NATHAN ROSS FREEMAN SUITE 299 353 JONESTOWN RD WINSTON-SALEM, NC 27104 (910) 760-1230 YOUR SIDE MINE Drama/Choreography WRITTEN BY NATHAN ROSS FREEMAN FIFTH REVISION COPYRIGHT (C) 1997 EXCERPTS FOR CHOREOGRAPHY: "RITES" WRITTEN BY SYDNEY HIBBERT COPYRIGHT (C) 1990 IN MEMORY OF SYDNEY HIBBERT CHARACTERS: HOWARD - MENTOR (BLACK) JAMAICAN (55-60) THOMAS - PROTÉGÉ (35-40) WHO DOUBLES AS YOUNG MALE STUDENT (EARLY 20'S) NURSE - MALE NURSE (30-ISH) MASKED FEMALE STUDENT/COSTUMED MALE STUDENT (EARLY 20'S) MIME MUSIC: SAX, VIOLIN, CELLO, TRUMPET, PIANO AND GUITAR. NOTE: THE USE OF THE FOLLOW SPOT IN THE PLAY DEPICTS THE STARK MEDICINAL AIR AND HIGHLIGHTS THE STERILE VIVIDNESS THAT SHINES ON ITEMS WE SEE IN A DEATH ROOM. INDEED THE SPOT LIGHT IS A CHARACTER. ACT I (APPROPRIATE CARIBBEAN MUSIC . STAGE RIGHT REVEALS HOWARD, CANCER DRAWN, CORPSE-LIKE STRETCHED ON HIS BACK ON HIS BED. HOWARD'S BED SHOULD BE HORIZONTAL TO THE APRON OF THE STAGE, ALMOST OFFERING A MORGUE VISUAL. HE HAS AN IV INSERTED IN HIS ARM, THAT LEADS TO A BAG ON AN IV STAND. STAGE LEFT, A SUDDEN LIGHT AND MUSIC REVEAL YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT AND YOUNG MALE STUDENT. YOUNG MALE STUDENT RECITES RITES 4 AS HE AND FEMALE STUDENT MIME AND DANCE TO HIS RECITATION. RITES 4: YOUNG MALE STUDENT You can hear the silence drip from the roofs, and the wind brushing the peeling house-sides, roosters echoing each other into oblivion, and suddenly the high-pitched bark of the dogs gone mad with fear which turns into howling, chased by pounding hoofs: Rolling-calf come again ...! YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT "... de bottle jus lif up, an drop pon de concrete, in front of everybody eye, 'an not a sou did lif a finga, or touch it ..." YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT The men sat looking deep into the silence of each others eyes, and quietly rise, and file separately home without comment ... YOUNG MALE STUDENT Mothers keep the babies close to the wash tubs, making sure they are wearing something red. There is no playing out of doors now. TOGETHER The Quinep tree is the only place where there is truth! YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT "... an dem going to jump the rolling-calf out of de lane." We were going to watch the Table Laying ceremony... At each end of the long table are the six-pronged kerosene lamps... Burning oil and incense mix their acrid presence to water eyes, and make the insides of the head heavy and full. (A HIGH PITCH UTTER, PROLONGED, FROM HOWARD ON HIS MORGUE BED) YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT A high soprano voice starts pleading, then moves above the sound of soprano itself ... HOWARD "...Lead kindly light... Peace, perfect peace In this dark world of sin The voice of Jesus whispers..." YOUNG MALE STUDENT The woman dancing the Mother Spirit moans loudly, and the slow... thumps begin to quicken, feet beating the earth in a salute that is once a rhythm and a voice, that fills the space between the other dancers at the perimeter of the circle and the table, and rises into the night and fills that too. The Mother Spirit, her white dress with the blue ribbons starched, shining over the breasts, and buttocks, begin to dust up the swirling brown earth. She turns her roll several times before the mourners ... Her dance, the Water Maid and the Arch-Angel Michael with the bell, come reeling slowly into the arena, as in a deep and endless dream. (YOUNG MALE STUDENT STOPS DANCING AND PLAYS THE CONGA, WHILE YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT CONTINUES TO DANCE.) YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT Now the drums enter and tease the feet of the spirits, they embrace and unite, tense, working long and seriously for a climax whose orgasmic shudder will devour mate and lover... (YOUNG MALE STUDENT REJOINS THE MIME AND DANCE WITH YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT. THEY BEGIN AN INTENSE, MODERN DANCE CHOREOGRAPHY WITH RITUAL AFRO-CARIBBEAN FLAIR, AN INTERPRETATION OF SHE BEATING HIM TO SEXUAL SUBMISSION.) HOWARD No! (HOWARD RISES LIKE FROM THE DEAD, A LAZARUS, DRAGS THE IV STAND AND ENTERS THE DREAM WITH THE STUDENTS AND SPEAKS WITH A POWER THAT BELIES HIS CONDITION. HE TALKS TO THEM WHILE THEY CONTINUE. STUDENTS CONTINUE TO DANCE THROUGHOUT HOWARD'S DELIVERY. THE STUDENTS DON'T STOP DANCING. THEY CONTINUE ON HOWARD'S INDICATION. THEIR CHOREOGRAPHY IS INFLUENCED BY HOWARD'S COMMENTS.) You flippant aerobic damsel. You flaunt a sluttish crotch with contrived mania, no regard for the fact that you must WIN, dear, WIN! Win HIM? Noooo! Win IT! The NEED ... to swallow him whole. Cut the performance and WIN! Give me more than steps showing off your sweltering thighs. Seems your capacity to comprehend anything about yourself in the Space is by CHANCE, and you have ONE more! ... As for you, mister, you hermaphroditic castration. Your arms whine and you give into sweat as if it is some sign of depth. Stop it! Stop crawling like you are in some B movie deliberately stumbling so the monster can catch up. You must be away or be with her. And, either way, you must succumb to your desire that transcends desire. If you lose, and according to script you must ... Still YOU must strive to WIN. Especially if the script says you lose ... Like you know surely death must get us all one day, so we breathe all the more with a vengeance. GO! (THE YOUNG MALE STUDENT RESISTS AND IS DRAWN, THE YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT IS REPULSED WHILE LURING HIM BETWEEN HER WANTING LEG AND ARM CLUTCHES. HOWARD BEGINS TO LOSE THE POWER IN HIS VOICE.) If he lets you, then take him! Fuck the script. What's the point. What do you want, man, what do you want? Decide and WIN! (HOWARD'S DIRECTION OBVIOUSLY TAKES EFFECT AS THEIR MOVEMENTS BECOME, OBVIOUSLY, MORE BELIEVABLE AND ENTRANCING.) Yes, yes, ... teeeach ... hhhim, good, man ... come, with, whhhimm ... wwwith ... her, hhhim, suuu ...bliiime ... (LIGHTS CHANGE TO REVEAL AN ABSTRACT FESTIVE CLUB ATMOSPHERE. HOWARD IS ABOUT TO TOAST THEM. NURSE SITS IN SOME CORNER, DRESSED IN WHITE TAILS, SURGEON MASK, STETHOSCOPE AROUND HIS NECK FOR A TIE. HE SIPS SOME EXOTIC COCKTAIL WHOSE COLOR IS WHITE.) HOWARD Congratulations! You have won for ME the recognition that YOU deserve. (HE AND THE STUDENTS TOAST.) Now! Please, for me and our guest, please let's improvise a step in the dance of our next work. (THE STUDENTS LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER WITH STRAINED TOLERANCE.) HOWARD Aht! You will indulge me. Eccentricity is the privilege of a Diva. With age, if nothing else, that would be me. Now, dance the dance of him