The World is Insane by S.D.Phillips Introduction The year is 2020, and most of the world's crimes were attributed to mental illness and insanity. Prisons are not as full as they used to be, and now mental institutions are full. Most of the world is cooped up in institutions. The world is now ran predominantly by doctors. This is the story about how some two psychologists, Stan and Joe, save the world from lunacy. Players Joe a psychologist Emmet a lunatic Stan another psychologist ACT I, SCENE 1 Enter JOE and STAN JOE Do you actually think that these drugs will work? STAN Of course they'll work. I haven't spent the last four months working on these for nothing. JOE But are you sure that they'll work on all the different kinds of diseases? STAN They have so far worked on lab mice with anything from depression to kleptomania. Ah, here comes that patient I was expecting. (Enter EMMET) STAN Thank you for coming Emmet. How are you feeling today? EMMET Fine Doc, and yourself? STAN Well you know that, I'm always fine. EMMET It's that medicine ya take isn't it Doc? STAN I don't know what you're talking about. EMMET Come on Doc, you don't think I'm stupid do you. JOE No, just crazy. EMMET (mimicking) No, just crazy. (normal) You guys know as well as I do that what I need are those normal drugs to make the crazy chemicals in my head normal. JOE You know we can't synthesize drugs like that. EMMET (mimicking again) You know we can't synthesize drugs like that. (pleading) Come on Doc. hysterical In this whole crazy world there are no normal people except for you two. You have to have the cure. JOE (privately to STAN) Are you sure we should do this? After this one there is no turning back. STAN We have to. For the good of the human race. (to EMMET) All right then Emmet, you'll be the first test subject in our experiment. EMMET (overjoyed) Really Doc you mean it, I can be normal again. (EMMET begins to run in circles and howl to express his excitement.) JOE Yes, yes you can Emmet, but please show some restraint. (EMMET stops for a moment) Tomorrow we'll begin to balance out those chemicals. Now go back to your cell, er, room. (EMMET resumes his ranting and howling and runs offstage. Exit EMMET.) STAN We stand on the cusp of a new future my friend. JOE I hope so, all of these crazy people are driving me insane. STAN I know what you mean. ACT I, SCENE 2 (Enter STAN and EMMET) STAN Well Emmet it's been two weeks, how do you feel? EMMET Oh Doc you'd never believe it I'm feelin so much better. I mean I don't spontaneously laugh, or start ranting. And, this is the best part, no more uncontrollable frothing. STAN It sounds like you're doing a whole lot better. EMMET Yep Doc, those pills you gave me have worked wonders. In fact everyone around me seems a little less insane now. STAN Yes, well we've been giving these pills to other patients as well. EMMET Wow Doc, at this rate the whole world will be sane again. STAN That is the point of all of this. EMMET You're going to be a very famous man. STAN Yes I know Emmet. ACT I, SCENE 3 (Enter STAN) STAN (to the audience) I thank you, the people of the world, for honoring me with the Nobel Prize. And I can't help but to thank all of you out there. If you all hadn't been mad then I would be out of a job, and would never have received such a prestigious award as this. (Audience applauds) STAN You folks out there are the living proof of my work. But to further prove the success of my work I would like to call my partner, Joe, and my first patient, Emmet, up to the stage. Come on up guys. (Enter EMMET & JOE from the audience) You all should recognize Emmet, being that he is now the President of the United States, and Joe here is still my unfailing assistant. Without these two the initial study on Prequisant would never have been done. The night is still young, and I don't wish to deprive you of experiences, so let me say to you all goodnight and goodbye. (Exit STAN; As he leaves EMMET and JOE start to clap causing the audience to clap and cheer as well) (Exit EMMET and JOE) ACT I, SCENE 4 (Enter STAN and JOE) JOE That was a stunning speech you gave tonight. STAN Yes, I know. JOE So, what are we going to do with that research money? STAN Joe, I have something to tell you? JOE What? STAN Oh - I don't know how to put this? JOE What Stan? What is it? Does Prequisant have a horrible side effect, that you didn't know about? STAN Yes, it does have a fairly subtle side effect that will only happen to certain people. JOE Well, what is it? STAN The drug will have no effect at all. JOE What - how ? STAN It isn't really a drug Joe. It's a fake, it doesn't do anything. JOE Nothing at all? STAN It doesn't even keep your bowels regular. JOE Why that means that anyone of those people out there could snap at any minute. STAN No, most probably won't go crazy again. Deep down inside all people are sane, they just need a device to keep themselves believing that they are sane. JOE Prequisant is the device. STAN Exactly. JOE Why did you try this, you could have caused the world a mess of trouble? STAN Well, you have to be a little crazy to try something like this. JOE What do you mean? (STAN hands JOE a newspaper clipping) JOE (reading aloud) March 19, 2010. Psychologist found mentally unstable concerning his murdering of four of his patients. (Slightly stunned, slightly in awe) Stan, this was you? STAN Of course, that's what happens when my patients don't pay their bills. JOE (delayed) That's a good policy. STAN Yeah, I know. (Exeunt) 1