do it? PAULINE Tell me you didn't just say, "father." Tell me this is some sort of joke. JAMES Not at all, Pauly. This is happening. It's all up to you. Anything you want to do to him, anything that might make you feel better. PAULINE Make me feel better? Feel better about what? You're not making any sense, James. JAMES Take it out on him now, so you don't have to take it out on me anymore. PAULINE Take what out? On who? Wait... JAMES Nothing was ever my fault, but you blamed me for everything anyway, 'cause the guy you were really mad at was never around. Well, here he is. Let him take the blame for once. PAULINE (pointing to the man on the tree) Him? Oh my god. James... JAMES Anything you wanna do. PAULINE You don't think... JAMES Surprised, right? PAULINE It's not him. JAMES Sure it is baby, don't be scared. He won't hurt you again, that I can promise. PAULINE No, I mean it's not him. This isn't my father! I don't know who the hell this poor bastard is, but it isn't my goddamn father! THE PRESENT My name's Dan Henderson--- (JAMES cuts another enormous piece of cake and shoves it into the man's mouth, choking him.) JAMES (to THE PRESENT) Hey, didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up? PAULINE Am I to understand that you tried to kidnap my father so I could get some sort of weird revenge on him, then be able to move on with my life, so you and I could live happily ever after? JAMES Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean, "It's not him." PAULINE Even if this guy were...him, and it is not, what would you have me do? How would that be a present? Is it...is it supposed to give me some sort of satisfaction to see him tied up like that, helpless, at my mercy? Would this make us even or something? Is that really what you were thinking? JAMES I know that you're a little freaked out, but this is the guy. You just haven't seen him in fifteen years, so you don't recognize him, that's all! He's old now, he doesn't look the same... PAULINE It is not! Don't you think I'd be able to remember the face of my own fucking father? JAMES But it has to be. I was so careful about every little thing. PAULINE I'm sure you think you were. The whole idea of this, it's just insane. JAMES I followed him around, asked people about him... PAULINE Asked people? Smooth. Untie this man right now, James. JAMES No way. This is him, it's gotta be. I grabbed him as he was leaving his office... PAULINE In broad daylight. THE PRESENT (to PAULINE) I don't know what this is all about, this guy just took me, he took me, I don't know why, I don't know, please, just let me go, let me go, let me... (JAMES picks the gag up from the ground, now caked in mud, and ties it around the man's mouth.) JAMES Shut the fuck up! (THE PRESENT tries to struggle but it's useless.) PAULINE James, holy shit, look at what you're doing. (PAULINE wants to stop JAMES, but she's too shocked to move.) JAMES (to PAULINE, almost whispering) I'm sorry. I was just so afraid that we were coming to the end... PAULINE What? JAMES You and me. It's been feeling like it's coming to an end and... PAULINE Shit, we've been coming to the end ever since we began. JAMES What is that supposed to mean? PAULINE It means exactly what it sounds like. When we got married, I was just barely finished being a teenager, all I wanted was to feel like I wasn't a kid anymore. Guess you have to be careful what you wish for, 'cause it's five years later, and you make me feel old, James. Old. (She lights herself a cigarette) PAULINE (CONT.) God, I'm so tired. JAMES Tired of me. PAULINE Just tired. It's so sad that you think that the answer...to us...is this. Like our life out here is someone else's fault. JAMES But this guy, your own father... PAULINE Not this guy... JAMES ...did these things to you... PAULINE Not this guy! My father...was a...difficult...man. What he did to me, I...it's unforgivable, it's evil...but it's done. JAMES ...you were just a little girl! PAULINE I don't have any desire to look at that man again. It's not about him anymore. It's about me. JAMES But you always say... PAULINE I know what I always say. JAMES ...how you'd make him feel the way he made you feel... PAULINE I know what I always say, James. JAMES ...how you wanted to him to spend the rest of his life humiliated and destroyed by it, just like you will... PAULINE I know what I always say, James, I know! You don't know anything. You don't know what it's been like thinking about that bastard again after working so hard to forget about him. What is it that I was supposed to do here? Chop his balls off? (THE PRESENT recoils.) PAULINE (CONT.) Is that the...catharsis...you were looking for? That would make everything alright? Yes, I've treated you like shit along the way, and no, maybe that's not fair to you, and I'm sorry for that, I guess, but we're out here all alone. I don't talk to any of my friends anymore, no one comes to visit us out here. JAMES But that... PAULINE This isn't what we thought it was going to be, James, face it. I don't distrust you because a man once did something bad to me and you happen to be the closest man. It's not that simple. I distrust you because you lie. (PAULINE tosses her cigarette butt to the ground. JAMES steps closer to her. She looks like she might hug him, but she's just fishing inside his breast pocket for more cigarettes. The pack is empty, and she tosses it to the ground.) PAULINE (CONT.) I can't