taking you in his arms. (THE STUDENTS BEGIN TO INTERPRET HIS WORDS AS DANCE.) Now kiss her, DON'T TOUCH, dance the kiss, yes, smooch, hard, yeeeaaah, tongues, give me tongues, don't go near each other, that's the point, dance the kiss, the mate call contract, wooing, move, go through the motions, now, make a condition, dear girl, make a condition, sculpt a design on him, conjure, darling, while he tries to kiss you again, make him do a trick first, make him, prooove! ... (THE STUDENTS DANCE.) ... Good, good, now YOU, mister, take your eyes, look at another. (HOWARD APPROACHES MASKED THOMAS SEDUCTIVELY) Another feeling, for someone ... else ... sneaky dance of the infidel, your eyes travel, while you miss home ... NOW! (HOWARD GOES BACK TO COACHING THE TWO.) Do the guilt dance. Missy you catch him cheating, mister, you catch her wanting you to go-stay-prooove, both moving away, clinging, yet moving away, for that is the way with men and women ... isn't it? ... (THE STUDENTS DANCE ON.) NURSE (GOES OVER TO HOWARD, TAKES HIS JACKET AND WRAPS IT AROUND HOWARD. AS SOON AS HE DOES THIS HOWARD BEGINS TO CHOKE AND COUGH.) NURSE (MOCKING) "Isn't it?" ... Said the donkey to the mule. The death bed is supposed to be a place where life passes before your dying eyes. It has been my experience though, that it is a place where the living stand around to solve a riddle of grief. A riddle of WHY? ... Yeah, it's about that time you should be getting back, as it were ... Cover your mouth. (NURSE GENTLY PLACES HIS FINGERS TO HOWARD'S MOUTH. NURSE SNATCHES HIS JACKET OFF HOWARD.) There's no air. (THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR. THE NURSE AND STUDENTS MOVE AS IF TO MELT, THEN DISAPPEAR LIKE A DREAM FADES, AS THEY ARE THE DREAM OF THE OLD MAN WHO SINKS TO THE FLOOR, TWITCHES, REPEATS UNINTELLIGIBLE ALL THAT HE HAS JUST SAID. NURSE ENTERS IN REAL TIME TO FIND HOWARD ON THE FLOOR. HE PANICS, TENDS AND CARRIES HOWARD TO THE BED AS HE DELIVERS.) NURSE Howard, what to do with you. How'd you get on the floor. What are you, an unemployment agent. Hope you don't remember this. (ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BEDROOM DOOR THOMAS APPEARS IN THE ANCIENT BROOKLYN HALLWAY. A FOLLOW SPOT, IS HIS ONLY ILLUMINATION.) THOMAS (TO HIMSELF) Okay, find the knack, find the knack. Wonder if he's dead. How close. Go in. Stick to the point. Get him to write. All you gotta do. Get him to write, then be quiet. Get out before we go at it. Please don't make me mad. I won't make you mad. Please don't smell. Hope you cooked. Need a drink. Can't drink. Neither of us. Not together ... anymore. Damn. ((NURSE'S DISPOSITION IS ALWAYS, EFFICIENT, QUICK WITTED, A VERY PROFESSIONAL COURT JESTER. A TENDER TO DEATH COME THIS WAY. NURSE STEALTHY, QUIET, LIFTS HOWARD GENTLY AND CARRIES HIM TOWARDS. THERE IS ANOTHER KNOCK AT THE DOOR. THOMAS OPENS THE DOOR, SLOW, REVERENT, CATCHES NURSE CARRYING HOWARD TO BED. AS THE DOOR SWINGS OPEN ANOTHER FOLLOW SPOT GREETS HIM ON THE BEDROOM SIDE. ) THOMAS What happened?! NURSE He's been sleep walking again. I always make sure he's sleep. But, to no avail. He does more in his sleep than awake. THOMAS I take over from here. NURSE Don't turn your back. THE NURSE EXITS. THOMAS LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM. THE SPILL FROM THE SPOT REVEALS SHADOWS OF THINGS IN THIS GRAND BROWNSTONE BEDROOM: TELEPHONE ON ITS OWN QUAINT TABLE, DRESSER (ANTIQUE OF COURSE) WITH AN ASSORTMENT OF PILLS STREWN ABOUT THE TOP (VIALS OF PILLS, NOTHING MORE, EXCEPT THE FRAME OF AN ANCIENT COUPLE WHOSE PHOTOGRAPH MUST BE FROM A PERIOD THAT WOULD RANK THEM AS GREAT-GREATS, WITH A TINY PICTURE OF HOWARD'S MOTHER BESIDE IT), MODERN STEREO COMPLEX, SMALL BLAND UTILITY TABLE WITH A COMPUTER WHOSE EMPTY BLUE SCREEN SHINES AT THE FOOT A LARGE CHERRY WOOD BED WITH ORNATE BED POST. AS THOMAS CLOSES THE DOOR AN AREA SPECIAL LIGHTS THE EMPTY BED WITH FIVE PILLOWS: FOUR STREWN RANDOMLY, ONE WHERE HOWARD'S HEAD LAY. (NOTE: THE EVENTUAL PLACEMENT OF THE PILLOWS IS KEY TO THE BUSINESS OF THE PLOT.) STREWN ABOUT THE FLOOR ENCIRCLING THE BED ARE MANY BOOKS ON PHILOSOPHY, HISTORY, THEATRE, FILM, CANCER TREATMENT, SPIRITUAL HEALING, DRAMATIST TEXT, SOME AUTHORED BY HOWARD. HOWARD MOANS ON THE FLOOR. THERE IS A PLAIN SQUARE DRESSING MIRROR PLACED UPSTAGE. IT REFLECTS OUT TO THE AUDIENCE. SOMEWHERE NEAR THE BED IS A TOWEL RACK WITH TOWEL AND WASH CLOTH, BASIN AND BED PAN ACCOMMODATED. THOMAS GOES TO HOWARD.) THOMAS (TO HOWARD) What the hell do you think you were doing? HOWARD Class is over. Ritual is dead. Put the drums away and get your cold clammy hands off of me. Take the week off. THOMAS It's not the nurse ... It's me. HOWARD It's who?! THOMAS It's me. (HOWARD ATTEMPTS TO ROLL LIKE A BEACHED WHALE, TRIES TO TURN TO HIS VISITOR. BUT HE'S NO WHALE. HE USED TO BE. HE'S FRAIL.) HOWARD (MOCKING) "It's ... It's me!" ... Oh, It's you ... Thomas. THOMAS Have you been writing? I can't stay long. HOWARD Why don't you help me ... the pillow, my back, just one? Let the others be. I will instruct you how to place them as I instruct everything else you need to know. THOMAS I...I... HOWARD (MOCKING) "I...I..." Am I unbearable to the touch like a pig's ass to be fed fat. Then once slaughtered to be fed upon with greasy fingers eager to devour the crap out of memory ... THOMAS Whatever that means. Don't have me stomping out of your house ... HOWARD ... To get away from me ... THOMAS ... away from what you brought out in me. Howard, I remember a man who took me and my first successful play, or so the critics thought, and made me rewrite a play six times in three months, before the computer age, over curry chicken, rum, hot evenings, hot tempers. All that 'get to the heart of it' stuff. Now it's your turn to go to hell, 'scuse the pun, dead man walkin'. Have YOU at least got a title for your next book, huh, Mr. Theatre Life Achievement Award, Mr. Bravado teacher of Acting, Movement, Writing ... HOWARD Benign enemies, you and I ... THOMAS ... Mr. Tour de forceee lecturer ... HOWARD ... shaking hands through the barbed wire, cutting edges ... THOMAS ... You're telling me you haven't done shit. I'm outta here ... HOWARD ... cut, scratch, but I won't bite. (THOMAS HEADS FOR THE DOOR TO EXIT) Walk back to your side then, and keep your hands off me! (THOMAS PAUSES AT THE DOOR) THOMAS And what is the status of your Christian talk show proposition, ah, yes, Modern Prophecies, no celebrities or bedroom stories, just getting CONTROL of our lives against technology and denial? (NO RESPONSE) I am supposed to keep you writing. Don't make me fail. I am too prone to guilt. I don't have long today. told her I would not be out long. I don't have long. HOWARD Why do you call her, "her"? Isn't she your wife? What's her name? Did you tell "her" where you were going? THOMAS You know what I told her. HOWARD Go. The last thing I need is guilt for your inconvenience. The last thing I need is to keep somebody from ... THOMAS You asked. What'd you ask for? You know the answer ... Yeah everybody still wants to know why me, why you pick four women and me, one heterosexual man to be your death squad five. HOWARD It's typically hetero-sexual to categorize everyone ... everything ... THOMAS ... And they want to know if I'm sure it's just cancer (LAUGHS) ... just cancer. And in case it's something contagious, wash my hands BEFORE, I go home. HOWARD Then ... wash. THOMAS (ADJUST THE BLANKETS ON THE BED AS HE DELIVERS.) NOBODY said any of those things, nobody asked me anything. My WIFE and my colleagues only ask how you are. I ask these questions of myself on their behalf, cause I figure they must be asking these questions, 'cause none of them, NOBODY but the death squad-five frequents this place. And where are my cohorts, anyway? I know who they are, but I never see the ladies. We communicate by phone. You gotta work with Rachel on your health and will stuff. She's frustrated. Stop back- seat driving when Margaret comes to get you. You never let anyone tell YOU how to drive, you Island hack. Jamaree says she refuses to fix another of your favorite meals if you're gonna rant and rave about not enough curry, then kick her out the house because your colon kicks your spicy ass. Robin says she took care of your correspondence this week: one card to your sister. You used to bulk mail by the day. You used to have to throw multitudes out. Where are the carousers? Where are your lovers? Why me? Nevermind. I won't encourage your cynicism. Not today. I don't have the time. HOWARD A jack rabbit in a monkey's cage, rambling soul, are you finished? I am malignant. So what. Untouchable. Over there ... get that basin ... fill it with water. (THE FOLLOW SPOT PRECEDES THOMAS TO THE TOWEL RACK, LEAVES HIM IN DARKNESS. HE STARES FOR A MOMENT TO GET HIS BEARINGS, WALKS UNTIL HE STEPS INTO THE LIGHT, FILLS THE BASIN AND BRINGS THE TOWEL, ALL RATHER CLUMSY, HOWARD GETS IMPATIENT.) Bring it over here. Hurry! As it was with the business of life ... we hadn't have much time. (HOWARD GESTURES FOR THOMAS TO WASH HIS FACE. HIS WASHING STROKES ARE AWKWARD.) My mother used to scrub my neck with a scour, my face with a back brush. Wash my face, damn you, cancer isn't contagious and I am not going to die until I am ready. (AS HE TAKES THE BASIN AND TOWEL BACK TO THE STAND) THOMAS You are not going to die till I am ready. Take your time. Death smells. I have to stay and smell it. I need you to walk by the lake with me tomorrow. Tomorrow is Wednesday, you know. HOWARD Tuesday. I go on Tuesday. It's Tuesday, you know. THOMAS Well, I meant ... I'd like to go today, but, I have too ... well tomorrow I could spend ... HOWARD Oh, there you go ... chicken shit, patronizing ... I'm not going to the lake today. I am going to die. I'm going to do it before you leave today, what do you think of that?. THOMAS STOP IT! ... If you do, please don't poop. You haven't earned the right to die in front of me, friend. That's what I think of that, so STOP IT! HOWARD Coward. THOMAS Everyone can't be a hero like you. HOWARD I have seen courage be a fool thing. My brother used to tell me if you wanted to stop a dog from barking or attacking, all you had to do was stare it in the eye. If I even saw a dog I'd walk the opposite way, all the way around the block, to avoid it. One day a dog was barking at us as we passed a porch. My brother chose this specimen, a spoiled poodle, to demonstrate the courage of staring down a dog. Well he went up those steps. Looked the little snot in the eye. It growled, but HOWARD he steadfast looked the creature in the eye ... then ... I heard a snip like scissors, tear of cloth and then ... the muffled scream of a courageous boy loping down those long steps, dragging the pedigree mutt, teeth implanted on the tip of his shoe, still growling, by the way. AND by the time he reached the pavement I was way up the street, at the corner, wondering if I could jump and balance myself on top of the stop sign. Somewhere enroute he lost the dog and his shoe, and his clean white sweat sock was tainted red with what looked to be a lost tooth snagged in it. Not only did the snip bite him, but it pissed all up and down his leg, although I'm not sure whose piss it was. Two brave souls pissing all over each other. Blood and teeth ... bravery. But he never lost his penchant for courage. Never until ... rum! ... The courage to reach into some dark place. Touch the ooze, something that has been sitting in the cellar, looking under wet rock. Worms, illness, piss. THOMAS No I am not courageous. The world out there, homeboy, is a world where bravery and cowardice are stupid words. They pile on you from behind. No notice of honor or fair play. Courage is just opening a door to see the sky, courage is going to the store ... But the courage to touch? Hmmm. I hug hard. And even as I hold tight I think, how soon can I release. Who will be the first to release. Let's be close, but not too long. My father taught me to let go. My mother held me too long. My three wives, a beginning searching for an end. I always wonder how it will end. But I never quite let go. I wait to be released. What's uncomfortable about touching you is the idea that you will no longer exist. I avoid the that idea. Why shouldn't I? I found you on the floor. You gotta stop roaming in your dreams. Where's the nurse posted? HOWARD When it's your turn to have a nurse, you won't be so anxious to summon them. When they tell you, 'get a nurse,' it's like calling on death itself to carry you away with mercy ... My mother has been my HOWARD safeguard. A true matron. A loving one. My father a king in his house, mandates always. When I die today I think I'll move home to the islands. Won't have to pack ... You avoid me. THOMAS You tell me the truly powerful are those we refuse to let go. We can hate our mothers, but we can't let them go. I can't let you go. I am indisposed to you when you impose on me; when the Nurse finds you on the floor, mumbling, then talking about dying today. You have too much to do. I can't let you go. I will wait till you release me. HOWARD The truly powerful. Power? I think maybe you avoid me because you are a heterosexual who does not understand love. Yet, I cannot find fidelity, except in you, friend, who truly loves me, but won't touch me for fear that I will want you and they will think you fag. But, stay