talk to you about what happened with my father because you just don't get it. I can't talk to you about the therapy, because you're really only concerned with the parts that have to do with you. This little revenge fantasy you've laid out here, it's for you. This is your present to yourself. It's the answer to your problems, not mine. (to THE PRESENT) Do you understand what's happened here? A misunderstanding is all. We're very sorry. (She removes the gag and starts trying to loosen the rope, but is unable.) JAMES Well, we can't just let him go. PAULINE Excuse me? JAMES (becoming unwound) Look at what I've done to him. I don't think he's gonna accept that I made a stupid mistake. He's gonna tell the cops! I'm fucked! (This sentence hangs in the air. PAULINE might have gotten a fine birthday present after all. She walks inside the house.) JAMES (CONT.) (calls after her) Where you going? (No response. JAMES circles the tree nervously, fidgeting with the knife and getting increasingly agitated.) JAMES (CONT.) (to THE PRESENT) Fuck. This was not the plan. You were supposed to be Preston Pierce, and you weren't gonna rat me out because that would have meant you'd have to admit to...you know, fucking with Pauline, and Preston Pierce wasn't about to admit that, no way. THE PRESENT What are you doing? JAMES Preston Pierce was gonna be runnin' for some sort of office soon in Atlanta, and he wouldn't want ugly old stories like this one floating around. Stories about playing finger puppets with your seven year-old daughter can hurt a candidate's image, even in these times. Preston Pierce wasn't gonna say a thing to anyone about any of this. But you're not Preston Pierce, I guess. You're gonna hang me. THE PRESENT Don't do this... (JAMES is moving ever closer to DAN'S neck with the frosting- covered blade.) JAMES I don't want to, believe me, but I don't have any choice now, do I? My whole plan's shot, and I did have a plan. It just went wrong somehow. I don't know how, it just did. But I can't let you go, I'm sorry. THE PRESENT DON'T! I won't tell anyone, I swear! JAMES You don't mean that, you're just beggin' for your life is all. I'm really sorry. THE PRESENT No! (JAMES is about to make a decisive lunge with the knife when he is stopped by...) PAULINE Drop it, James. (PAULINE is standing on the porch holding a cordless telephone. She has a fresh cigarette between her lips. She dashes over to the tree and pries her husband off of the terrified man. JAMES drops the knife.) JAMES (under his breath) I'm sorry. (PAULINE presses a button on the phone.) JAMES What are you doing? PAULINE Nine... JAMES Who are you...oh my god, don't do this to me. Why? I was just trying to help... PAULINE You failed. (presses another button) One... JAMES Please. I'll let him go. I don't want to leave, I can't go to jail, please... PAULINE (presses another button) One. JAMES Jesus! PAULINE (to phone) Hello? There's a kidnapped man being held at 1575 Cedar Hill. The kidnapper's here and I think he's gonna kill him. It's about three miles off the 220...oh, you got it? Hurry. Thank you...No, thank you. (She hangs up.) JAMES How could you do this to me, Pauline? You know I only did this because I love you and I thought it would... PAULINE I get it. But you gotta go. JAMES Pauline, please... PAULINE The longer you wait, the more fucked you are. (He steps towards her, but she backs away. He gives a last, long look at her and at his captive, then runs into the house.) (Moments later, the sounds of a car peeling out of the driveway can be heard.) THE PRESENT Thank you... PAULINE Stop. THE PRESENT ...for...for doing that... PAULINE Will you please shut up. THE PRESENT ...for me. PAULINE Not for you. For me. THE PRESENT Why? PAULINE None of your fucking business. THE PRESENT I can't believe you married that lunatic. PAULINE (angry) He is not a lunatic, and you are not qualified to pass judgement on Hitler, you prick. You're lucky he didn't kill you. He said he was going to, you know, when I first told him about you. I guess he wanted me to do it instead or something. THE PRESENT Are you going to untie me before the police come? PAULINE The police aren't coming. THE PRESENT But you... PAULINE ...dialed eight-one-one. It served its purpose. It was the only way to get him to leave. But there's no police coming. THE PRESENT Then why don't you just untie me? PAULINE God, I'm tired. THE PRESENT Pauline, Jesus! I'm very sick, Pauline, I had heart surgery last year... PAULINE Ooh, I'm sorry to hear that. THE PRESENT ...and there's medication I need to take, so please, can we just end this already! The pills might have been in the car he just took off in, I don't really know. Look, I'm sor--- PAULINE (furious) Don't you dare try to...apologize! Words don't even exist for that. THE PRESENT Let me go! Now, goddammit. I won't report it, I won't make a big deal about it, just let me go. I can't take much more of this... PAULINE You ever get a present you just don't know what you're gonna do with? THE PRESENT Pauline... PAULINE I'm too tired to figure it out right now. THE PRESENT What? PAULINE Good night, Daddy. THE PRESENT No, please, Pauline, don't... PAULINE Try to keep it down, I gotta get some sleep. (PAULINE walks inside the house, closing the door behind her as her FATHER cries pathetically. This brings a hint of a smile to her weary face.) ("Birthday" by The Beatles starts to play. Lights out.) END OF PLAY