on your side ... Men, women, what's the difference, if lovers. My faithful men always fell to their knees at the newest penis, and I did my share. Men seem especially promiscuous with each other. You have been my only faithful love who won't make love to me, hetero. So, it's about the work, AND you will finish my work, executor. There is money for you to do it. THOMAS Oh, no, no. Like I said, it's your turn and I am only here to row you across the Styx. Besides, I have my work to do. And you can help ME, and I am prepared for your re-write torture. I have a computer! ... How about your will to live? HOWARD Oh, ho, ho ... (HAS A COUGHING SPELL. THOMAS PATS HIM ON THE BACK.) What ... are ... you beating me for? THOMAS I thought you were choking. HOWARD So you beat the shit out of me? ... Old fashion remedies. Just beat the hell out of them, and if that doesn't work let out their blood. Pain. No. Bestow on me the wonders of modern medicine. Get me high ... Water, get me water. (THOMAS TRIES TO FEED HIM THE WATER. HOWARD INSIST ON HANDLING THE GLASS. HOWARD'S HANDS SHAKE, BUT WITH GREAT EFFORT HE STEADIES HIS HAND ... AND ... BALANCES THE GLASS OF WATER IN HIS PALM ... THOMAS TAKES THE GLASS AND PLACES IT ON TOP OF THE DRESSER.) HOWARD You must finish my work first. NURSE (GOES OVER TO THE MEDICINE TREE) Good day, gentlemen, (TO HOWARD) and how are you today sir? I see you already have your top lip bitching and your bottom lip pouting. (HOWARD SMACKS HIS HAND AS NURSE ATTEMPTS TO STACK THE PILLOWS FOR HIM TO RECLINE. TO THOMAS, AS HE TIDIES THE BED.) This guy has been giving me lectures on timing. I just never expect to hear him fall. I don't see how he has the strength to get out of bed. (NURSE PULLS THERMOMETER OUT AND PREPARES TO PUT IT IN HOWARD'S MOUTH.) Now, sir, if you would just let that bottom lip drop a bit more I can stick this thermonuclear device and we can find out the fallout. HOWARD (THERMOMETER IN MOUTH) HOWARD What's the point of thermometers. Just something to do to cover your ass and you charge for every reading. A racket. NURSE It's a gauge, sir, a device to tell me what I should do with you next ... HOWARD Or a device to tell you how much longer you have to put up with me; move on to your next scrooge. NURSE Hmmm. Never thought of it that way. But way deep down beneath my evil heart I really would like to see you get better. Do you believe me? HOWARD This gentleman as you put him to be is ... NURSE I know who he is. I met him last week. Wednesday, I recall. He arrived at midday and left LATE that evening. HOWARD That is my point. You do not remember him, you recall him, a WEEK ago. (NURSE TAKES PULSE) NURSE Pout but don't talk. HOWARD Do you RECALL how I did my best to die before the bastard returned ... NURSE (ABRUPT, STICKS THE THERMOMETER IN HOWARD'S MOUTH) NURSE I only recall how extraordinary a person he must be put up with you at all. (ADJUSTS THE BAGS ON THE MEDICINE TREE) You say you want to be cremated. Well, let me know if you need a light. (THE THERMOMETER BEEPS. NURSE TAKES IT OUT AND READS IT.) I bet if I stuck this somewhere else I'd get a different reading. (NURSE TAKES THE BASIN FROM THOMAS AND EXITS.) THOMAS No! I can't. I cannot finish your work. HOWARD You will not? THOMAS I can't. No one can. You are too specifically you. Anyway, I'd still need your help to do it. Touché. HOWARD My work ... The corridors of heaven are filled with the rustling of wings, godlike and inscrutable they leave a powerful incense and fix the endless smile on the ocean. Before the gray Dawn stirs the Temple quietly empty, breathing serene Michael in his glory, wings blazing, thunder-bolt eyes Now settling on the point of a needle, fills the waiting mind... And my distant Soul in the joy of remembered freedom HOWARD Sings to the clouds and pierces the center of the Sun; Whispers a quiet promise in my sleeping ear; And the explosion frightens heavy eyelids. I enter the busy world with its tear-stained faces The wings no longer swirl, but die Within the caverns of my stuffed-up ears. (PAUSE) THOMAS Suppose there is no light. Suppose there is just nothing. HOWARD All fables, all legends, fear itself, indeed all scriptures would hath last laugh laughter at them. THOMAS That's what I am afraid of: The Nothing. I'd take all the fire burning in hell than to go through all this and find nothing on the other side. I'll make you a deal, and don't laugh. I'm serious ... You find some way to come back and let me know, you know, about the light, and MAYBE I'll find some enthusiasm as your executor. HOWARD And if there is NOTHING, then what would I be, being NOTHING, to come back and tell you there is NOTHING? And if there were SOMETHING, but I could not come back to tell you there was SOMETHING, then you would have NOTHING to do but wait on NOTHING. If I did come back to tell you there were NOTHING, then you do NOTHING including the FINISH OF MY WORK!!! ... And if I were SOMETHING to comeback and tell you there was SOMETHING what worth would you be to me doing NOTHING, but waiting to DIE to find SOMETHING ...INSTEAD of FINISHING MY WORK!!! ... And .... THOMAS ... Okay, okay ... HOWARD I've been a poor gambler ... don't you be a loser. Live! ... Go get me that thing with the straw sticking out of it on the dresser. (THOMAS GETS THE CONTAINER.) I don't trust my lovers, because of their lovers, but we, you and I, are in the truest respect, MEN, friend, in our regard for one anther. For food they give me fluid. For fluid they give me powder. Thank God I didn't have any hair to loose. (THOMAS HOLDS THE CONTAINER WHILE HOWARD, TENUOUS, SIPS. THOMAS STANDS BY THE BED HOLDING THE CONTAINER.) Cancer is a living, thinking, conniving bitch that distracts you with pain, eats up your insides so you don't notice its true intent. Its true intent is the "Will". The "Will". It is after your will. It comes to beat your ass to bed every time you feel better, even lets you think remission, says the doctor. It laughs. It hides, then attacks where they said it wouldn't go, oh it laughs. I am too paranoid to feel better. If I feel good enough to, let's say, write in my diary, I literally sneak into the study, look around as if cancer is lurking about. And soon as I put pen to paper, the ink conjures the giant and here cancer comes. "Ha, ha, ha," it says, and kicks my ass back to bed. High interest, loan sharking demon cancer is. I refuse to live with it ... A year is enough ... I'm not giving in. I want to grab this cancer thing around the neck, jump of a cliff and dash to smithereens. I want to kick IT'S ass. I will have the last laugh ... Then I am on my way to the light. Drink less the next life. Go easy on the curry. Move back to the Islands. It's not the end of me! ... You see, I have been exercising my WILL to die. I think I am ready. Watch me die right in front of your eyes NOW! (HOWARD POSTURES HIMSELF, BREATHES IN A PRACTICED TRANCED RHYTHM. HE IS TRYING TO DIE. AFTER SOME MOMENTS IT DOESN'T WORK.) HOWARD What are you standing there for holding that poison? ... Pickup my unfinished book: The Actor As Instrument. (THOMAS SEARCHES THE FLOOR, FINDS IT QUICKLY, PICKS IT UP.) Read the second line, first paragraph, page 109. THOMAS "Our most complete and profound inventions originate in what I shall call the dream consciousness ..." HOWARD Stop! ... (HOWARD BREATHES HEAVILY, ASPHYXIATING, POINTS HIS FINGER TOWARDS THE CEILING THEN DROPS IT EXASPERATED. THOMAS IS FRANTIC.) THOMAS Nuur ... HOWARD Nooo! No! I thought it was about WORK!. I felt dizzy and lost a breath and swore I saw ... something ... bright ... I wonder. I am excited. I am about to see for myself. The light. All this I hear about seeing some light. (MOCKING SOME CLICHÉ ALLUSION) 'Gooo tooo the liiighhht!' (CHUCKLES, COUGHS, RECOVERS) I wish you could come along. But somebody's gotta stay and clean up this mess. If I lack the will to live, I have the will die ... Soon ... Soon ... I gave you everything from my instruction, my HOWARD knowledge, my soul, and you were ravenous. You would not take from my manhood, because you are so stuck on yours. My love. Please get my pill, it's on the dresser. (THOMAS IS ALWAYS PRECEDED BY THE FOLLOW SPOT. WHEN THE SPOT IS FOCUSED ON AN AREA, HE THEN PROCEEDS TO ENTER IT FROM DARKNESS. HE PLACES THE BOOK BACK ON THE FLOOR AND GOES TO THE DRESSER TO GET THE PILLS STILL CARRYING THE CONTAINER WITH HIM. THE NURSE ENTERS.) NURSE Did I here the first half syllable of my name. HOWARD Go away. The boy just has ants in his pants. NURSE Maybe you should rest ... HOWARD ... In peace. I know, I know. I'm fine, thank you, now go eat HOWARD some cookies, and bring me some dope. NURSE I'll do that since you have company, in about an hour, being you'll dupe the gentleman into giving you the last one over there. (TO THOMAS) You see I keep one pill in the vile so I notice when it is missing. Hate to see him have to go to drug rehab at this stage of the game. Besides, you'll wear away the effect of the dope for when you really need it. HOWARD I'm sure you got a block buster up your sleeve for that moment, but, no, that moment I will be my naked self, clambering for my last breath. Now, please ... NURSE I'm outta here. Your watch, sir. Only don't call, holler. (NURSE EXITS) HOWARD Forget the pill. You walk the way you think, curdling milk ... the gift that you sour. The protégé tip-toes around me, the way you tip- toe around your work. Writing for ACCEPTANCE ... THOMAS Please, old man, I really don't want to get into ... HOWARD Get another pillow, lift me, and put it on top of this one that holds me. (HOWARD CONTINUES DELIVERY AS THOMAS PLACES THE PILLOW.) Stop piddling around with these people, these APPRECIATIST ... who will not touch ... will not ACCEPT what we are here to do. THOMAS Oh, and you with all your depth, authenticity, perform, read to the delight of tea-toters, getting commissions from out of the closet divas. Cliques. When was the last time you went to the hood, 'Bro, served a meal at the mission, hell, took a kid to the zoo. I, you, we can't do what we are here to do unless those people ... HOWARD ... Oh, my God, you said the magic words "can't," "unless," "people." You are a marvel, a charlatan, a crumb who "can't" "unless" "people" ... THOMAS We've been over this ... HOWARD ... This thing ... Crack! ... we have to destroy it. There are children fighting our wars on poverty, etc., etc., etc., we, art, our work, art must become work ... Suffering, hopelessness, unemployment - they're not abstract to me, are they to you? THOMAS As abstract as the Oval Office. What's the cure for corruption, Old man, it's all stupid ... stop getting ... you're getting ... you gotta rest. I'm stomping outta here ... HOWARD ... Opportunity, renaissance, for work to BE ... (HOWARD BEGINS TO FOAM AT THE MOUTH AND CONVULSE.) THOMAS ... NURSE ... you die, there goes your renaissance ... HOWARD ... the people ... for them ... THOMAS ... NURSE!!! ... the PEOPLE are renting videos ... HOWARD I ...will come back try harder go to them open strip carry them one life ahead if time I had time save spank children to see the wonders of life freee ... THOMAS NUUURSE! ... CROSSFADE (THOMAS EXITS TO FIND NURSE. LIGHTS CHANGE, WE ARE ENTER HOWARD'S HALLUCINATION: THIS DREAM MUST DEPICT LITERAL HORROR. ALL CHOREOGRAPHY SHOULD NOT EMBELLISH STYLE OR ROMANTICIZE THE EVENTS, ONLY THE HORROR AND IRONY: NURSE IS A MASKED HIP HOP TEEN. HE IS IN A SPACE THAT SPONSORS THOMAS AS A MASKED MIME. FIRST THE MIME STANDS BEFORE THREE ABSTRACT, PAINT- THROWN PAINTINGS. THROUGH MOVEMENT THE MIME DEMONSTRATES THE APPRECIATION OF LINE, BALANCE, FORM, COMPOSITION. NURSE DANCES HIS CONTEMPT AND SHOOTS THE MIME DEAD. NEXT THE MIME CHOREOGRAPHS A MAESTRO DIRECTING. NURSE MOCKS THE MIME'S MOVEMENTS, LAUGHS, SHOOTS HIM DEAD. FINALLY THE MIME RECITES A MONOLOGUE LIKE FROM SOME GREEK CLASSIC. NURSE BARELY LETS THE MIME BEGIN BEFORE HE IS UPON HIM, BEATS HIM, KICKS HIM, SPITS ON HIM, SHOOTS HIM DEAD. HOWARD APPEARS FROM THE SHADOWS. NURSE SNATCHES HIM, GRABS HIM AROUND THE NECK, POINTS THE GUN AT HIS HEAD.) HOWARD GET YOUR HANDS FROM AROUND ME!!! PUT THAT THING AWAY!!! (NURSE DOESN'T MOVE.) I am the father who will wup your ass ... NURSE Like his father before him and his father before him ... (INDICATES PAINTING) He that splatter on the wall? What is a father? HOWARD ... I am the mother who will lock you out ... NURSE Yo, Homes, moms is feelin' bad about her mother before her and her mother before her, I'm her guilt trip. She that violin shit? What's a mother? HOWARD I am the police you give the excuse to kill you. NURSE Who needs to be excused. Is that what that oratin' mothafucka was doin'? Readin' me my rights? Who came up with the word "Police"? HOWARD Where's your home? GO HOME! GET OFF!!! NURSE I am gettin' off! (NURSE DOESN'T MOVE) HOWARD I am the descendant of African Kings, and Queens. NURSE Look what they doin' to each other ... HOWARD ... I am the heritage, the one chosen to set us free. I must live to bring back our culture. Mine was a truly great people ... NURSE Then where's yo weapon, kemo man! HOWARD I AM SORRY WE LEFT YOU ALONE. LEAVE ME ALONE!!! (HOWARD PULLS FROM NURSE'S GRIP, FACES HIM.) Your eyes, so empty. Have you no faith? ... I AM GOD ... WHO WILL SEND YOU TO HELL IF YOU DON'T LET ME LIVE! NURSE "God"! Always the last resort. (NURSE COCKS GUN) HOWARD I am just an old man. (NURSE SHOOTS HIM DEAD.) (CROSSFADE: WE ARE BACK AT THE MOMENT THOMAS FIRST HOLLERS FOR THE NURSE. HOWARD IS IN THE EXACT POSITION JUST BEFORE THE HALLUCINATION. HOWARD BEGINS TO GAG AND CHOKE. THOMAS RUNS IN.) THOMAS NURRRSE ... (THE NURSE RUNS IN.) NURSE Help me sit him up. (NURSE TURNS HOWARD OVER. DOES SOMETHING WITH SOMETHING IN HOWARD'S MOUTH TO DRAIN FLUID, COVERS HOWARD, AND EXITS. THOMAS PATS HIS FOREHEAD WITH A DAMP CLOTH. HOWARD GRABS HIS HAND WITH AN UNLIKELY STRENGTH.) HOWARD The children, the children ...empty eyes staring with guns, devil chants ... suicide. To them life is some Mario Brother, death a score on some video machine. We serve some elite. SHIRK THEM, boy. Go hungry and broke, go crazy and homeless, but you MUST shirk them, the APPRECIATIST. Art must be work. It must DO something! DO something. THOMAS Shut up. We did do something. Bohemian, free love, hippie, brothers, civil rights, sixties, exiles, ego kings, and QUEENS, protest movements, marchin', complainin' TILL IT GOT TOO COLD, MONEY GOT TOO LOW, WE GOT TOO HIGH; growin' beards, shavin' heads, hippie to yippie, brother to why bother ... still-born poets making deals. We sold out. And for a good price ... THOMAS ... CENTRAL HEATING! (HOWARD SNORES. THOMAS PREPARES TO TIP TOE OUT OF THE ROOM, THINKING HOWARD WILL SLEEP. JUST AS HE IS ABOUT TO EXIT:) HOWARD By my leave. (THOMAS HALTS, RETURNS, STANDS BY THE BED AWAITING INSTRUCTIONS) What's keeping you? THOMAS Leave me alone. I'll stay till you are sleep. HOWARD (WHISPERS, TO AVOID NURSE HEARING) I'm talking about the pill, the pill. What's keeping you? THOMAS Which pills? HOWARD The vile with one pill left. I've changed my mind. It's a super duper pill for pain. I'm going out of here stoned. And I want to be stoned on something that won't give me a hang over on the other side, however many sides there may be. THOMAS But ... HOWARD He said you would give it to me. Don't temp fate. (THOMAS BRINGS THE VILE TO HOWARD, HAND FEEDS HIM THE PILL, HOLDS THE CONTAINER OF WATER AS HOWARD SIPS. HOWARD LOOKS TOWARDS THE DOOR WARY THAT NURSE MAY APPEAR. HOWARD SHOOS THOMAS AWAY. THOMAS LOOKS FOR THE TRASH TO THROW THE EMPTY VILE.) HOWARD Throw it on the floor, it doesn't matter anymore. Don't step on that book. It's one of those Great Works of something or other ... Another pillow. (HOWARD DELIVERS AS THOMAS PLACES THE FOURTH PILLOW.) They think it's AIDS, do they? I was lucky. It diagnosed as cancer. Of course one might conjecture it could be AIDS that gave me the cancer. I am sure someone would have brought that up by now, or hid the fact collectively, not likely. So why are you afraid of me, heterosexual? THOMAS I always felt your were trying to make me into your monster. Your fist always balled up at me, making some point. From dusk till dawn you made your points. I'm not afraid of you. Most times I was just trying to get out of here at a decent hour. Or leave before you got so intoxicated you would start to fuck with me. HOWARD I'd love to fuck with you. Too late for that I suppose. THOMAS I love my wife. I love women. I have been tested in that regard. I always wanted you to accept me as I am, a heterosexual. I wanted that to be enough for you to love. You would take all my time, my life if you could. I would sometimes imagine you intended to hoodoo some exchange with our bodies, clone me or something ... What about your journal? Have you at least made any entries in your journal? HOWARD (DELIBERATELY IGNORING THOMAS, RESPONDS TO THE EFFECT OF THE PILL. BEGINS HUMMING.) HOWARD Ah, that was a fix. THOMAS Tell me what you want me to do to get you settled in for today so I can go. I will see you tomorrow. What have you done for your journal? HOWARD You are relentless. How dare you ask me if I have entreated my journal. Have you read it? THOMAS A journal is a personal, private thing by definition. I wouldn't violate ... HOWARD Oh, you wouldn't read it because I asked you to. I wouldn't ask you unless I wanted you to read something you didn't want to hear, you sloven presumtionist, coward. You think yourself some plodding hetero beast. You are a fly on a window banging its brains to get out when love comes too close. Loving you had nothing to do with intimacy. THOMAS My father left my mother when I married my first wife. They were married for 34 years and separated one week after I moved to my wedding house. My mother kept the house. My father moved in with another man. All those 22 years of my life I never knew about his sexual preference. I am still waiting for it to hit me. I visit him and his man and it still doesn't hit me. All I remember was he loved me and to everybody he was truly the man of our house. My mother still worships the ground he walks on. I am indeed hetero, straight, an anachronism even that I remain a predator and carnivore. My life is a full house to hell. I'm male, I'm straight, I'm divorced and I write hard sell drama, left handed. And I still hear my mother crying alone in her bed at night ...YOU ARE DYING! THOMAS That is the only thing that makes me uncomfortable with you. NOW ... back to the issue ... I insist. Your journal is a celebration of your memories, your life, your work, if you must die ... (HOWARD SNORES, MUMBLES ALMOST DRUNKEN. APPROPRIATE CARIBBEAN MUSIC. LIGHTS CROSSFADE TO STAGE LEFT WHERE A RITUAL MASKED YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT POSES IN WAIT AS HOWARD APPEARS IN THIS MEMORY DREAM DANCE. HE DANCES TO HER RECITATION OF RITES 1. HOWARD DANCES WITH YOUNG ENERGY IN HIS DEATH GOWN AND IV STAND.) RITES 1: YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT The moon is rising swiftly behind the spot where two folds of Wareika Hills come together ... the Blue Mountains in the background of the misty blue ... It is the space and the time the people who live in the avenues relax behind the trellises of rice-and-peas flowers ... (HOWARD MOANS.) HOWARD ... maids hum softly in the kitchen to the clink of real china and silver ... All day long they have been preparing for full moon, and the Moonshine Darling ... (FEMALE STUDENT COMES TO DANCE WITH HIM. SHE IS THE MOONSHINE DARLING. IN THE CHOREOGRAPHY/MIME HOWARD SHAPES HER INTO THE MOONSHINE DARLING.) The boys and girls in the yard are just completing the big Moonshine Darling, made of pieces of broken plates, and outlined with ashes from the coal stoves. The Moonshine Darling half-moon smile, wide-eyed and flat faced, with the long plaits hanging over the shoulders to indicate good hair and beauty, smiles back a little crookedly at the full moon. (THE FEMALE STUDENT TWIRLS AWAY AND DANCES THE MOONSHINE DARLING DANCE. HOWARD DANCES THE DANCE OF THE COMMUNITY AROUND HER.) The men are playing dominoes with the hard slap of energy and skill. The women are coming to sit on the steps of the single rooms, or bring chairs or wooden boxes into the circular area around the Darling, carefully to leave adequate space for the performers that will show tonight. (THE TWO DANCE TO A FRENZY. HOWARD IS LULLED TO SLEEP IN A TRANCE STANDING UP. FEMALE STUDENT AS THE MORNING DARLING WITH APPROPRIATE VOICE DELIVERS AS SHE ESCORTS HOWARD TO HIS BED. THE MUSIC COMPLETES ITS DENOUEMENT. ) YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT He would lie awake until the sounds seemed to melt and call from far away, and his eyes filled with the flutter of dancing feet, many, many more than were ever dancers, and hear again the laughter that seemed to rise deep out of the bellies of the partners, and he could feel when the sound really reached him over the space of the yard, rather touched him like so many hands, all with a hundred fingers somewhere between needles and velvet ... (HOWARD CHUCKLES WITH DELIGHT IN HIS SLEEP.) ... and he laughed without really knowing why and he must have fallen asleep with the songs still in his ears, for you hear his mother calling, and its morning, and time to think of school and the homework he was sure he had finished before it all began. Mother is calling. Mother. (YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT TIPTOES AWAY LIKE A FAIRY OUT OF A DREAM AND DISAPPEARS. IN BED HOWARD COUGHS AND CHOKES IN A FIT OF PAIN. THE ROOM RETURNS TO ACTUAL. THOMAS STEPS IN FROM THE SHADOWS. HOWARD LAYS STILL, TOO STILL. THOMAS APPROACHES HIM WITH TREPIDATION.) HOWARD Turn on the tape. (THOMAS JUMPS AT THE SOUND OF HIS VOICE.) HOWARD I want my rum. I want my bitters. A dash of Tabasco. I want my mother. I want to hear Paul. Put on Paul. I want to hear a man singing from the depth of his soul. Only Robeson can do that for me. (THOMAS FLIPS THROUGH THE ALBUMS AFTER HE STEPS, TRIPS OVER BOOKS, STILL RECOVERING FROM HIS START. HE PUTS ON A PAUL ROBESON RECORD. HOWARD SINGS ALONG WITH THE TUNE WHILE, INTERMITTENT, HE REMINISCES.) Dunbar, Dorothy Donnelly, Countee Cullen, Cripus Attucks, Shaka Zulu, Nat Tuner, Dizzie G, Amiri Baraka, Oscar Michieu, Gordon Parks, all, all, soldiers all, Ruby and that man Ozzie, Zora, a fabulous name, all in the voice of Robeson, yes even DC, MC Hammer or somebody. Hell, Elvis Presley, why not? ... Resurrection, we resurrect in our souls blusin' rappin' did I say Baldwin, yes, yes, all!!! What was I saying? My WIFE. I was married too, you recall. She's still such a good friend. I wish we had had a child. I'm glad she let me go to, with love. She cried maybe for a day HOWARD ... I invited you here ... I invited you here to teach you something ... something ancient. THOMAS You have taught me everything ... to see. HOWARD Well, then something NEW! Damn! ... One goes blind and discovers they can hear a pin drop, see colors in sound, the loss of a leg, the strength of an arm, and so on. Ah but the loss of a life ... The loss of a life, the stronger living ... DYING ... All those of us who are dying. Imagine children born with an illness and told for the rest of their life they are dying: the life they give to others on their way. There is a gift to this year, the elephant walk, I wouldn't trade for another life. Life strives when dying, oh, with such longing and the senses, my sense of Tanglewood and street tar, watching drops dry, LISTEN! ... chirping, munching, rustling, coveting, hanging onto moments, until moments let ME go. AND I ACTUALLY SEE THE FROST MIST OF THIS DYING, WISP OUT OF MY BATED BREATH, SOAR OUT THE WINDOW AND ACTUALLY TOUCH ... ALL OF YOU ... Death and I will plant a garden before we go. It's planted. You will tend it, like a love. But you're hard of hearing, weak arms holding a safe life, You don't see, can't even look at the squeamish intensity of the love between men. (LAUGHS) 'Heterosexual', Sounds like some obese dinosaur plodding about the land, bearing teeth with nothing to devour but lava. (HOWARD BEGINS TO COUGH AND GAG.) Bed ... bed pan. Get it ... get it. (THOMAS SEARCHES AND FINDS THE BED PAN, HOLDS IT AWKWARD.) I am sorry but you will have to. The alternative is to clean up afterward. (THOMAS, TENUOUS, LIFTS THE SHEET, SLIDES THE PAN INTO PLACE. HOWARD PROPS HIMSELF ENOUGH TO MANEUVER TO URINATE. AFTER THE MOMENT IS RESOLVED THOMAS REACHES, PRECARIOUS, UNDER THE COVER. HOWARD, TAUNT GIGGLES, AS HOWARD TAKES THE PAN, CARRIES IT LIKE A DEAD RODENT, PLACES IT AT THE FOOT OF THE DRESSER, TURNS AWAY FROM VIEW OF THE OLD MAN AND GASPS FROM THE EXPERIENCE. HOWARD GIGGLES. NURSE WALKS IN.) NURSE I'll take that off your hands. They want me to send this stuff, so to speak, to be checked out. Bunch of ball and chain techs sniffing. You ready to go, sir. HOWARD Go where? NURSE For your stroll in the wheely. By the lake, up by the cemetery of the old church overlooking the course which over looks your favorite view of the city. Your favorite spot. Sound tempting? You're having the best day you've had in a while. Let's ride. HOWARD Go, he ask. Cemetery, he suggest, Tempting he says. Where do you people actually come from. Leave me alone. I'll die when I'm good and ready. NURSE (TO THOMAS) I didn't mean to be insensitive. I told him I am new a this. I'm taking a course in hospice ... SEE? There you go again. Leave us. THOMAS He's just being picky. I'll tend to the old bag. HOWARD Now we're talking body bags. NURSE He's on a roll. I'm outta here, as in, I'll bring your wheely. THOMAS I'll dress him. NURSE Holler when he's ready. (NURSE EXITS) HOWARD (TRIES TO SIT UP) He'll not have my last moments. Time to let go. (HOWARD STARTS BREATHING HARD AS IF HE IS TRYING TO EXERT HIS WILL OVER SOMETHING. THOMAS GOES TO THE DRESSER FOR A PAIN PILL. THE VIAL, OF COURSE, IS EMPTY. HE HEADS FOR THE DOOR TO CALL THE NURSE.) HOWARD No! I have changed my mind again ... All of me, as is, with fight, with pain as ... fights ... must ... be ... I loved you ... first we met. Your ... fresh gleam. refugee in ... this "new age" ... I could speak to my own youth threw you. You talked to me through nights, nights you weren't here. Yes. I would gladly ... hold you ... hunger ... to kiss ... you ... the idea, of you. THE IDEA.. We ... two ... endangered species. What will take ... our place? Not my love ... that makes you run. Yours. You love me, friend, ours ... a passion above ... the rubbish ... of sordid tendencies ... Heightened ... above passion ... above ... fidelity. The love between men calling each other names, cussing, carousing, flipping coins, street corner sipping, blood pricking den brothers, conquest, arms around shoulders, backslaps, hand shakes, kisses on foreheads, bars, beards, beer, grime at five, scrub soap, farting, digging, hammers, wounds, dying in each other's arms, silence ... Ours is a love between ... MEN ... Silent ... ears on walls ... prisoners tapping ... your side, mine. I WILL die now! (HOWARD STRAINS WITH DETERMINED FOCUS, WILL. TO DIE. HOWARD HALLUCINATES: HE SEES YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT APPEAR BESIDE THE BED OPPOSITE THOMAS. YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT DELIVERS A CHOREOGRAPHED MOVEMENT TO HOWARD'S BEDSIDE. SHE IS HOWARD'S LAST HALLUCINATION: SHE REMOVES HER MASK FOR THE FIRST TIME AND TAKES OFF THE WIG. SHE IS A MALE. HOWARD REACHES ONE HAND OUT TO THE STUDENT AND THE OTHER TO THOMAS. THEY BOTH TAKE HIS HAND.) THOMAS I'm here. HOWARD (LOOKS AT STUDENT; DELIVERS TO THOMAS) If I could only find me a forever, lover. ( TO STUDENT) If lovers could love (TO THOMAS) as friends do the dance ... (HOWARD LET'S THE STUDENT'S HAND GO. THE STUDENT DISAPPEARS. HOWARD BREATHES DEEP, GETS A RHYTHM GOING OF DEEP DELIBERATE BREATHES, REGAINS CONSCIOUSNESS.) Come closer. (THOMAS DOES. HOWARD'S WILL TO DIE NOW IS WORKING.) No air ... THOMAS What's wrong?! What can I do?! HOWARD Time to die ... THOMAS NUUR ... HOWARD DON'T YOU DARE! ... Under the bed. Flash light. Get it. Hurry! (THOMAS FINDS THE FLASHLIGHT.) Last ... pillow ... top of the others. Lift ... me ... sit up. (HE DOES AND ATTEMPTS TO HAND THE FLASHLIGHT TO THE OLD MAN.) HOWARD Under bed ... crimson ... book. (HE DOES AND FINDS IT.) THOMAS It's your journal. HOWARD Clean ... my face. I must ... be cleeean. (THOMAS GOES TO THE TOWEL RACK, TAKES THE WASH CLOTH, POURS PITCHER WATER OVER IT, WIPES THE OLD MAN'S FACE.) HOWARD Johnny! Hear ... Mathis ... sing. (THOMAS PUTS ON A JOHNNY MATHIS PIECE , "THE TWELFTH OF NEVER", THEN CONTINUES TO WASH HOWARD.) The flashlight ... my face. (THOMAS STOPS WASHING.) THOMAS But ... HOWARD DO IT! (COUGHS AND GAGS. THOMAS SHINES THE FLASHLIGHT IN HIS EYES.) Yes. Just ... a glow. Eyes ... don't flinch ... So close. Frightened. (THOMAS CLICKS THE LIGHT OFF.) Keep ... on ... face. Last vanity. (HE DOES. THERE IS A LONG MOMENT. THOMAS LIFTS THE OLD MAN WHO IS SO LIMP THAT HIS BODY MUST BE HELD CLOSE TO GET A HOLD.) HOWARD Don't - close - my eyes - want to - see! To - see! We have a ... deal. If I see ... the light ... be back ... squeeze ... your ... haaand. (HOWARD'S LAST GASP, HEAD SLUMPED ON THOMAS' SHOULDER, IS ALMOST A SIGH, SENSUAL. THOMAS KISSES HOWARD ON THE FOREHEAD. NO AIR FROM HIS LIPS, NO PULSE, NO SIGN OF LIFE. HOWARD IS DEAD. NURSE APPEARS AT THE THRESHOLD WITH WHEEL CHAIR. THOMAS, ABRUPT, TURNS TO HIM, BLOCKS HIS VIEW OF HOWARD.) THOMAS WHAT IS IT?! NURSE Is he ready to go? THOMAS NOT YET. (MUSIC. THEY STARE AT EACH OTHER. NURSE TURNS, EXITS. THOMAS PICKS UP THE JOURNAL SITS A T THE REAR OF THE BED WITH HIS BACK TO HOWARD, READS ALOUD THE FOLLOWING ENTRY WHICH IS AN EDITED EXCERPT FROM SYDNEY HIBBERT'S FINAL AND ONLY ENTRY DURING THE YEAR OF HIS DYING.) THOMAS Thomas, this is more your journal than it is mine. I believe, Thomas, that you expect to see some powerful statement dealing with this time and place, and even that is it's own contradiction. "Living" for me is not the same thing that it was before June 23rd, l989 (diagnosis); and is unlikely to come anywhere near that quality of consciousness. This is not a cry for help, or the conviction of helplessness, far from it, living is what I see when I look at you sometimes consciously fighting with your own energy, trying to hide both your sensuality and your passion, trying to feel what is right and what is wrong rather than living yourself. How long do you think you will have this luxury? ... Living is the idea of the trees in the backyard coming into bloom, where the wind in Winter made adagios calling through the empty branches; it is the solitary butterfly searching the hedges near the creek full with the knowledge that there is a blossom somewhere; it is the grass impatiently turning green under the late winter snow, or in the early Spring rains, they seem to be the same thing this year! (HOWARD'S SPIRIT GETS UP. THOMAS LOOKS UP AT THE CEILING AS IF HE FEELS A PRESENCE LEAVING. HOWARD GOES TO A CLOTHES RACK. HE DRESSES IN HIS ISLAND CLOTHES THROUGHOUT THE REST OF THOMAS' DELIVERY.) THOMAS Living is about certainty, as far as we are allowed to understand that quality. Living is about us being creators, or co-creators with the forces behind the scenes in this never ending drama. They tell me that there are cells living inside of me that have gone completely out of control. They tell me there is some kind of battle going on inside, that I was the last to become aware - they say this fatigue that I feel is measurable, is a challenge about the need to live. They say many things, make pictures, graphs and counts, I can barely begin to believe, for if I do that is half the battle lost or won, and I can't afford the luxury of that kind of thinking. There is a part of me that has created an intimacy with pain, and if I am not careful I spend a greater part of my time "unliving" this experience. There are some nights that my eyes refuse to sleep, they seem to be warning my brain that this is not a good time to let go, or we shall all go screaming into that "goodnight." I approach each day with affirmations powerful and unfinished determinations of what that day will be, and sometimes I win: losing much too often to a condition that defies description, and I enter one more night. And yet I have had the courage to love you, with a straight-forward easiness that you sometimes find uncomfortable, you who should be living. I have to measure movement and grace and beauty like a miser tripping over my own remembered strength, quietly reassuring a speed that is no longer there, relying on laughter and the gymnastics of a learned voice, as other muscles seem to helplessly melt into the skin, becoming dry and hard. Yes how do you write about the need for living? What are the comparisons or the goals, or do I now live in a place that is so solitary that this need for comparisons with the other living things and people do not matter, and the decay that I see is remembered for the thing it is not, and the future that it prefaces! (HOWARD WALKS OVER TO THOMAS. HOWARD SQUEEZES, WITHOUT TOUCHING, THOMAS' HAND, A CHOREOGRAPHY WHERE THE HANDS ONLY GET AS CLOSE AS THE HEAT SPACE FINGERTIP -TO-FINGERTIP . THOMAS IN REFLEX TO PULLS HIS HAND AWAY. WITH MARVEL AND TEARS THOMAS BEGINS TO LAUGH, UNCONTROLLED LAUGHTER AS HOWARD PUTS ON HIS ISLAND STRAW HAT AND DISAPPEARS.) CURTAIN